in our mad rush for progress and modern improvements let's be sure we take along with us all the old-fashioned things worth while

38. What aroma brings forth a special memory? 

    lefse baking. It is a detailed, intricate process (read about it here), takes a long time—I recall marathon all-day sessions where my grandma, mom, and at least 2 aunts were working straight through—and makes the house smell like nothing else in the world. Potatoes and flour in a unique steam. The funny part of it is that I do not like to eat lefse, not even with butter and brown sugar (which is the kid version of "traditional"), but would go back to that scent in a heartbeat. It is the aroma of family, holidays, and the particular closeness of women who have cooked like this many times before.

 

21. Tell me why you were named as you were. And what is the origin of your last name? 

    my parents tried to give us kids names that couldn't be shortened into dumb nicknames but just stand on their own. My brother and I were both given two-syllable first names and a one-syllable middle name, and our first names accent on the same syllable as our last name. Our sister has the opposite: one-syllable first and two-syllable middle with the accent on the opposite from our last name. She is always and ever different.

    Our last name is an English place name, and has a literal meaning which could be interpreted from the photo at left.

 

14. What are some of your family traditions that you particularly enjoy?

    • watching old, often intentionally weird movies with my parents on holidays, e.g. Tobacco Road (1941) or Woman of the Year (1942, reviewed here)

    • weekly breakfasts with parents & bro often involve some funny unspoken communication. Holding up a condiment means, "Does anyone want some of this?" Bro and I sit on the same side of the booth and generally finish eating well before the parents, both because they eat more leisurely and because they talk more than we do while eating. When we're both done, I gather up my utensils in my right hand. He picks up his plate and I slide mine under, then settle my utensils on top.

    • my parents only put a handful of ornaments on their Christmas tree, one of which is my favorite and always hangs toward the right side near the top

 

45. Share a memory of one of your grandparents. 

    I met three of the four. One of those did not like 'girl children' and essentially ignored me and my female cousins—not to mention her daughters, born before any of the boys. Moving on.... One of the others was not a terribly likeable person, had strained relationships with their (adult) children, and pretty much ignored the rest of us. Moving on....

     My maternal grandmother is my picture of "grandmotherly", though she was only 64 when she died. I remember her smiling, warm from the kitchen (see, e.g., lefse baking), and very kind. She had many grandchildren (~25) and never failed to remember our names or our specific needs and interests. She gave me books for birthdays and Christmas, instead of toys like the other kids. Just right!

 

36. What motion picture star would you like to interview? Why? 

    "interview" is overstating it, but I'd love to have a casual conversation with Jean Reno. He seems like a fascinating person who's lived an adventurous life. He appears a little nutty (in a good way) and active and un-Hollywood. 

    Along that same line, Jet Li would be a great person to talk to. He's involved and interested in so many things that have nothing to do with movies; he would be great to talk with (or just to listen to) even if he weren't one of my favorite actors! Of course he's been in loads of movies that I really like, so that part would be a joy as well. i'd especially like to ask about Ocean Heaven (2010).

 

22. Tell about a place you’ve visited that you hope never to return to.

    I didn't love Atlanta (a combination of too busy + too expensive + too dull). Other than that, I've found something compelling about every place that I've stayed for any amount of time.   

 

39. Describe the scariest person you ever met. 

    at the financial place, I worked with someone who began in a throwaway, almost temporary position, but who successfully transferred to one of extremely high security clearance. They started out all right, and we even became friends for a while. However, their control over the temptations of the job was tenuous from the start. Some of it I only heard about, some I knew about but only by inference, but most of it was shared with me (and others) with unrepentant relish. That burgeoning friendship was (quietly) cut, in part because I didn't want any smear-by-association taint at work, but also because they interpersonally scared the crap out of me. If you're willing to violate ethics on the job, what are you willing to do to the people in your life?  {{shudder}}

 

[from The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression by Debra Fine; the title quotation is by Laura Ingalls Wilder, from A Family Collection]

you swam in a river of chance and coincidence. You clung to the happiest accidents—the rest you let float by

5. What one thing would you really like to own?

    a home in Canada 

 

46. Describe an embarrassing moment you’ve had. 

     I (apparently) so badly misconstrued the signs being given by the Animal-Brained Lawyer during our hours'-long lunch, and the meet-up for snacks that ended up being a dozen rounds of drinks at a dive bar in a snowstorm, and even the casual dinner at my place that ended with a case of empty beer bottles, a crust of leftover pizza, and a snoring dude passed out on my couch. 

    It hasn't been an entirely embarrassing relationship, and we're still friends of a sort—including the last long conversation during which he pushed and cajoled me to join him for an evening in the cheese state eating "fish cheeks" (is that even a thing??) after taking a ride in his plane. I think we're friends, but I still cannot figure out whether we've ever been more than friends. That is an extremely disconcerting, and sometimes blush-inducing, feeling.

