My immediately family is nowhere near as complicated as some peoples' families - everyone goes by their proper names, for one thing - but things have been increasingly weird lately. The last week has added a few wrinkles.
First, the bad news. I only heard this yesterday, so don't think I'm all heartless and horrid for not mentioning it before. I'll start from the beginning. My brother, G, married C in 1985 (when I was 15). They had a daughter in 1987, S. They divorced sometime around 1991, I think; it was all rather hush-hush, but they'd been splitting up for the better part of 3 years by that time. C was a really, really terrible person. The first time I met her, I heard the story of how she'd been arrested in Chicago for biting a cop while under the influence. Granted, it had been a couple of years since that had happened, but still - biting a cop! My sister and I made a vow before the wedding that we'd never call her our "sister-in-law" since the term "sister" is one of respect. We always called her "our brother's wife". I was only 15, so I didn't fully realize how insulting that was to G, but J was 19 and must've known what it would mean to him. Of course, he was only 20, so I'm not sure if he knew what he was getting himself into, either.
Anyway, they divorced and S lived with C until C began to exhibit signs of being too C-like. Rather than getting too far into the details now, I'll just say that she voluntarily surrendered custody and moved far enough away that she saw S occasionally, but not too often. And that was fine with the rest of our family, because G's a good dad and C is not a good mom.
Fast forward several years. C called S on the phone and told her she was dying of cancer and wanted her (S) to come live with her for her last months. Of course, S agreed. She moved 7 hours (at least) north of where she'd been living with my brother, which is my hometown and where my parents - her grandparents - live, and all of her friends, and various other relatives. And she took care of her half-brother H by C's former boyfriend. And then C got married, about a year or so ago, to a relatively decent guy who apparently didn't know her all that well. Because after they'd been married for not too long, he (the guy) called my brother out of the blue and said, "Why did you and C get divorced?" G didn't say anything. The guy (I can't remember his name, damn it) said, "Was it because she drinks too much?" G said, "Yeah, that was a big part of it."
So she was doing it again. And she had, by that time, had another child, F. Did I mention that she didn't have cancer? She lied about that, to get S to move in with them.
But somebody needed to take care of those little kids, H and F (where do these awful names come from?), and S had a boyfriend up there, so she stayed. And she's getting straight-A's in school and we're all very proud of her and happy for her, even if we don't quite understand it all. And even if we think she'd be "better off" living with my brother and his very long-term girlfriend, A, and A's daughter B. But we just coast through it because, really, what can we say?
Until last Wednesday when their phone rang at 4:00 in the morning, when S's stepdad was supposed to be at work but hadn't come in. And when S answered it and went to get him, she found him unconscious. She called 911 and helped the First Responder (they live in an area without professional ambulance service) give CPR, but it was unsuccessful. He died. She's 16 years old, and she was, for reasons that my brother still hasn't determined, the only (other) adult home at the time. When he had a heart attack, and was lying in bed in pain, and she was the only one there to call for help, stay with him, and try to save his life.
And now she's 16 years old, dealing with the idea that she couldn't save his life.
I can't even really get my brain around that. What would that be like? I don't want to know, of course. When I was her age, I dealt with some stuff that was pretty bad. My maternal grandmother died when I was 16 and I was the only child still living at home, so I was with my mom while she made arrangements and stuff. But I was also home when she completely collapsed and suddenly I felt like I had to be Grown Up for the first time ever. And it was horrible, but it was good for me, too, in a way, because I had a lot of growing up to do at the time. And I was able to be there for my mom and to suck it up when the time came. All of this makes me wonder if there's anybody in S's house right now who's sucking it up for her? I know that C is a widow, and I have some element of sympathy for her, but I do wonder where she was when the tragedy occurred. She has a history of being extremely unreliable and leaving her children alone at night. Was she even there? I'm sure I'll never know, and it's none of my business. I'm just worried about what this is going to do to S.
As I wrote before, I found this out yesterday when I talked to my mom on the phone. In typical my-mom fashion, she said, "I didn't think it would translate to email." Yeah.
So, the other news. The "good news": my sister, J, of Christmas battle fame, is married. She and J got married (we think) on a cruise boat (we think) near South America (we think) sometime around Jan. We think. Needless to say, nothing's been verified.
The happy (?) couple plans a Midwest tour this summer so they can meet each others' families. I can't wait to see how that shakes out. Remember, the last serious conversation that I had with her was when she told me to fuck off, so it's hard to imagine sincerely offering best wishes. Particularly since my mom doesn't like him. I'll try to keep an open mind. Things could work out. He could be a good guy. Maybe Mom was just in a bad mood when they met. And maybe pigs will actually fly.
Now, the mundane. I'm tweaking the settings on the blog template almost daily, trying to get it to look a little less depressing, a little more sleek, and the sidebar more readable and useful and less busy. I tried a visitor counter for about 15 minutes of one day and hated it - there was nothing in the fine-print about a pop-up ad every time one opened the blog! Stupid pop-up ads. Anyway, suggestions are strongly begged - tell me what works and what doesn't.
Chapter 2 is calling me. Boo.
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