a LOT of clothes that don't quite fit now but may be just right 'someday'; shopping for boredom-relief or dopamine surge or company; pea pods (I want to like them but I. just. don't.); pretending to believe that mean-spirited "jokes" are funny; "saving" cards and letters (except a few particularly special ones); sending a lot of Christmas cards well before Christmas (it's more like, responding to the ones I've received and sending or giving a handful of others)
Things I’m most likely to lie about:
• being "fine"
• whether I currently have a migraine
• that I'm not afraid
What’s something I wish I had more time to learn:
how to use a different blog-hosting site. No offense to the one I've been using for 21 years, but there are soooooo many limits here, and of course there's the offensively ubiquitous company that owns the platform, and the 'upgrades' that are actually institutionalized bugs (I'm looking at you, photo placement).... I've tried to teach myself to use a different one; the learning curve was prohibitive, especially after having ingrained dumb habits from this one. Maybe when I retire?
If I could only wear only three colors, I’d pick these:
• blue
• white
• black
Oh, wait—you mean I haven't been limited this way all along??
Note: I was going to illustrate this with an image of a female dressing in the style of Johnny Cash. Instead, the first photo I found was of Johnny Cash, cuddling a kitten (who looks like she's squawking!). That's monumentally cuter and more fascinating than any other picture on the planet.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Favorite books, music, TV, movies, and anything else notable this month:
Reading: The Battle for Spain (Antony Beever), an extremely long history of the Spanish Civil War; Nathan Coulter (Wendell Berry), the first in the 'Port William' series of quiet novels; Love is a Mix Tape (Rob Sheffield), a re-read of Sheffield's biography during the time surrounding his (first) marriage
Music: I haven't been in a music mode, so whatever's on or rolls up in Apple Music is fine
Movies: Absence of Malice, The Big Blue, Four Faces West, The Keys of the Kingdom (all rated 9)
other: I've been into homemade pizza and crock-pot meals; the struggle to find a really good peanut butter cookie recipe; jigsaw puzzles when circumstances allow; and winter "nesting" e.g. cleaning, organizing the condo, purging unneeded stuff from the house (see Letting Go, above)
Social media trends that puzzle me:
IG accounts that are populated with pictures or video of the smirking host pointing at something else, maybe at a split-screen of someone else's post, or a quote, or even just bizarrely manicured hands accomplishing some task that would not require such fancy hands or merit a video anyway. Whomever came up with "unboxing" ought to be subjected to cardboard cuts that will never heal.
The phrase "today years old." The Atlantic published an article ("The Case for Brain Rot")
about the mind-numbing and "irresistible" internet vernacular that's
destroying the world. That last bit may be my interpretation. It is an
instructive and disturbing article about a distressing and alienating
trend. People think that as we age, we become less savvy, and it's often
perceived to be caused by declining ability: tech becomes impossible to understand,
finances are overly complex, don't-get-me-started-about medical
insurance and healthcare. Prehaps that occurs more by design, with the
[naturally younger] creators and administrators of such institutions
intentionally obfuscating in an effort to retain their territory. If I
make this new social media outlet bewildering to the oldsters, then I am
young!
Finally, "collabs". Why would I care to see an "influencer" using a particular toilet bowl cleaner? Why would anyone want to know which meal-in-a-box is consumed by a sports figure? Why are fancy, expensive socks being shilled by an analyst of music?
Local phrases and terms I use often: hotdish; The Cities; "Yeah, no" or "Naaah, yeah"
I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It's still my symbol of rebellion—against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas.
1. If you could recover one thing you've lost in your lifetime, what would you wish to find?
a box of letters from my high school friend, Andrew. I think I lost it in the move from the junior year apartment to the little house on the east end, but God only knows. It's the only thing I've ever lost that won't quite leave my mind, wondering what happened to it.