 

15. Tell me about the first car you ever bought. 

    My first several cars were provided to me by the parental units, a side benefit offered while I remained in school. (This was the case for all of us kids, not just me!) Then I got married, and the next few cars were marital property.  

    The first car that I bought all on my own was a brand-new Honda Civic. I bought it essentially sight-
unseen and without a test drive; I knew what I wanted and was not going to change my mind. I actually bought the newer model year because the difference in price was insignificant enough not to matter. My salesperson was the younger son of a work friend, and he's an excellent example of his profession done right. Low-key, information sharing, no pressure. No magical mystical products or service to up-sell. 

    I also ordered an add-on remote start, which was not at the time offered as a factory option on that model. It was purchased from and installed by a business near the dealer's. I left it there for a couple of days after completing the purchase paperwork. I was staying with my parents over that period. Conveniently, I timed my departure for the day the car would be ready. I packed my current car (an older Civic with a 5-speed manual engine) for the trip and went to the dealer's. There, I transferred everything into the new vehicle, gave the trade-in a fond pat, and hopped behind the wheel. I took a quick photo of the odometer (7 whole miles!) and took off. 

34. What’s the most unforgettable coincidence you’ve experienced or heard about? 

    a friend was thinking about getting custom-made shoes. I think it was for an event, but maybe just 'cause. He went to the shop to start the process. Had his feet measured—they're on the larger side—and the person helping him became pensive, looking at his feet and then his face, very closely. He left the room and came back with a shoe box. Another customer had ordered custom-made shoes, but failed to pick them up. They'd been waiting a while. Coincidentally, they were the exact size and shape of my friend's feet. Even more oddly, they were the exact style and color that my friend had wanted. Rather than waiting for them to be handmade and paying full price, he got the shoes immediately and at a discount. (I may have gotten a detail wrong, but overall the story is as he told it.)

29. What’s the most anti-establishment thing you’ve ever done? 

    going to law school with all intention of not practicing law

42. Tell me about a time when you had too much to eat or drink. 

    I generally eat pretty small meals these days, more of a day-long graze with three or four bigger portions than a breakfast/lunch/dinner approach. This has been healthier for me—more fruits & veggies, fewer snacky snacks, and lower caloric intake overall—and has also decreased my grocery bill even as prices have increased overall. However, it's also been a burden on my ability to eat meals with other people. Saturday morning breakfast with the fam is a complex affair of eating what I can and leftover-ing the rest (which I'm fine with), but normal meals with other people are a challenge. 

    A couple of years ago, I was traveling with the most "gourmand" of my friends. We went out for a very nice meal (read: expensive and huge). While returning to and once in my hotel room, I was overtaken by a sensation of being so far beyond 'full' that I was seriously considering seeking medical attention. I took a long bath, in hopes that the heat and position would help with the ughhhhh. (I was better by bedtime.)

16. How has the Internet affected your life? 

    I remember a time when there was no internet. That seems to be a generational dividing line, being conscious of its beginning and gradual (and then exponential) impact on life. It started as a novelty, became a serious research tool, and seemingly all of a sudden it was entertainment, connection, and lifeline. I started out using gopher. I shared my first few email addresses. My first solo email had the word 'corn' in the domain name. Yes, this was all dial-up, with the hideous noise and long wait-times. 

    Now, I cannot imagine a day without being online somehow. My attention span has decreased to that of a squirrel. I interrupt my own leisure activities like reading or watching a movie, to look up a concept or person that has entered my consciousness. I use the internet for work, writing, shopping, and pretty much everything else I do. 

[from The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills and Leave a Positive Impression by Debra Fine; the title quotation is by David Wroblewski, from The Story of Edgar Sawtelle]

you’ll just stand there, and people will love you

1. What’s the best birthday party you’ve ever had? 

    a couple of years ago, maybe during COVID? It was just me and then-bf. He gave me an outstanding card (listing on the inside some of the many things he loves about me) and a personal gift that made me cry. We watched a movie, played a board game, he grilled out, and I felt especially, particularly, fantastically loved.

 

2. Where is your favorite place you’ve ever visited? 

    besides those I've mentioned a dozen times already . . . there's a weird little town (population 3400) about 40 minutes away. College BFF's mom was born nearby. We go there periodically, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. There is a terrific furniture store—with furniture way out of my price range—that also sells 'decor' pieces that are sometimes surprisingly affordable. It's usually holiday-themed stuff, generally Easter or Christmas, but sometimes with an animal theme that suits. I've gotten some of my favorite little treasures there. (I'd love to actually buy furniture there someday, too.)

    We usually go to one or two other shops in town. One used to be primarily household stuff but has transitioned to 90% clothing that suits neither of us, but with the occasional awesome other thing that feels like a rare find. There's also what I would call a five-and-dime store. A lot, maybe the majority, of what they sell is crap (weird and often useless items at low prices), but they also have some rare finds that are well worth both the drive and the cost. 

