no, that doesn't make sense to me. From a distance there's admiration or infatuation, attraction or intrigue. Love, though, is like a substance or structure that develops between two people, and the 'betweenness' is a necessary part of how it works.
Sometimes I manage to find just the right illustration for a point I'm trying to make, such as that at right (two figures carrying a large piece of glass). Love is like that glass: heavy, a little hard to hang onto, and easily broken—but also mesmerizing and beautiful if you choose to look at it that way.
1. Why do people send mixed signals in love?
fear of being vulnerable enough to express what they want or need, or what they can't be counted on to do. Focused on their own desires, to the detriment of their partner or the relationship. I suppose those are the most positive, understanding reasons. There's also deviousness, greed, manipulation, and a psychopathic glee at another's misfortune, amplified by the higher stakes in romantic relationships.
16. What’s something you feel incredibly grateful for in your current or most recent relationship?
I'm not sure whether this answers the question or just serves as a sideways riff, but... I am grateful for the time spent in bookstores, which may be the best example of our ability to coexist in complete accord. My tolerance for bookstore browsing can be extensive and exhaustive, and other people with whom I've tried have tapped out long before I was ready. I am grateful for having been treated with patience in a situation that made it feel like a luxury.
21. Is there anything you’ve always wanted to ask about love, about relationships, or about anything that’s on your heart?
the first thing that popped into my head was, Why doesn't anybody stay together anymore? Naturally, it was in Phil Collins' voice.
I suppose that's the real question: how does it work? What do people do in order to have lasting success in romantic, intimate relationships?
5. If you could have any fictional character as your best friend/lover, who would it be and why?
Ford, the mysterious hero of Alisa Kwitney's novelDoes She or Doesn't She? (2003). He's a reasonably skilled plumber (delicious irony) and also quite good at his other job. He's a man of few words (always a plus), clearly capable of thinking about what someone's said to him, and determining the best way to respond, rather than flying off the handle. Calm and reliable, he's also able to make efficient decisions and act on them without a big fuss. He's also got a knack for both kids and pets, and he's exotic and sexy. Bring it on.
10. Is there a physical expression of love that you’ve never experienced but would feel deeply cherished by?
what a truly perplexing question this is! After thinking it over for a surprisingly long time, I've come to the conclusion that I am not inspired to "feel deeply cherished" as a result of physical activities. As much as I like a long hug or a kiss—or anything else further along that line—it isn't the physical part of it that makes me think "love", but the feelings and indescribable connection that bring those actions about and fuel them.
I've also decided that, despite the ridiculous degree of sharing I've done in this space for over 21 years, I no longer have the stomach for tell-all. If there were a substantive answer to this question, I would likely choose not to post it. Some things are best kept behind closed doors or in one's own journal.
2. If you could write a song about your relationship (current or former), what would it be called?
I'm not a songwriter, but if I were... it might be titled "You should have noticed."
[from here and adapted; the title quotation is by Margaret Atwood, from The Blind Assassin - and is about the word 'should']
1. What’s the first thing you saw this morning that made you smile?
a hummingbird sitting on his new saucer feeder, watching me work. I don't exactly believe in 'angels' or reincarnation, but I wonder sometimes if maybe hummingbirds are the exception to that. They do seem to show up at times when I'm feeling a loss especially hard, and they inexplicably make me feel much better.
2. What’s a sound that feels like home?
the first thing that popped into my head was the song "Miami" by Counting Crows (from Hard Candy, 2002). I'm not certain what it is about this song that let it burrow so far beneath my skin, but my love for this, and the way it feels like home, is bone-deep.
3. What was your favorite hiding place as a kid?
my bedroom closet, which was 'shared'—there was a door to the same closet from the living room, so the east half was used as a coat closet by the house (the door generally fully open) and the west half was for my sibling and me—and thus quite cramped. I would tuck myself into a tiny ball with my back toward that open door, and read by the light coming through from the living room windows.
I also liked to sit in the back seat of the (parked) car to read, though that got me in trouble more than once for using the dome light and not shutting it off, or for failing to fully close the car door. Batteries are hard for little kids to understand!
4. When did you last feel proud of something tiny but important?
during the HOA board meeting this month, I made a salient, meaningful point about something financial, which is a big shocker and surprised even me. Three of the people in the room seemed to visibly express respect in a new way after that.
I don't love being on the board (understatement of the year) and I don't love simultaneously taking minutes and thinking critically and making arguments. When I manage to keep my shit together, keep my composure, and accomplish all that, it's a win.