2. If you could have the home phone number of anyone in the world, whose would it be, and what would you say to them?
assuming I could text rather than talk...I follow the sometimes silly, sometimes serious, always interesting IG page for a Los Angeles law firm, Wisner & Baum. The attorney who appears in my favorite posts would be wonderful to communicate with, behind the scenes. I could ask about law, practice, and also some personal stuff that's been shared. Count me in.
3. If you could eliminate one habit you have, what would you stop doing?
when I'm stressed, I (unconsciously) rub the side of my right thumb with the pad of the second finger. It happens frequently and badly enough that the thumbnail will not grow properly, and is often sensitive or sore. It looks rough, feels bad, and serves no good purpose.
4. If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it?
a friend from grade school, Rachel. She is a fine artist (paints in oils), a graphic designer (that's her day job), a photographer (mostly family), and a skilled amateur interior designer. She has a wonderful eye, asks good questions before coming up with solutions (form follows function), and she's incredibly nice. I trust her judgment. Working with her to redecorate would be fun!
5. If you could resolve any single dispute, anywhere in the world, what would you solve?
I would completely eliminate the idea of book banning from any person's mind. Banning books is like legislating thought, impossible and inappropriate.
6. If you could "unknow" one thing you know, what would it be?
what it feels like to love someone who loves somebody else.
7. If you could have any type of fresh cut flowers delivered to your home every week, what one type would you pick?
I'd rather have a pot of blue-purple lobelia and yellow thunbergia.
14. Why did you start blogging? What is your blog’s purpose? What do you hope to gain from blogging?
that last question made me snort aloud. What do I hope to gain? Clearly not money or comments. I started blogging because a couple of good friends were doing it, and I enjoyed their blogs (each had multiples), and for a while we were a clique: library catalogers who were also literate women with varied interests. My purpose, though, was to sort out my feelings and create a framework for life as a single person. I started blogging not quite a year before the end of my 12-year marriage.
21. Do you have a work routine that allows you to live a productive, happy, and balanced life?
hadn't really thought of it that way, but yeah I do. I work 7:AM-3:PM most days, and then I'm free to do what I want, or at least what needs to be done.
Now that the weather is fine, I'll be walking most afternoons Sunday through Wednesday, plus Friday.
I see family a couple times a week, typically Thursday and Saturday. I see a friend usually for one evening walk per week. Other friends by arrangement.
I read 3-5 books per week. Watch, on average, 4 movies. Write 7 blog posts and draft a few more for revision. Wrap and ship 5 eBay items. Eat dinner at home 6 nights, including crock pot and other meals with intentional leftovers. Water and care for plants in 3 rooms.
28. Write about the deadly sins and pitfalls to avoid.
in general, or ...? Taken literally, there are seven deadly sins: pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth. Obeying one's ego to the detriment of others; wanting more than one's fair share; holding one's own emotions as paramount over all others; putting desire ahead of sense; failing to recognize when enough's enough; and rejecting motivation and need in favor of relaxation and avoidance. Are those the only pitfalls? I think it's a difficult analysis, to determine how much self-interest is necessary and appropriate, and where that balances with proper degrees of consideration of others. Too much of the former is selfish; too much of the latter is obsessive, passive, and/or submissive.
The worst of the sins may be focusing on sin and pitfalls, and not seeing people as they are: human, faulty, complicated, and individual.
5. Is there any reason why a company wouldn't want to hire you?
work from home has become part of my inherent nature, and I would find it difficult (if not, frankly, impossible) to adapt back to in-person staffing. For work that can be done remotely, it makes a whole lot of sense to me that it should be done that way.
- employers don't need to pay for things that on-site employees take for granted, such as parking lots, toilet paper, ADA-compliant staff areas, and maintenance. (See this article regarding the benefits of telecommuting to both workers and employers.)