    The funny thing about this little town is that it sometimes appears almost uninhabited, and has the feel of a ghost town. I don't think we've ever eaten there except to grab a cone at the DQ or maybe coffee at the chain store. There is a convenience store of the ubiquitous local brand, but more than once I've been there at a 'normal' time of day and they're closed. We usually eat in one of a handful of nearby towns and then "walk it off" in the shops.

 

3. How do you like to spend your free time? 

    besides the ways I've written about before . . . the all-online-selling edition:

        •  maintain the eBay database, updating and improving listings and reality-checking pricing to remain competitive

        •  go through the closet housing [reusable] packing-materials to sort and organize, streamline, and recycle/discard as needed

        •  pick a closet or drawer or shelf, seeking out items to sell in the future. There is currently a section in a storage area, fairly well organized, of stuff to list. Once it's generally nicer weather (and my temporary roommate has returned home) I will start pulling things out, taking pictures and making notes, and adding them to the thousand-plus in my "store."

 

4. What is the cutest animal you’ve ever seen in person? 

    I do love a good meerkat 

 

5. What’s one of your favorite bands? 

    FM

 

6. What's one of the first concerts you ever went to? 

    I saw the Nylons at the smallish (5000-seat) venue to the southeast while in high school, with a friend from the grocery store. Though I'd heard of them, I was not very familiar before the event. Had a great time and got really into a capella/show music for a while, particularly with a boyfriend from that era who featured prominently in his high school's show choir. (He was also an actor, starring as Conrad in a quality amateur performance run of Bye Bye Birdie.) A few of those Nylons songs still run through my head from time to time.

 

7. How would you describe your style? 

    reluctantly

11. What’s the stupidest movie or TV show you’ve ever seen? 

    there are 49 titles that I've rated with 1 star in my IMDB. That's all the play I'm willing to give to things I did not enjoy.

    (A post about that rating situation is upcoming, by the way.) 

 

13. What are your biggest pet peeves? 

    at the moment:     

        • overuse of the word 'piece' in corporate settings, as if projects or business can be separated into "pieces"

        • Hold music. In the ideal world, it would be optional, not mandatory, and if one is happier without it then it wouldn't need to intensify the discomfort of the Hold experience

        • hardwood floors. They're hard to care for, uncomfortable to walk on, and revealing of flaws in construction and design.

        • people misspelling others' names for no good reason, such as in the response to an email showing the name spelled correctly. My last boss at the financial place did this, and was even known to say "whatever" or "close enough" about it. Disregard for a person's identity is arrogant and callous. There is actually a difference between Anne/Ann, Sean/Shawn, Bob/Rob...

        • pointless communication. I just received a letter (US Mail) from the prescriptions wing of my medical insurance company, encouraging me to take advantage of their counseling option—solely in order to remember to take the migraine shot, and to take it correctly. I've been taking this stuff for about 4 years, so if I can't handle the above, it would have failed already. Also, I am a functional adult with insurance through my employer, so why would this even need to be sent something like this? It's a waste of time and energy and postage.

        • crust slices that are too thin to toast, instead just curling and burning

        • shoelaces that will not stay tied. They have only one job!

 

14. Are you more into brains or looks? 

    I prefer that people have both.

 

[from here; the title quotation is from Bye Bye Birdie]

it is all too easy to question his grip on reality, but being a little delusional wasn't necessarily a disadvantage for a gentleman turned pirate

1 What is the one thing you would change about your family gatherings? 

     more sharing about the family history. Rather than focusing conversation on current, day-to-day activities or the future, it would be great to occasionally share stories of the past. Who were the relatives that they interacted with, who they liked to be around, who were particularly interesting or funny or smart or successful or silly or ambitious or good with animals? What were the family secrets that didn't really need to be kept secret? Who traveled, served in the military, did something great (or notably not-great)? I would love to hear all that stuff now, while we still can.

 

2 What’s the best vacation you’ve ever taken with the family? 

    My family of origin is not big on "vacationing" as an event, and more often took day trips to visit family or—rarely—on excursions around the area where I grew up. Every few years we would go to

visit my uncle and family in the Flatland. My uncle was 'a successful businessman', the stereotypical sort who drove off to work every morning in suit & tie, briefcase in hand, and came home eight hours later looking as spiffy and unruffled as ever, to have a quick dinner (and wait thirty minutes) before slipping into the backyard pool with the kids. The pool was a marvel, both practically (a large, in-ground rectangle with diving board) and figuratively (none of the rest of the family had that kind of disposable income!). 

    The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I made that trek alone with my parents. It was the first time that both my siblings were of a mind to stay home and permitted by our parents to do so. Let me tell you, a driving trip as the sole kid was far different from the previous ones as "the kid who sits in the middle" and gets punched in the kidneys from both sides, blamed for everything, and in all ways tortured. It was relaxing, fun, definitely a different way to spend a week than our usual quiet lives. I felt very grown up. 