5. What food is basically a time machine for you?
roast beef and gravy with mashed potatoes, preferably with homemade rolls. In a world of low-carb this and prepackaged that and cooking is too much work, that meal is even better.
6. What’s a piece of advice you’ve quietly ignored—and been glad you did?
George, my library community service assistant/crush described here and elsewhere, once very conspiratorially revealed that he thought I should get a tattoo of a "sexy sun" around my navel. It was a compliment, albeit a strange one, and I recall gravely thanking him. His feelings were sensitive and quite close to the surface, so I'd learned to be gentle. I'm assuming that what he had in mind is something like that in the picture shown here...
Why did I quietly ignore George's advice? Because that could not be any less 'me'. Of all the body parts I would like to draw attention to, my navel has never been tops of the list. It also seems like a pretty painful spot for a long tattooing session, or incredibly ticklish (or God forbid both at once). And frankly, I think it's unattractive. As with many "socially eroticized" body parts, belly buttons are utilitarian rather than sexually functional, so from a psychlogical background their glorification seems bizarre.
Why am I glad that I ignored it? Because at this point in my life, it would be an embarrassing reminder of the body that I used to enjoy but no longer have.
7. If you could bottle a single scent forever, what would it be?
warm, clean kitty in the sunshine
8. What small ritual keeps you tethered when life feels chaotic?
this answer surprises me a little: it is using theEvidationapp. It functions as a walk-for-pay tracker (tied in with my smart-ish watch) that also employs daily surveys to earn more points. There are 3 daily questions ("How are you feeling today?" "How would you rate your sleep quality last night?" and "How would you rate your stress level today?") and more sporadic, longer surveys based on typical health concerns (such as migraines, depression, seasonal allergies, etc.). There are also Weekly Wellness Tips (today's is about working with an accountability partner and having a social support system) whose reading earns points. I answer those questions and surveys daily, and get weekly, monthly and yearly trend reports. Some have been insightful enough to share with my doctor. A sample of the reporting is shown in this graph, illustrating my 'active minutes' during August of this year.
Evidation has also earned me around $50 in Amazon gift cards. Not a huge money-maker, but rather a positive habit that also happens to pay back.
9. When’s the last time you laughed so hard it surprised you?
my latest taco-salad lunch with Rebecca from the financial place, for my bday. I think it was related to one of her Very Large Dogs. I just remember laughing so hard that the little loose bits of avocado on my fork—raised to but not inside of my mouth—flew across the table at her. We'd been laughing hard enough already but the airborne avocado set us off once more. We both had to mop tears off our faces (and avocado off the table).
There's really nothing like a good meal with a dear friend.
10. What’s something you hope future-you remembers about right-now-you?
resilience. Actively looking for ways to be happy when life, right now, is not.
[ChatGPT blog meme questions, a set called 'The “Little Windows” Meme'; the title quotation is by Ursula K. Le Guin, from No Time To Spare: Thinking About What Matters]
Published: Harper, 2025; I listened to the unabridged audiobook (HarperAudio 2025, 9 hours)
Main idea:
Taking over her parents’ estate-sale business is not the life’s work that Emma Lewis bargained for.
Yes, she grew up helping them empty people’s nests, but nothing prepared her for her biggest and stickiest “get”—the grand, beautiful house of ill repute masquerading as a decidedly beddable B and B. Should Emma turn down potential clients in need of decluttering just because they are shady, escort-y, and proud of it?
No. A girl must make a living.
Around some hairpin turns, Lipman ingeniously reveals a straight shot to happiness.
What are the relationships like between characters? Emma has supportive parents and a female friend. Along the way, she launches a close relationship with a former teacher, and also with a former classmate.
Favorite part of the story: I related to Emma as an arguably over-educated and under-ambitious woman, struggling to find her purpose.
What do you think about the way it was written? Every word that Elinor Lipman has ever written is well worth reading. I have read all of her novels and essays—most recently, I worked through her entire book list, in order—and I own all but one of them. Her writing is neat, accessible, and consistently produces a good mood. In other words: I love the way it was written!
Was the book entertaining, educational, amusing...? Entertaining, for sure, and amusing. There were some laugh-out-loud scenes (if you're the sort of person who can be inspired to laugh out loud while reading, which I am). It is also thoughtful, a book that made me pause periodically to ponder the story's application to my own life.
If you recommend this book, to whom is it suited? I recommend this book, without reservation, to: readers of fiction; people who enjoy "women's fiction" (which, y'know, isn't really a genre any more than "men's fiction" would be, but here we are anyway); lovers of the northeastern U.S.; and, particularly, to readers with familiarity and interest in what I would term 'resale culture', consisting of estate sales, online re-selling, and so forth.