- fewer people working in a confined space results in lower transmission of communicable disease
- flexibility makes people happier, which makes them more productive and better performing
- carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions fell by 5.4% in 2020 (see this article for more about the effect of the pandemic on the global atmosphere)
- when I strongly believe in something, I tend to get bossy and start making lists of reasons that I'm right, which is probably off-putting
42. Do you have any personal, family, or business traditions that you stick to?
regular meals, being available to each other by text, and spending most holidays together. Those holidays are casual and often involve a meal followed by unlimited grazing, sometimes jigsaw puzzles or board games, and usually a movie or a couple episodes of Perry Mason.
49. Describe your perfect day. What would you do? Why would it be so wonderful? How can you create more days like this in your life?
a perfect day (not "the") could involve a long walk, playing with a kitty, reading an engrossing book, lots of text messages, a good surprise, no pain, a fun movie, no responsibilities, and some long hugs
56. What amazing online tools can’t you live without?
I use Blogger, eBay's seller hub, and a couple of different photo editing tools. Really, though, it's reasonably easy to adapt when something goes wonky or is no longer accessible.
57. Which are the most useful to you? What apps are underrated?
10. What business committees and groups have you been expected to participate in?
at the library, I was involved in (and served as chair of) a committee of catalogers in a consortium, where we made policy and developed procedure to support consistency and quality in our work. It was a valuable but often intensely frustrating process that resulted in a much easier to use catalog both from the patron side and the staff side—which made every committee member's job easier.
3. What are your goals for the next six or even 12 months?
have I mentioned that I'm not goal-oriented? Just reading this question makes me cringe. Life is just so changeable, y'know? You can make plans - goals - and find them dashed on the rocks by fate. Weather is unpredictable, ruining picnics. Jobs can be lost, unexpectedly. Other peoples' priorities shift. Pandemics arise. Setting goals is like making sandcastles. It feels good, like something real is being created. But relying on those things to be there in an hour or a day or six months? Foolish.
10. Who or what inspires you?
a friend who's a regular walker. An ex who's a phenomenal photographer. Mr. Kitty, a feline influencer who was adopted at an unhealthy weight and has been working hard (including with a water treadmill! How cool is that?) to get fit.
17. What keywords bring your blog the most organic traffic?
"bacon eroticism"
24. What is your blogging process from start to finish?
lately, I blog while I'm watching continuing education webinars, laptop on my lap and iPad on the table next to me. Adding movies to this mix is definitely more than my brain can handle at once, so I'm focusing on Q&A posts, interspersed with some essays (which I will launch periodically and then forget about before posting, so they end up as floating drafts that I eventually revise and post), some poetry, and maybe some photo-essays. The quizzes come from anywhere I can find them, online or (lately) in print or e-books.
I try to pre-post at least 3 days in advance, in case things come up to disrupt the flow, but it's not rare to be scrambling to finish something right before bed.
I'm also working through all my old posts—which will take a while since there's well over 5000—to sort out dead links, ill-advised references, and missing tags. It's not going to change much but helps me sleep better at night.
31. What do you wish you’d known before you started in your niche, industry, or career?
I wish that, before seriously considering law school, I'd become aware that the sort of writing that the law requires would forever change my personal writing, too. That my prose would become terse, my vocabulary convoluted, and some of my assertions hard-lined and aggressive. I think that I can still write like a normal person whose brain hasn't been fried by law school, but I know that I don't always follow through.
38. Where have you been lately? What did you learn from the experience?
this last weekend, I went with a friend to see a surprisingly large number of greenhouses in a little town about 30 minutes away. We picked a start at random and worked our way through about a dozen - and then gave up on the remaining 1/3 so we could have lunch and sit down for a while!
It was a beautiful day. Birds were singing, sun was shining, and every person we encountered was in a good mood. The area where we traveled includes a significant population involved in a traditional religion and way of life, so there were everywhere horses, particularly attractive farms, and also some delicious-looking baked and preserved goods. There were also numerous pets around (see photo at right), which was charming and fun.