 

3 What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done on a work trip? 

     I've not had the sort of work trip that this prompt presupposes. As one might imagine, library work trips are pretty sedate, at least by comparison to other industries. I did a couple of trips while at the financial institution but they were both solo and terribly low-key. Although this is hardly adventurous, really: I set out alone from my hotel during the longer work trip, just to see what I could see. Ended up touring an art museum with an incredible glass installation, and taking loads of pictures in a park. Wish I'd done a lot more of that and a whole lot less of the program that had brought me there.

 

4 What’s the one dish you wish your family would make more often? 

    roast beast, which is a beef roast cooked in a pressure cooker until fork-tender, with mashed potatoes and gravy from the drippings. It's absolutely my favorite meal of all time.

 

5 Who in the office would you trust to handle a major project with you?

     the work crush (let's call him Blackbeard). Quiet, thorough and steady, while still being fast, amiable, and irreverent. We have worked on a few major projects, in fact just finishing one yesterday (as I write this). It was bid to take 7 days and we finished in 3.5. We don't get extra pay for early completion, but it sure makes us look good to the client. 

    Anyway, Blackbeard and I have worked together on and off for a year, and I expect to continue as long as he's in this field. He's got a background that makes him good at a few different things, so I can imagine him moving to a different career before too long.

 

6 Have you ever re-gifted a present from a family member? 

    not since my marriage, and even then it was an in-law, not a blood relative. My family gives quality, if somewhat uninspired, presents. My in-laws gave weird, ill-suited, heavily meaningful gifts that made me want to ask if they actually knew me at all.

 

7 What is the one thing you would stand in line for an hour to get? 

    there is no physical item that I need badly enough to stand in line for an hour. Would I do that for an experience? Maybe. There have been some moments in my life I'd stand in line for now, for sure. None of them are "things," though.  

 

8 What’s the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into, not involving your family? 

    there have been a few times that I've been so frustrated or overwhelmed that I just sat down and cried. When my plan to go back to school hit a (financial) wall. When I found a bug in my (first solo) apartment that surpassed my ability to control my gag-reflex just from looking at it. When I got very, very lost on my first trip to visit my then-fiancee. When I was living alone, a long way from family, and came down with the flu (and maybe bronchitis as well). All those situations taught or reminded me that I'm essentially responsible for myself, with no one there to bail me out or make decisions for me or even to care for me when I'm sick. I've got to be able to handle that stuff, or die trying. 

 

[from here, divided and adapted; the title quotation is by Angus Konstam, from Blackbeard: America's Most Notorious Pirate]

all great changes are preceded by chaos

    A friend is moving, and I resolved to share any advice I can give about how to make that process easier. As a veteran of many household moves, I've got a lot of advice! Take what works, ignore the rest, and always ask for help when you need it.

 

PREPARING

 

    Reuse what you can, from friends or an accommodating business. I have a friend who orders online multiple times per week; he saves his bubble mailers ("puffy packs"), bubble wrap and other sorts of cushioning, boxes, etc. This is a big money-saver, though it requires time to sort and space to store. Good possibilities for used boxes: libraries (public and university), mailrooms of businesses, and small restaurants that use a lot of eggs. Egg boxes are the absolute best: sturdy, not overly large, and generally with cut-in handles. I don't use liquor store boxes; they tend to be heavy even before they are packed, are often wax-coated and so not great for anything delicate, and they often stink like spilled alcohol. For that matter, they sometimes have broken glass inside.

    Make a plan, even if it's sort of unformed. Try to consider what you're not using, so that can be packed first. Try for even weight distribution, sensible colocating, and most of all clear organizing. Try to shake things up from time to time, too—sorting, packing, cleaning, and return to sorting. Too much of any one task is what makes it a drudgery.

    Take a picture of the back of anything with cables that need to be unplugged, or settings that may change during the move. Having those pictures can save hours of searching for owner's manuals or f'ing around on YT trying to find help. Help yourself first. 

     Buy the expensive tape rather than the cheap stuff. (This is advice for life, not just for moving!) You will use less, because it won't take a mile of it to do the job of one strip, it is easier to work with (holds its own shape rather than sticking to itself first!) and it is way more secure. For me, this means 2.5mil at a minimum. According to the chart below right, you can match tape thickness to the size of a box—but that's only if you want to have multiple types of tape available, which would be kind of excessive, I think. Just get one good thickness, buy more than you need, and have a good one-handed dispenser. The little plastic ones that come with a 6-pack of tape are all right for every day but insufficient for moving house. Get a big one! You "catch" the tape on one side of the box to start it, pull it across the opening, and flex the dispenser to tear it off on the other side. Once you've got the hang of it, it's a huge time-saver.