I also recommend my (current) favorites of her other books: The Inn at Lake Devine (1998), The View from Penthouse B (2013), and especially The Dearly Departed (2001).
[review template adapted from here; the title quotation is by Elinor Lipman, from The View From Penthouse B]
Published: published in 2024; I listened to the audiobook (Books on Tape; read by Eileen Stevens; 4 hours)
What is the story?
In this unflinching account of the ardent love affair between the
author and her painting teacher, which began in the 1970s, when she was a
teenager and he was married with two children, Ciment not only reflects
on how their love ignited (who leaned in first for that kiss?) but
interrogates her 1996 memoir on the subject, Half a Life.
She asks herself if she told the whole truth back then, and what truth
looked like to her in the even longer-ago era of love-bead curtains when
she fell in love, when no one asked who was served by the
permissibility around a May-December romance. In the light of #metoo,
with new understanding about the balance of power between an older man
and an underage girl, Ciment re-explores the erotic wild ride and
intellectual flowering that shaped an improbable but blissful marriage
that lasted for forty-five years, until her husband’s death at
ninety-three. This riveting book about art, memory, and morality
asks many questions along the way: Does a story’s ending excuse its
beginning? Does a kiss in one moment mean something else entirely five
decades later? Can a love that starts with such an asymmetrical balance
of power ever right itself? Suffused with the wisdom that comes with
time, Consent is an author’s brave recasting of her life’s settled narrative, and an urgent read for women of all ages.--from Amazon.com
What type of language does it use—technical, complex, standard, or colloquial? primarily standard, some technical (a background in art would help)
Does the level of language make it easy or difficult for the reader to follow? it reads (listens) like a confession, with occasional forays into art
Did you like this book? Not at all.
If you could change something, what would it be? a wise person once told me that personal disclosure creates a burden on the person receiving it, and this book is an excellent example. I was recommended this book by an article about unreliable narrators. This concept intrigues me—see, e.g., my adoration of Henry Fool—but has inherent flaws, and (for me) is intolerable in nonfiction. If I'm reading "a true story," why would I seek out one that lies on purpose?
What were your favourite parts? it wasn't quite a car-crash, but the combined revulsion and fascination are somewhat akin to that.
Did you like the characters? no
What is your recommendation? I can't recommend this book. Ciment's claim to fame is that she hooked up with a married 40-something when she was a teen, and later married him. She's not an artist, and he was not a famous one. She's written two memoirs to cash in on that big sin and that man, and in this second one she has the audacity to wonder whether he took advantage of her. Along the way, she also wrings some titillation value from her parents, a brother, a stepdaughter, and a couple of other characters, without fleshing any of them out into knowable people.
Ciment is not a bad writer, but neither is she a good one. There are no conclusions here about the main point of the book: whether Arnold was the villain in the piece. However, it's filled with pointless declarations about side issues—'all May/December relationships are [adjective]'; 'every older man looks for [activity] from a younger woman'—and otherwise wishywashy on fact and analysis. She's not a psychologist, she's not an artist, and she's worked her trade on the backs of others (and now a social movement concerning actual victims of sexual violence). Why should we care about this self-absorbed woman?
5 adjectives you would use to describe this text: meaningless, arrogant, repetitive, dismissive, frustrating
[book review template 5 adapted from here; the title quotation is attributed to George Bernard Shaw]
pub info:originally published 1891; I listened to the audiobook released 2005 by Blackstone Audio Publishing, narrated by a cast; 9 hours
Genre:semi-autobiographical novel
A brief synopsis:
Dick Heldar is a war correspondent and artist, well known for the drawings he sends home to London papers from wars in exotic places like Sudan. When he returns to London, he attempts to make a career for himself as a serious artist, and re-encounters his childhood sweetheart, Maisie. Then he learns that a minor problem with his eyes is actually the onset of incurable blindness, the result of a head injury. As his vision fails, the light of everything around him—his life, hopes, and dreams—fades with it. Terrible choices must be made between the love of a woman and the friendship of the men who stood by him at the front.
Analysis and recommendation:from a practical standpoint, this was my first, and probably last, cast-narrated audiobook. The different voices were oddly distracting. When there is just one narrator and I'm not fond of the voice, I can stop for that reason, but with this one I felt like I had to keep going even though there was only one that was very annoying.