I was reminded that getting out in nature boosts my mood. I learned that the temptation to over-buy outdoor plants is strong within me. It became ironically clear that many, or prehaps most, outdoor plants are suitable for full sun - with the exception of two that I had purchased from a school fundraiser. (My outdoor plants area is vehemently full sun.) I discovered that my companion was easy to wander with, not always the case of course. Neither of us spent a lot of money ($30 total, including lunch), which reaffirmed our intention to treat it more as "seeing plant museums" than "a shopping trip." And I got delightfully grubby, walking around so much on gravel and barn yards and dirt floors, so my shower afterward felt especially wonderful!
45. If you could time travel to witness any event in history, which event would you choose, and why?
the Nuremberg Trials, because it's the perfect storm of history and law - as well as an era when women's clothing would have especially suited me
If you want to receive an email when a new post appears here, contact me via the address at the bottom of the blog's main page (or in whatever way we are typically connected) and let me know what address I should add. You can unsubscribe at any time.
[the title quotation is by Erin Morgenstern, from The Night Circus]
Blogger was down for most of the day yesterday, so there's nothing prepared for today's "normal" post. I hope that doesn't come as a shock—that I'm not awake every morning before 6:00 to post a poem, and again scrambling something out before 8:00. Pre-posting makes blogging possible.
So, in the absence of time and content, here's another perspective on poetry for this blustery, cold National Poetry Month.
2. Why did you choose your blog's name? What does it mean?
the name is a quote from a poet which, when I saw it, perfectly expressed my state of mind when I was starting the blog.
3. Do you ever had another blog?
yup, a couple of them. One is still in existence—it is devoted expressly to my love of poetry.
4. What do you do online when you're not on your blog?
sell on eBay, work on research projects, job search, plan future adventures, window shop... the list goes on
5. How about when you're not on the computer?
read, write, solve jigsaw puzzles, watch movies, care for my plants... I have a whole life beyond the computer
6. What do you wish people who read your blog knew about you?
comments and other interactions make this gig worthwhile. My blog is set up to provide analytics about viewers, so I do know that someone is checking in, but feedback makes it by far more rewarding. My periodic disappearances are almost always the result of feeling like I'm pissing this into the wind.
8. What is your philosophy on your blog layout?
'lazy'. For the first several years I updated it regularly. I finally settled on a layout that is a decent balance between readable, attractive, and easy to use. It would take a lot to make me change it at this point.
9. Tell about your picture you use to represent you on your blog.
it's a baby picture of me. I have no interest in sharing what I really look like to anyone who doesn't already know me.
11. What features do you think your blog should have that it doesn't currently?
Blogger discontinued the "subscribe by email" function, which made life a lot easier.
I would like more user-friendly, intuitive formatting, particularly when posting photos.
12. What do you consider the 10 most "telling" interests that we would infer from what you blog?
• writing
• reading
• watching movies
• traveling
• poetry
• eating
• walking
• photography
• plants
• migraine headache awareness
13. Do you have any unique interests that you have never shared before? Like what?
I have developed an interest in birds, albeit from a distance. Zero desire to own one (shudder) but feeding, watching, and listening to them is a new pleasure. Black birds/grackles notwithstanding.
14. The best thing about blogging is all of the friends that you make. Aside from those folks, do you think your blog has fans?
see #6, above. Without feedback, it is impossible to know what works, what doesn't, what reaches an audience, what is ignored....
15. What's your current obsession? What about it captures your imagination?
this is a modern phraseology of which I am not a fan. 'Obsession' is not a positive!
16. What are you glad you did but haven't really had a chance to post about?
my lists of "stuff to blog about" are seemingly endless. I have scraps of paper, sticky notes, phone and computer notes, and—worst of all—mental notes of topics to cover on the blog. Loads of them make no sense anymore, the context being lost over time.
I would like to get back into writing about music, maybe a Top List of all time. And some book reviews.
17. How many people that first became a blog friend, have you met face to face?
a handful, years ago
18. What don't you talk about here, either because it's too personal or because you don't have the energy?
ha! If I'm not getting into it on the blog, then I'm not getting into it on the blog.