     It can also be helpful to have a duct-tape option, though I use that pretty sparingly. It costs a fortune (relative to the clear stuff), is stupidly sticky to use and remove, and there's not much that it can do that 2 layers of the other stuff can't do. In my last move, I used it to shore up a few boxes that had openings at the bottom (where the flaps do not meet) and for a very small box of super heavy tools. I do not use strapping tape (the stuff with embedded threads) because it's hard for me to work with—but use what works for you.

 

PACKING

 

    Designate a packing headquarters, a landing zone for the stuff you're using all the time: markers, scissors, tape, notebook, pens. No matter what, you'll misplace the one thing you need to make a packing session go well, if it does not have a place to "live". 

    Figure out and consistently use a labeling system. If that means writing the contents of the box on the outside, go for it. If that means taking a phone picture of each packed box including an identifying number or something, do that. Whatever works for you will work for you if you do it consistently from start to finish. Over time, I've realized that writing on the outside of the boxes does not work for me; I like to know exactly what is in each box so I don't end up with 4 partially-unpacked boxes marked "kitchen," when all I need is a pan and ladle for soup. Here's my system:

• Designate a moving notebook.
• 
  
  Each box is labeled on 2 sides and sometimes the top with a specific number. I use crappy scratch paper to write the numbers, then painter's tape the numbers to the box. Why 2 sides? No matter how they're stacked (short way or long way) I can have the number "facing out."
• In the notebook, list exactly what's in each box, by number.
• When unpacking, once the box has been completely emptied, cross it out in the notebook.
• If the box "is what it looks like"—for instance, a TV that's moved in its original box—then it's not numbered but still included in the notebook. Why? If using a moving company, you know what boxes were included (and God forbid if there's an insurance claim, it'll streamline the process immeasurably).
• This all takes some extra time but pays off exponentially in the unpacking phase. 
• This is also kind of nice when you're getting help from people that you might not know all that well, and don't want them to know too much of your business. A box marked "142" on the side is far less interesting than one marked "delicate lingerie" or "credit card and tax documents".
• Mark anything HEAVY or FRAGILE clearly on the outside of the box (2 sides), using a color-coding system (HEAVY is blue, FRAGILE is red) but under-using these designations if possible. Near the end of packing, everything will seem heavy—and, when you think about it, more than half your stuff will be fragile in some way. Save it for the biggies.
• 
  If you're doing a one-for-one move (the new place has exactly the same number of rooms and your stuff will be going from one Master Bedroom to another Master Bedroom, or Second Bathroom to Second Bathroom) it could be helpful to color-code the exterior labels. I've never been in this exact scenario and it seems like a time-waster, but it might be better for some people/circumstances. See an example in the photo at left.
  

    Think about unpacking when you're packing (but don't obsess about it). Keep in mind that any box marked "Misc." is going to be a pain in the ass to unpack, and it gets worse as it gets more random. "Misc. kitchen" is bad but not unbearable; "Misc. downstairs" is a heartbreaking box to find when you're already sick of unpacking. Just "Misc." that contains a spoon, 2 sweaters, a board game, some first aid supplies, and a bag of random used hardware pulled out of the wall before you left...that box can make an un-packer furious. That's a lot of moving around to store stuff when all you want to do is sit in one place and pull bubble wrap off some things and rest your legs.

    Don't waste time sorting recycle/trash/donate etc. unless the situation is dire (such as needing to get the amount or weight beneath a threshold for a moving company). Now is not the time to be micro-thinking. Get 'er done, and deal with the rest later.

    Use baggies and/or tape to attach hardware to items that need to be taken apart (think: picture hanging screws, the exact hex-key for attaching the headboard to bed frame, HDMI cable of the right length, adapter for charging cables, and on and on).

    Resist the urge to use a huge box for anything other than pillows. No matter what else you put into a massive box, it's going to be way too heavy and ungainly for one person to carry, yet stupidly light for a team lift. Sheets and towels are surprisingly heavy. Blankets, too. Clothes are out of the question, unless your clothes are a lot lighter than mine!

    Over-use packing material. Get the enormous roll of bubble wrap and use all of it. If in doubt about "can I fit one more...?", always err on the side of more packing matter rather than another of your potentially breakable items. It's so much better to have an "extra" box or ten to move, than to unpack and find one glass or blow-dryer or book smashed. Also, cheap coffee filters are awesome (recyclable) packing material; put them between anything that might scratch, ball them up to fill breakable stuff, wrap them around things nested inside other things. I even put them between books so the covers don't get torn. 

    Speaking of books: use smaller boxes than you think you need for books, which are far more
weighty than they seem. keep the books upright if possible (like they appear on your shelf), and pack similar-size books together unless you're a master at packing. There's no shame in bubble wrap in a box of books.

    Save suitcases, tote bags, etc. for the very last-minute stuff that you will need right away: immediate clothes, medicine, pet food—and very vital stuff that you don't want to tape inside of a box: laptop, checkbook, phone charger.