Dick Heldar is an obtuse, sometimes-unlikable, oblivious narrator. This helps make his progression from start to finish satisfying. I liked the best friend character, Torpenhow, who is the most realistic and admirable of the bunch. The Nilghai (the fat friend, nicknamed after a gigantic antelope) is both irritating and profound, his odd presence absolutely pivotal. Maisie is disagreeable, selfish, and mercenary, my least favorite character by far.
Did I like the story? No. Am I glad I read it? Yes. Do I want to read it again? No. Do I want to talk about it at length, with someone else who's read it? For sure. Can I recommend it unreservedly? No. Are there a few people I'd suggest read it? Heck yeah.
[the book review format is adapted from here; the title quotation is from The Light that Failed]
Published:originally published in 1943; I listened to the audiobook (Blackstone Audio 2009; read by Mark Bramhall; 26 hours)
What is the storyline or plot?
Bo Mason, his wife, Elsa, and their two boys live a transient life of poverty and despair. Drifing from town to town and from state to state, the violent, ruthless Bo seeks out his fortune--in the hotel business, on new farmland, and, eventually, in illegal rum-running through the treacherous back roads of the American Northwest. Bo chases after the promise of the American dream through Minnesota, the Dakotas, Saskatchewan, Montana, Utah and Nevada, but ultimately there is no escaping the devastating reach of the Depression and his own ruinous fate.
In this affecting narrative, a defining masterpiece by the 'dean of Western writers' (The New York Times), Wallace Stegner portrays more than three decades in the life of the Mason family as they struggle to survive during the lean years of the early twentieth century.--from Amazon.com
What type of language does it use—technical, complex, standard, or colloquial?primarily standard, some colloquial
Does the level of language make it easy or difficult for the reader to follow?it is an absorbing story that feels like a conversation with someone telling about their own life, rather than a formal or detached presentation
Did you like this novel?I liked it while I listened, and it's stuck with me since.
If you could change something, what would it be?there are a handful of what appear to me as needlessly violent or disgusting moments. If I were to use the MPAA system, I would rate this R for violence, which is a little ridiculous given the overall ratio of PG-ness to R-ness. To put it another way, those few scenes could have been expressed in different ways.
What were your favourite parts?Elsa's arrival in Dakota; the fair; and Bruce in Utah and Minnesota
Did you like the characters?I unreservedly liked Elsa's uncle Karl. Apart from him, though, each character was more flawed than not, and some lost their trustworthiness or respect along the way. Liking or admiring them is not necessary to appreciation of this book, which is "about" far more than the individual characters.
What is your recommendation? I recommend this book to readers interested in the time period, in rugged individualism, in realism, and in 'the West' as an ideal of possibility.
5 adjectives you would use to describe this text:expansive, intriguing, harsh, stirring, merciless
[book review template 5 adapted from here; the title quotation is by Wallace Stegner, from The Big Rock Candy Mountain ]
1 If you could erase one past experience, what would it be?
working at the law firm. I didn't really know the person for whom I was working. That wouldn't typically be an issue, since most work is more than just the boss, y'know? But that particular setup made it impossible. I was working from home, he varied between offices in two states (30 miles apart), the other person at my level working from the other office, and the manager working from my local office. I was driving in to pick up supplies and work a few times a week. It was a full-time job with 40 hours' stated expectation, but exceeded almost the entire time I was there. There was never a clear-cut plan for communication, so it varied between the boss coming to my home to give me work, to me needing to contact him for instructions or even tasks, and usually falling somewhere in the middle and involving a combination of text messages, phone calls, emails, and command performances at the office.
It was a boring, depressing, uncomfortable job, working with two people I disliked (and one who left within a month of my arrival, escaping to greener pastures), often being expressly told that I was getting the shitty tasks and the annoying clients. And I was expected to use my personal phone for work, so those irritating clients had my number and didn't hesitate to use it.
I left the job in June, 2022. The funny thing? Clients STILL call me, hoping to get service that they can't get from the firm. Seriously, how dumb do you have to be, to think it's normal to hound your lawyer's employees to help you three years later?! (If I liked them at all, I will answer and redirect them. If they were really annoying, I just block their number.)
As ought to be clear by now, if I could burn that entire experience down into a chunk of carbon and throw it into a volcano, I would be happy indeed.
2 What are some new things you want to try?
• a colleague told me this week about his favorite Chinese hot pot restaurant, and it sounded like a fun experience unlike anything I've experienced. Alas, San Francisco is not on my itinerary anytime soon.
• I'm thinking of moving from Apple Music to Amazon Music. Not a huge change given how small a part of my life it is, but a big deal in terms of philosophy.