19. What's a question that you'd love to answer?
I'd love to get more "interview" questions from my longtime friends. I've asked, many times, and some people just won't participate. I am endlessly fascinated by the things that my friends have asked me and would love to keep doing that.
20. Have you ever lost a blogging friendship and regretted it?
very much so. Every February 27th, I have that feeling.
21. Have you ever lost a blogging friendship and thought, “Was that overdue!”
absolutely. People change, and sometimes relationships will not/cannot keep up.
[from here; the title quotation is by Jim C. Hines]
This is the Proust questionnaire, 35 questions that are supposed to reveal the real you. I decided to try it after seeing Stephen Colbert's version on YouTube (watch it here). The idea is to answer pretty quickly, so I'm not looking ahead at the next question and typing as fast as I can. Let's see how this goes....
What is your idea of perfect happiness? basic needs fulfilled with no fear for their security (like food, housing, insurance), and more theoretical needs - like love, friendship, intellectual challenges and true solitude - also abundant
What is your greatest fear? dying alone, slowly
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? insecurity
What is the trait you most deplore in others? untrustworthiness
Which living person do you most admire? my college mentor
What is your greatest extravagance? shoes
What is your current state of mind? angry, sad, frustrated
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? fidelity
On what occasion do you lie? when to tell the truth will hurt - more than the lie - someone I love
What do you most dislike about your appearance? how clearly it reflects my emotions
Which living person do you most despise? someone who hurts someone I love, on purpose
What is the quality you most like in a man? relatability, an ease with others no matter how much they make or what they're about
What is the quality you most like in a woman? curiosity
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "reasonable" and "clearly"
What or who is the greatest love of your life? Rupert
When and where were you happiest? last summer, in St. Louis
Which talent would you most like to have? insouciance
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? insecurity
What do you consider your greatest achievement? long-lasting friendships
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? a house-cat
Where would you most like to live? where it's a little warmer in the winter, in a small quiet house near a river
What is your most treasured possession? a green stuffed mouse that I got when I was 4 or 5
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? inexplicable rejection
What is your favorite occupation? research and writing
What is your most marked characteristic? slyness
What do you most value in your friends? patience
Who are your favorite writers? David James Duncan, Rainbow Rowell, Anthony Bourdain, Sherry Thomas, and Alissa Kwitney
Who is your hero of fiction? one of Dickens' heroines. Maybe Becky Wilfer?
Which historical figure do you most identify with? Eamon de Valera
Who are your heroes in real life? no heroes. The fall from a pedestal is long and painful.
What are your favorite names? Rupert and Katherine
What is it that you most dislike? mushrooms, unkindness, and blisters on vacation
What is your greatest regret? failing to get the other degrees that I could have, when I had the prime opportunities
How would you like to die? fast, with minimal fanfare, and before the money runs out
What is your motto?"Get it all down, girl. Get it all down and write as fast as you can."
I've done this twice before - it's been an age and a half - but I've not reread the answers. Go on, if you like....
1. It’s a Saturday night, what are you up to? this Saturday night, I was reading and texting
2. When do you have the best energy? Saturday mornings
3. What are you watching on Netflix? I only have Amazon Prime. I'm not watching any (new) series at the moment.
4. What’s your theme song? "The Reflex" by Duran Duran (today)
5.Which movie title best describes your life?It Happened One Night
6. What’s your decision-making style? "carpe"
7. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? with a troubling person...
8. What best describes your style? clothing: jeans, button-up, sandals. Furniture: "Danish modern." Jewelry: sterling silver or white gold, very simple and unfussy.
10. Which store would you be most likely to shop at? of all shops anywhere ever? It's a tie between the old Borders flagship store in A2—I never left there without having spent at least a hundred bucks—and Nine West, which no longer exists as brick-and-mortar either.