    The #1 most useful help is a huge roll of plastic wrap. Environmentally friendly? Of course not - but what about packing and moving is? But possibly recyclable. It's also easy to use, relatively inexpensive, and surprisingly helpful! Heck yeah. Get a nice thick roll with the handles built in, and use it for everything you can think of—keeping plastic bins closed, keeping pillows on the couch (and keeping the whole thing clean), corralling cords to anything that plugs in. It also keeps things from slipping around in a truck or car trunk.

MOVING

 

    Team lift. One stupid "I've got this!" can make your entire move (and potentially the rest of your entire life!) agonizing. You have help for a reason, so take advantage of that. Don't be a hero, and don't let your friends and family be heroes, either.

    First in, last out, first in. The things closest to the door will go in the back of the truck and be brought out last, thereby being "top" or "first" when you start unpacking. For example, if you're moving in the summer, don't pack your winter clothes from the closet and Christmas ornaments first, and start the stack by the door with them. Either wait to pack them or start stacking as far as possible from the door.

    Use your seatbelts to secure stuff being moved in the car. I use them all the time, especially when transporting something like food or plants that I'm especially concerned about keeping upright. (My car also chirps at me when the weight of an item on the seat triggers a "person without a seatbelt" warning, so it's just easier to buckle in a gallon of milk or whatever, since I know it's going to yell at me anyway.)

    The #1 most useful help is to hire out as much of it as possible. My last in-town move cost $650 and was perfectly done. All was handled on time and with a minimum of fuss. Of course there's loads of stuff (pun intended) that I did on my own, since the movers cannot (chemicals e.g. cleaning solutions, and garage stuff) or will not (plants) or ought not to be trusted to (super delicate or costly or irreplaceable breakables or computers) move some things. I was still exhausted from packing and cleaning and moving and cleaning and unpacking and cleaning and cleaning—but at least I hadn't needed to exhaust all my friends and family, too, with the heavy and awkward stuff.

 

UNPACKING

 

    Have an unpacking headquarters, a landing zone for the stuff you're using all the time: box cutters, scissors, tape, notebook, pens. No matter what, you'll misplace the one thing you need to make an unpacking session go well. It takes a moment longer, but always return those things to the HQ.

    Wait to sort recycle/trash/donate etc. unless the situation is dire. Broadly group (such as tossing packing material into a large box or two) and sort it when things have calmed down. Throw unflattened boxes into a garage or basement or unused room, nesting and stacking if absolutely required, to give away or  recycle later. For one thing, your first couple of recycling pickups will probably be full already. For another, there's time for the details later—now just get 'er done.

    Designate a haven from the mess. The #1 most useful help in unpacking is to have a room in the new space—for me it's the master bedroom, for others it's the kitchen—where things at least seem to be as normal as possible on the first day. The clutter is closed in a closet or left in another room, so when you're there, your stress level decreases noticeably. You have what you need: bed with normal covers and pillows, bedside table with the usual contents. It doesn't mean that room is "done", just that it doesn't look like unpacking mayhem.

 

[the title quotation is from Deepak Chopra]

a woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view

If you were to have your portrait painted, what would you choose as the setting?     anyplace near the River

If you could have a servant come to your house every day for one hour, what would you have them do?     cook healthy meals, portion healthy snacks, clean the kitchen—and take all (other) food when they leave

If you had to choose the worst home you've ever lived in, which one was it?     that's easy: it was the duplex where I lived for less than a month after leaving apartment over the water place. It was terribly messy when I moved in, and only as I stayed there for a few days did I come to realize that it was also in bad repair. The dishwasher, oven, and stove did not work (and had not worked for some time, as there was a large wrench inside the oven). Fish tank gravel had been dumped into the kitchen sink, completely jamming the garbage disposal. Window hinges were bent, such that they could not be closed. I was given only one garage door remote, and the other was used by an unknown person while I was present, asleep. There was a significant insect presence. 

    Less than a week after I moved in, I found a different place to live. I proceeded to move out everything I owned, left the keys (and the one garage door opener), and mailed a letter provided by my attorney (OK, "provided by" is a stretch. It was more like "extorted from"....) to the landlords, demanding return of my security deposit and rent paid. They paid, reluctantly, but only after harassing me by phone for a couple of weeks, wanting to "talk it over in person." As if they could explain away the uninhabitable nature of that place. I was lucky to get out, and to get into the very nice spot where I lived the next 3 years. And, of course, most lucky of all to have such good friends as those who helped me move twice in one month.

If you could hold one position in current government, what would you want to do?     Librarian of Congress would be good, thanks

If you could have the hair of someone you know, whose would you take?     the woman who bought my (last) house has an abundance of long, spiral curls. They are the bane of her existence, and she likes her hair only when she blows it stick straight. Isn't it funny how we often believe we'll be happier with what someone else has?