• rather than buying packets of taco seasoning, I'm going to make my own
• I've enrolled in (yet another) health program
through my insurance plan. Pro: it's not drug-based, there are no
in-person appointments, and it came with a free scale. Con: the scale is
"smart" (so every time I weigh in, the data is transmitted not only to
my "health coach" but also
to Amazon, to which it is intricately connected; the aforementioned coach is just one part of the intensely interactive program that has resulted in dozens of notifications each day since I signed up—and the actual program only began today!; and, when push comes to shove, there's really nothing new under the sun. Will this program work, or is it another temporary balm to a forever wound?
• a friend clued me in on an alternative to New Year's resolutions, which is a BINGO card for the year. Ideally equal parts fun and work, it is a way to identify goals and dreams, plans and wishes, that doesn't feel like a homework assignment or an unrealistic fantasy. Each box is its own reward, and crossing out a row or column can mean either a heightened sense of accomplishment or a treat, earned. I did create a card like the one pictured here but since it's a work in progress, I'm not sharing it yet.
3 What was your first job, and what did you learn from it?
bakery clerk in a grocery store. I learned so much! How to show up on time to a job, even when working at 4:AM. The intricacies of proofing, baking, and frying donuts. Working with difficult people, ver. 1.0. Balance dressing for a job that makes you smell like a piece of fried chicken while at the same time trying to look adorable around the 100 high school and college guys also on staff. How to mop a floor. Cake decorating. Flexibility (show up expecting to lay out product for the next day's baking shift and instead decorate a dozen cakes and fry chicken for the hot case). How to sober up quickly when arriving at work too close to the end of the previous night out. (A can of Coke and a couple of strictly-fresh sour cream donuts did a marvelous job, for what that's worth.)
4 What’s a song that always makes you think of someone?
Tonic, "Irish"—the only song that makes me think of Chris that also makes me smile with no lump in the throat
I won't die for England! Not for England...
5 What’s the funniest cooking disaster someone in your family had?
we'd borrowed an ice cream maker—the old style, with a hand crank—from my aunt and uncle, when I was around 5, I think? It was a big deal because we weren't really the make-it-yourself-treats type of family. We poured in the (relatively expensive) ingredients and took turns cranking. I don't recall how long it took, but there was some waiting before we were able to pull it out and try some. Whomever had poured in the vanilla extract had mistakenly grabbed the maple flavoring, so we ended up with a gallon+ of maple ice cream. None of us disliked maple, but had anticipated homemade vanilla with various toppings, like strawberries or chocolate syrup.
6 What’s the most surprising thing that really interests you?
I'm considering learning to read (and incidentally to speak) German. Portuguese or Italian, or even French, might make more sense, given my grounding in Spanish, but a lot of audiobooks that I've been into lately have been read by German narrators. Understanding the language might make it easier and more interesting to dig further into some of my favorite subjects.
7 What’s your go-to song for commuting?
the best thing about music is the infinite variety. And one of the best things about my car is its CD player (remember those?), which allows me to listen to my old playlists (including those gifted by my former physical therapist, and Adelheide, and Chris) on endless rotation.
Also, I have not had a commute for more than four years!
8 Have you ever lied about liking a family member’s cooking?
not an immediate family member, for sure. None of them has ever cooked anything for me that hasn't lived up to billing.
I have a friend who cooks for me often, and I sometimes have to be diplomatic when giving reviews. They don't cook to my taste now and then, but the friendship is far more important than my comfort and specifications in any one meal. I won't eat what I actively dislike, but there are times when I take a deep breath before and a big drink of water after certain foods cooked certain ways.
[from here, divided and adapted; the title quotation is by T.H. White, from The Once and Future King]
Which meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
breakfast, by far. I don't eat a big breakfast very often. Even at weekly breakfasts with parents & sibling, I usually get something pretty small and usually bring home part of it anyway. If I could eat anything I wanted, as much as I wanted...the plate shown here is pretty close to perfect. French toast, some fruit, eggs scrambled hard, potatoes (though I prefer the "American fries" sort to tater tots, I'll take either), and what looks like both ham and bacon. Count me in!