12. What color palette do you like most?This is a very quick designer that I used to make this palette:
13. What font style do you like most? "Andy's handwriting" (which is nothing like comic sans!) or Georgia
14. What is your favorite social media network? meh. I use FB the most often, I post the most to Tumblr, IG is often the most engaging...
15. What is your kryptonite? modern poetry anthologies, sweet purring kitties with personality, or a research quest
17. What is your go-to beverage? water, most of the time, or tea
18. Where do you get your best ideas? writing in my journal, bubbling up from my sleep, or via random challenges from D
19. What is your favorite way to travel? with my travel-friend
20. What word best describes how you were as a child? inquisitive
21. What does your calendar look like? if this means "show a picture of the calendar hanging in your house"--I don't have one. They create stress. If this means "how horrid is your personal schedule," on a scale from 0-10 with 10 being the worst, it is currently 6. This week I have a hair appointment, 3 odd deliveries, and a work appointment on Wednesday that I'm dreading. Besides that, there's a huge assignment to complete on Monday. I also need to run to the office either Monday or Tuesday, to pick up the monthly report project (running to about 600 pages this month, which is about average). And probably across the river a couple of times this week for work errands. And I skipped the "one-on-one" with my boss last month, which will come back to haunt me sooner or later. Goddamn it, my head is pounding just thinking about all this. Fuck.
22. Who is your ideal mentor? my actual mentor is my ideal mentor. Convenient, eh?
24. What area of your life would you like to improve the most? finances. The cascade effect would be positive overall.
25. Who is your alter ego? the version of me that used to go to church, didn't swear, and wore Eastland boat shoes for years
26. Which award would you like to receive? any writing award would do
27. How do you define success? material and/or career satisfaction
28. How would you describe your perfect home? I'll know it when I see it. It would be nice to have room for a pool table again, and a ping pong table, too. Maybe in a walk-out basement.
29. What are you most comfortable with? what an odd question! I'm most comfortable with 8.5 hours of sleep, 2 c. Cheerios for breakfast, 4 cups of blackberry sage or cranberry blood orange tea before noon, indoor temps between 62 and 72, outdoor temps between 60 and 70, massages every 2 weeks, hair color every 5 weeks, hair cuts every 10 weeks, a firm mattress, alcohol with no bubbles and very little ice, movies with subtitles on, a smaller (and lighter) cellphone, a car with heated seats...
30. If you could know the absolute truth to one question, what would it be? am I wasting my time?
31. What keeps you up at night? see #30, above
32. How many times per week do you make time for fun activities? perhaps too often
33. When you have something exciting to share, how do you tell people? text
34. What do you believe to be true about the world? it is, for all intents and purposes, round
35. What is your memory like? the marvelous land of Oz, combined with a fever dream, run through a cheese grater
36. How do you want to see yourself? in a mirror
37. How do you feel about spending time alone? it's my life. There are times when I wish it were different, but most of the time it's the way I like it.
38. How do you do your laundry? every 10-14 days, I break it into 3-4 loads (light, dark, sheets & towels, and sometimes "reds") and wash, generally using the Speed Wash setting. A lot of my clothes are 'hang dry', so I'll arrange all that while tumbling the rest. It takes about 3 hours, plus folding and putting away. Someday I'd like to Have my laundry Done....
39. How would you rate your current health habits? 6 out of 10 and improving
40. What photo best represents your most typical snack?
41. What are you most likely to eat after a stressful day?
42. What’s your biggest strength in being visible online? tie: "bacon eroticism" and poetry
43. What happens when you first sit down to start work in the morning? ...work?
44. When was the last time you dreamed about your career? about a week ago, I dreamed that I had a box full of (live) mice whose heads I needed to bite off, one by one. That is a typical Amy-needs-to-get-the-fuck-out-of-this-job dream.