If you could have prevented one natural disaster that actually happened, what would it be?     the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami. It is the deadliest natural disaster of the 21st century, having killed more than 227,000 people and causing almost untold destruction in more than a dozen countries. 

If you had the chance to make one purchase that you have passed up in your lifetime, what would it be?     there was a dress, mid-calf length, patterned with an abstract floral design, with a twisted halter neck sort of like the one at right. It was mostly coral, with peach and rose and cream accents (sort of the reverse of the one at right). It was beautiful, and it would have suited me both stylistically and aesthetically. And it was inexpensive. And it was available in the (small) town where I was living. But for no good reason that I can recall, I didn't go for it—and I've regretted it ever since.

 

[from If...Questions for the Game of Life; the title quotation is from Sophia Loren]

Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen

What do you look forward to about being a parent?     I don't think I would have made a good parent. Kids perplex me. I've been told it would be different if it were my kid, but I'm not convinced.

When your parents get old, how do you plan on taking care of them?     I don't understand the question. You take care of people as they need care.

Do you think people are made for each other?     yes—but it's still an effort, and it still doesn't always work out

What is the most important lesson to teach a child?     math, clearly

Do you put as much effort and emphasis on inner beauty as outer beauty?     if anything, the opposite

What thought or object gets you through the day?     I'm not goal-oriented like this. No mantra or inviolable motto. Life just flows, and you either go with it or fight all the time.

What do you look for in a friendship?     tolerance, patience, and good snacks

How should household chores be divided?     "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs"

Describe your perfect vacation.     I'd like to take a month in Maine, near a good friend from the library world. She lives in an artsy town that is also right in the middle of some amazing natural beauty. I could spend some time with her, get to know her family, and also be by myself for a while. If this school thing actually happens, it might be a real possibility.

When, where, and how long was the best road trip you’ve ever taken?     a couple of years ago, I went with my then-boyfriend to a big city south of here, about 8 hours away. We stayed for almost a week. We each had our own stuff going on, work and hobbies and so on, and we came together for excursions and adventures, too. It was relaxing, fun, romantic, and eye-opening. It may have been the time that we were most in love, too. 

Are you terrified of anything fictional?     like zombies or the liberal media? no

Do you have any irrational fears?     my fears are all perfectly rational

Where would you go if you could teleport anywhere in the world?     someplace warm, quiet, and safe

What would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?     

    1. go completely insane with Christmas presents

    2. tell a couple of former bosses where to shove it

    3. pay bills for some friends

    4. have my tattoos removed

    5. buy food

    6. have a massage at least once a week for the foreseeable future

    7. get a couch

    8. acquire an obscene number of books

    9. install good interior lighting at my parents' house. Or just buy them a new place - this time on the sunny side of town.

    10. hire a personal chef, a personal trainer, and an interior decorator

    11. plan some travel

    12. three words: laser. hair. removal.

    13. interestingly, I would still go back to school

 

[from here; the title quotation is by Karl Marx, from Critique of the Gotha Program]

there is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve

1. What’s something you hide about your personality? 

    antisocialness

2. How do you deal with criticism? 

    not well. Feedback, fine. Criticism ... not fine.

3. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? 

    the sweetness dims in the wanting. The surprise, the unexpected nature, is what makes it for me.

4. Which fictional character would you most like to have lunch with and why? 

    Everett Chance, because he's my literary Chris Stevens. Philosophical and practical, both.

5. Who would you say is your “anti” role model? Someone who serves as a warning rather than an inspiration? 

    my sister

6. What’s the most infuriating thing your parents (or caregivers) do? 

    they are both stubborn about [not] letting others do things for them

7. Which movie character do you most identify with and why? 

    'Amy Pierson' from The Big Bad Swim. She is awkward, forthright, passionate, and impulsive.

9. What’s the oddest term of endearment you’ve ever used or that someone’s used for you? 

    the first guy I dated after I was divorced had a nickname for me that made me want to pull his hair out. It was not the worst thing ever (objectively) but was loaded with meanings that I didn't like.

10. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? 

    the scent of lavender

12. Describe your dream library. 

    diffuse light (good for reading with less fading); quiet; comfy chairs with a head-rest and footstools; nearby tables for a drink, pen & paper, etc.; ample storage so that all books can be upright (healthier for their spines) and new additions don't require a complete reset; lots of bookmarks (I prefer old business cards); and a cat

14. Do you have any “rules” about food? 

    no

15. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? 

    who someone loves, and why, is not my business. As long as each party is an adult with legal capacity, I have nothing to say about it. Love and let love.

16. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? 

    I can't think of anything - but why would I blog about that?!

17. Describe a time/event in your life that you’re nostalgic for. 

    a trip, a couple of years ago. It was low-key and fun, romantic, and one of the most all-together nice times I've ever had. Good weather, good food, great company, interesting sights... I loved it.