What do you do when you want to chill out after a long day?
read, watch movies, cook, futz with my plants
How would you spend your ideal weekend?
this one (as I write) is pretty danged close. I was done with work at 3:00 on Friday. Mostly relaxed the rest of the day, checking only a couple of things off the list before heading to bed early. Up a bit before the regular time, to be picked up by the sibling for breakfast. Home by 9:AM and relaxed a while before jaunting an hour toward the windy part of the state to water plants and check the house of a snowbird friend. Back by noon and set to spend the rest of the weekend indoors and relaxed! Currently doing laundry (which is a pretty low-key chore) and thinking about a nap before long. Movie and homemade pizza tonight. Reading and French onion soup tomorrow. Mmm
Do you listen to podcasts, or mostly just music?
mostly music. I follow a couple of podcasters on visual media (IG or YT) because the visual format allows for nuances in facial expression and gestures that audio-only leaves out. I also have 2-3 audiobooks checked out at all times, nice for when I'm doing the dishes or some other activity that cuts out the option of watching a movie or hard-copy reading.
What’s your favorite podcast?
besides those I've mentioned lately, I likeJamie Laing's Great Company. I first saw Laing on8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (2012- ), being made mincemeat by Jimmy Carr. I went into the podcast thinking that it would be more of the same, but Laing turns out to be a thoughtful, sensitive, insightful guy who comes off as genuinely interested in his guests, who are fascinating in their own right. The first episode I watched was with Rizzle Kicks, and I was hooked.
Do you prefer to go to the movies or watch movies at home?
home. I am all about supporting artists who create good film but not the huge theater conglomerates that exploit both filmmakers and moviegoers.
What was your favorite TV show growing up?
besides those I've mentioned before...Moonlighting(1985-1989). It was my introduction to the sort of sassy, sexy, smart talk that has been my fantasy ever since.
What’s your favorite TV show now?
Cross (2024- ), which I'm trying to watch on a sort of weekly-ish basis rather than an exhaustive binge with a much longer wait 'til season two. I'm a major fan of the man who is Alex Cross: Aldis Hodge. I found him through Leverage (2008-2012), Leverage Redemption (2021-2023), Hidden Figures (2016; reviewed here), One Night in Miami (2020; reviewed here)... and I've long followed him on FB and IG. After making a comment on one of his FB posts—he responded! We had an every-few-days conversation for a couple of months, talking about my little life (my words) and his big one. He told me about his interest in horology, and some about his family. We compared favorite movies and directors. Cross was just about to debut, and when it opened to major fanfare, the conversation understandably tapered off. I'm still charmed by him, though, and will always support his work.
note: after I wrote the above, it was announced that Cross has been nominated for seven 2025 NAACP Image Awards. Yay!
How would you spend your birthday if money was no object?
a very remote spa, the sort of place that is deliberately quiet and packed to the gills with relaxation options. Massages, mud baths, soothing meals on a private patio or other beautiful setting. I don't need wild parties, elaborate or expensive gifts, or even a whole bunch of people stopping by to eat cake and give hugs. I'd vastly prefer a good book or three, and a lot of quiet time to spend reading—or taking blissful naps and not even pretending to feel guilty about it!
What’s your favorite season? What do you love most about it?
autumn. What I love
most is the relief from summer and the respite before winter. In a
different part of the country or world, where those seasons are not so
extreme, I might focus more on the sights and sounds and smells of it,
in its own right. Here, though, it's all about the moderation.
Do you prefer camping or going to the beach?
beach, by far. I'm not anti-nature (see, e.g., the way I spend a couple of hours every single day when the weather is nice), just anti-sleeping on the ground, serving as a sitting target for biting critters, and never quite being dry/cool/warm/comfortable enough.
The beach is a more temporary experience and so the little discomforts can be brushed off more easily—and the big benefits enjoyed all the more fully.
Which phone app do you think you use the most?
besides the obvious: Libby. (See the podcast question, above.) Since my doctor "forbade me" to read print books (because the position is precisely wrong for my D.D.D.) and I started consuming audiobooks, I've never not had at least one, and up to four, checked out at all times.
Would you prefer to cook, order delivery, or go out to eat?
on the average day, I'd rather cook. Occasionally going out to eat is a nice alternative to shake things up. I very, very rarely order delivery. Haven't ordered anything since I've been in this home, in fact.
Lately I've been into creating slow-cooker meals. Generally on a base of chicken breast or beef roast, I add various other ingredients to make a meal of ~4 servings. I then divide it in (glass) freezer containers and add it to the rotation. It's awfully nice to pull out a serving of ranch chicken (along with frozen cooked rice) or beef and potatoes, rather than starting a meal from scratch after work. I eat less processed food, more protein, better side dishes (because my daily effort isn't wasted on the main dish), and save some money in the process. Oh, and the scent of slow-cooking food is ridiculously good.
Shown here is the successful trial-and-error goulash (a.k.a. American chop suey, Beef noodles, etc.) that I made. I don't make enough to freeze, though, because I've found that frozen pasta is pretty damned bad. One serving to eat and one in the fridge for later, though? Awesome comfort food!
How do you drink your coffee?
rarely! And as milky and chocolatey as possible. In other words, more of a hot chocolate (or iced chocolate milk) with a splash of coffee.
[from here; the title quotation is from Moonlighting, and appears in fuller form below]
I remember when they told Sylvia Plath, "Hey, Syl, cheer up!" I remember
when they told e.e. cummings, "e, baby; use caps!" But did ol' e
listen? No. Little n. Little o.
1. Other than when you're sick, have you ever spent an entire day in your pajamas? When was the last time?
it happens all the time when I'm working on a particularly engrossing project. I get a notification when I've got in coming mail (Informed Delivery is a terrific development) so a lot of the time I don't even go out to check the mail. I'm not proud of it, and always feel more productive and "normal" when I do get dressed in outdoor clothes—just accepting the reality that sometimes it doesn't happen.
When was the last time? Well, as I write this (at 3:15 PM on a non-work day) I'm still in jammies, albeit in a lounge-wear sense as opposed to sleeping garb.
I do have a personal boundary about this. I won't leave the house in PJs, because I think it looks bad on me. Not even just to take out the trash or move the car.
2. What was the last thing that happened that made you think you'd dodged a
bullet? Who was there?
so, there's this guy.... A friend from a former life, with whom I've always and only ever felt friendship feelings. When we met, we were each married to someone else. Those marriages have ended, and our friendship has persisted. However, he has some stronger, different feelings about me. I've had to smack him with the fact that those feelings are not shared and that the expression of them is completely unwelcome. The sad and frustrating part of it is that I've had to repeat that smack a couple of times, and avoid him sometimes, too. He just doesn't seem to get it. I dodged a bullet when I stood up for my own feelings, regardless of his unwillingness or inability to actually hear it.
3. What's your favorite Elvis song? Why? If you don't have one, why not?
"Suspicious Minds." It is quite different from the rest of his catalog, and the combination of Country and Popappeals to my sensibilities. The story of why and how it was recorded is pretty cool, too.
4. Should all things Christmas be illegal until December first?
if not actually illegal, I think it would be fantastic if we could wait for one holiday or season to end before launching the next one. Whatever peculiar quirk of human nature makes this happen is warping kids into believing in a weird, unrealistic idea of temporal fluidity.
For what it's worth, I think the rest of us should be able to kick anyone playing Christmas music before December. They are so damned smug about it, as if the rest of us are curmudgeons and they're completely reasonable.
5. What subject taught in school have you used most in life outside school?
English.
6. In what location would you most like to sleep under the stars?
have been thinking about this lately, as the seasons change. In my next (?) place to live, I'd like to be in a somewhat more out-of-town setting, so that I can leave windows open sometimes during the spring-summer-fall months. It's lovely to have windows open, get a cross-breeze, air out the homestead. I could do that where I live now, but there are a few drawbacks. The screens don't fit tightly in the windows, so it is an invitation for creepy crawly visitors. There is an unofficial path past my house, so it's not quite secure and can be unexpectedly noisy. Finally, I'm about half a block from a U.S. highway. It's a fairly busy road (for which I tried to find usage statistics but ended up in a rabbit-hole of DOT data that was both fascinating and useless to my purposes) and at certain times is quite loud.
I'd like to live someplace quiet and peaceful, where having the windows open (especially at night) isn't an invitation for anything except nature sounds, wind, and a view of stars from my bed.
7. Do you like marmalade sandwiches as much as Paddington Bear does?
I'm not fond of marmalade, though I will eat it in a pinch. I prefer raspberry, blackberry, or strawberry jam.
[from 3000 Unique Questions about Me; the title quotation is by Pablo Neruda, from "Tonight I Can Write (The Saddest Lines)"]
1. What have you been putting off doing that you should be doing now?
I'm waiting for work, which is far and away the most annoying thing
about my current career. We are at the mercy of an annoying hierarchy of
people making decisions, and sometimes those decisions are very badly
coordinated. I am (contractually) committed to being available for work
during work hours, but there is no correlated commitment to either
provide work or to pay for the down-time. It is frustrating, but does
not happen often and is sort of understandable.
So there's nothing that I could be doing besides waiting, and so writing is completely reasonable under the circumstances.
2. What's your favorite golden oldie song from any decade before you were born?
"Nevertheless" by the Mills Brothers. (Might as well choose a song from far before I was born!)