 

[from here; the title quotation is by William S. Burroughs]

let me see you stripped Down to the bone; Let me hear you crying Just for me

• Are you more likely to get sucked into a social media rabbit hole when you work from home?  no

• Be honest – how often do you end up doing chores during the work day?  very rarely - maybe once in 3 weeks

• Do you have any hidden talents?  yes

• How often do you make your bed in the morning?  never

• Do you play any sports?  no

• Do you prefer wine or beer and why?  wine gives me headaches, literal or figurative

• Do you tend to get distracted more at work or at home?  at the office

• If you created a photo calendar, what photo would you use for November?      this one at right (which was a gift to me)

• What has been the best day of your life, so far?  March 30, 2017

• What is something you would like to learn?  how to really swim

• What is the best concert you have ever been to? 

    Depeche Mode, at Summerfest. It was the summer between sophomore and junior years, and I went with my junior- and senior-year roommate Christine. She lived fairly nearby and drove us there, which is a good thing because it was hot and I was drinking heavily throughout. It was SO much fun! Dancing the entire night. Nitzer Ebb opened for them. If you haven't heard Nitzer Ebb—they are a German punk band with some crazy, vile lyrics and remarkably boppy melodies, with random clarinet solos and some other elements that make them unique. They were a good match for the main attraction, really winding us up. I remember singing along with every DM song, being soaked with beer and dance-sweat, laughing with Christine.... It was an awesome time. Unforgettable.

• What is the most adventurous thing you have done?  sending an introduction/thank you note that complimented, among other things, someone's penmanship and ability to write reports

• What is your favorite work lunch?  sneaking out with a friend for a sandwich, big pickles, and a long conversation

[from here and adapted; the title quotation is from "Stripped" by Depeche Mode, from Black Celebration]

a man of superior talent will go to pieces if he remains forever in the same place

The places where I've been are in blue, and the places I want to go (some just to say I've been!) in gray:

Create your own visited states map or check out the JavaScript Charts.

[the title quotation is by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart]

no spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face

 from 250 conversation starters

216. What do you hope to achieve in your professional life?  a job that is engaging, challenging, rewarding, pays well, has good benefits (including ample time off), and that does not eat away at my soul

217. Have your parents influenced what goals you have?  my parents influence much of what I do. Not because they are making choices for me or pushing their opinions, just because we get along well and I mostly trust their judgment.

218. Do you usually achieve the goals you set? Why or why not?  yes, I do. I could say that it is because I am tenacious or ambitious - but I think it's more that I don't set actual goals, per se, unless I know they are within reach. 

219. What is the best way to stay motivated and complete goals?  that depends completely on the sort of person that you are. My motivation varies by my inordinately changeable moods. When I'm on the manic side, then the fire comes from within. The rest of the time, I have to be pushed by something: money, deadlines, priorities, competition...

220. What are some goals you failed to accomplish?  In undergrad, I didn't complete the Mass Communications degree that was within about two classes of achievable. That's kind of frustrating, looking back.

No efforts to retrieve the money that Ulysses "borrowed" have been successful, and I cannot seem to convince myself to let it go, 

I have not sold any of the plant stands (they are NOT "phone stands"!) that I had previously decided were desperately necessary but now just clutter up the house.

221. What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve?  inner peace

222. When do you want to retire? What do you want to do when you retire?  now seems about right, if I could fund it. Assuming I don't have to wait until I'm ancient, I'll probably get some kind of very part-time side gig going on to make poker money, and otherwise just read and take lots of blissful naps.

224. What do you like to do in the spring?  fantasize about the outdoor plants that I'm not going to plant

225. Did your family take seasonal vacations?  I don't remember us ever taking a "vacation" during a season other than summer

226. Which do you prefer, fall or spring?  fall is the best season, the only drawback being its proximity to winter

227. In which season are you most active?  autumn, I think? No matter what the weather is like, there is somewhere to exercise or get moving.

228. What's the best thing to do on a cold winter day?  snuggle, watch movies, read, eat soup, and most of all to stay inside

230. Where's the nicest place you have been to in fall?  I read this wrong at first (from the original source) and thought it asked the nicest place I've been to jail. That's a different answer entirely!

    Gallup Park, on the west (?) side of A2 along the H- River. It is pretty nearly every time of year, but particularly during the autumn.

231. What is your favorite thing to eat or drink in winter?  homemade soup and bread. Hot lemon tea.  

232. Is it better to live where there are four seasons or where one season takes up most of the year?  "better" is relative.  For me, for now, four seasons is the way.

234. What is your favorite holiday?  Easter

235. What holidays have been over-commercialized?  all of them. It is intensely irritating to have them overlapping. A return to some innocence would be welcome.

236. Do you wish there were more or fewer holidays? Why?  double-edged sword. I'd love more time off, but I generally think that new holidays are stupid and reactionary. Huh, just like humanity in general....

[from here; the title quotation is by John Donne, from 'The Autumnal' in The Complete Poetry and Selected Prose]