3. What five words or phrases in the English language would you like to lock in a box before throwing away the key?
a. "Loop" (because derivations of this word have choked the life out of business communications, e.g. loop in, close the loop, loop back)
b. "Honestly..." (because if you have to point out when you're being honest, I don't ever want to hear anything that you say)
c. "It is what it is" (because it is useless babble)
d. "Laser focused" (because excessively exaggerated hyperbole is always and forever preferable to simple accuracy)
e. "Don't take this the wrong way..." (because it's all but guaranteed that what follows will be thoroughly and intentionally offensive—and that any reaction that one could possibly give is mined with explosives and disaster)
4. "It's not what you know, it's who you know." Is that true?
that probably is true for people of a certain socioeconomic class, for those who live in certain geographic areas, and for some who work in particular fields. If you're rich, trying to succeed in the world of the rich-er, it's probably impossible to succeed without help from someone who can pull you up. If you live in a very big city, where the competition for absolutely everything is a little more fierce (or where the options are so vast that getting lost in the details is so likely), it's probably a big boost to have someone else's sponsorship, so to speak. And if one is an actor, singer, songwriter, visual artist, and so forth, then knowing someone who knows those who can buy what you're selling is imperative.
For the rest of us, it's far less useful, and far less likely anyway. Nobody I know is capable or inspired to do that sort of intentional 'mentoring.'
5. What are the most northerly and southerly points you've visited on a world map?
E.C., in the cheese state, and Miami, Florida—if my estimations are correct
6. How many scout knots can you tie?
I used to know a guy who was a sailor, the "weekend on a fancy vessel with actual sails" sort of sailor and not a "works on a ship to make money" kind of guy. He's also kind of an obnoxious, pretentious ass. He is convinced (or pretends to be) that everyone needs to know how to tie knots in order to survive everyday life. He taught me to tie a complex knot by giving verbal directions, and I succeeded...and then promptly forgot.
So, in answer to this question, I could tie one knot, at one time, but no longer. And it has nothing to do with scouts.
7. Which character from show you watched as a kid brings back the happiest memories, and why?
Dr. Sidney Freedman, from M*A*S*H. Funny, thoughtful, smart, and the window through which other characters were seen in a different way.
1. If you could retract one lie you have told in your life, which would it be?
that I didn't mind when my friends didn't visit me, during the decade when I was single and living in the Flat. I made the trip to see them, to attend their parties and holidays and funerals and command-performance get-togethers. I manipulated my time off from work, and definitely my visits with family, so that their schedules could be accommodated. I tried really hard to stay in touch, because "I was the one who left." Looking back on it now, I wish I'd just let those one-sided things wither. One person can't do all the work to keep a friendship going.
2. If you had to eliminate one season permanently (spring, summer, autumn, or winter), which one would go?
surprisingly, I would wipe out summer. That may be entirely due to it being revoltingly hot and humid outside as I write this, my central air chugging away. Ask me again six months from now and the answer may be the reverse. Suffice it to say, I'd never give up spring or fall.
3. If you had to paint your entire home, inside and out, a single color other than white, what color would you pick?
that's funny—my entire home (inside anyway) is variations on a theme already. It ranges from greenish gray to grayish green. What started out, when I first moved in, seeming kind of soothing and mellow now seems prisonesque and terribly drab.
If I had to choose one new color, it would likely be somewhere in the blue family, since that's where I gravitate when deciding how to decorate. However, it'll be a while before I devote time or energy to making such changes.
4. If you could undo one sexual encounter in your life so that it never happened, which one would it be?
the one that no one knows about because even at the time it was happening I was already regretting it. That entire year is an embarrassment to ego and humanity anyway, but that one night should be obliterated from all memory.
5. If you had to name the dumbest purchase you've ever made, which would it be?
there have been so many. I'll pick the Nordic Track, even despite the ultimate resolution. That was an example of my sometimes elaborate plans to resolve relatively simple problems. It was a giant hassle from start to finish, and what's worse, I discovered that I didn't like the activity.
6. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
oh my God, that's easy: I would wipe the one a couple of years ago that ended in confusion/miscommunication, turning into buckets of tears, morphing into some yelling, and finally resulting in hurt feelings and stubbornness that lasted for way too long.
It wasn't such a bad vacation in itself, just got a little brittle toward the end because of other stuff going on in the world, and in our lives. Overall we travel very well together, and I wish we didn't have that ugly outlier to muck up the average.
7. If you could romantically kiss someone that you never have, who would you want it to be?
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