45. What’s your biggest business fear? getting fired for, um, an ethical dilemma
46. What is your biggest business wish? being offered a job that suits me professionally and personally, that is challenging and rewarding, that I can do and feel confident and not overwhelmed, and about which I can feel proud and as if I'm doing something meaningful - and making good money, too
47. What’s the biggest roadblock to promoting your blog? privacy. Or common decency.
49. Which description best reflects your content? "personal"
[from here; the title quotation is by Tom Robbins, from Villa Incognito]
Blogger has switched out the "classic" interface for a "new Blogger". There are a few improvements and many drawbacks. No spell-check? Decreased functionality in photo placement? Switching back and forth to HTML view loses links? I have been writing and publishing this blog for sixteen years, and Blogger has changed several times over that period. It would be great if they would get their shit together about what is necessary to make the business work, what works for users, and how to accomplish all of that inside their business model. [/rant]
Some good movies hit the blog this week, including a surprise addition from the far fields. As we come closer to "the end of the list," it has been fascinating (for me) to see what rolls through--a microcosm of my taste. As always, all comments are welcome.
Shaolin (2011) - "After ambushing and killing his rival, losing everything in the process, dispirited warlord Hou Chieh turns to a Shaolin monastery seeking salvation." Source: I got the DVD after seeing a preview on another DVD I watched it because: I love martial arts movies, and particularly enjoy some of these actors' work IMDB: 6.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 74% Audience: 71% story: 7.5/10 visuals: 8.5/10 costumes, hair & makeup: 8/10 acting: 7.5/10--standout: Andy Lau (Hou Chieh) intangibles: 9.5/10--there is one scene, where the humbled and newly ... observant? aware? Hou Chieh comes upon a young monk who is training in the cold dark. He asks the young man why he is out in the cold. "So I can train! Do you ever train in the cold?" Hou Chieh smiles. The young man smiles back. "Train with me!" As they begin to work through the forms, the boy reveals his rudimentary but decent understanding of the art - and the adult reveals his love for it, the joy he takes in the work, his pleasure in it. It is an intangible, hard to explain, lovely, unforgettable moment. (see below)
overall: 8.2/10
I would recommend this to: lovers of historical martial arts films who are open to redemption stories
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014) - "Jack Ryan, as a young covert C.I.A. analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack." Source: it was included in my Jack Ryan DVD box set I watched it because: it was the last movie in the box! IMDB: 6.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 55% Audience: 53% story: 5/10--disclaimer: I have never read a Tom Clancy book. Did the guy have a danged clue that all of these stories were completely ludicrous? The C.I.A. must be in a world of hurt, if they are relying on guys like this to save the country. visuals: 8/10--so pretty, these people costumes, hair & makeup: 7/10 acting: 6/10--standout: hey look, it's Kevin Costner (Thomas Harper)! There is also director Kenneth Brannagh, effecting a horrendous 'Russian' accent and plodding through the works as the creepy Viktor Cherevin. intangibles: 6/10--I wanted to like it... It would help if they had not tried to turn it into a love story. (Ick) overall: 6.4/10
I would recommend this to: completists and maybe someone in a hotel room, bored and waiting for an event that is a couple of hours away, who does not want to spend their time watching a Bar Rescue marathon or some similar.
Your Friends & Neighbors (1998) - "Unhappy couples fall apart and hop into other beds with other people." Source: included in my "dark comedies" DVD box set I watched it because: it was the last movie in the box! IMDB: 6.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 77% Audience: 64% story: 4/10 visuals: 5/10 costumes, hair & makeup: 5/10 acting: 7/10--standout: Amy Brenneman (Mary) and Nastassja Kinski (Cheri) intangibles: 7.5/10--the discomfort level of this film is (intended to be) very high. It is very funny in parts, and also cringeworthy, and also amazingly profound - and also profoundly painful. I am not the target audience (by a long shot), so this was a tough sell. overall: 5.7/10
I would recommend this to: an intellectual with a high tolerance for awkwardness, who is not under a lot of personal stress
State of Play (2009) - "When a congressional aide is killed, a Washington, D.C. journalist starts investigating the case involving the Representative, his old college friend." Source: included in my "conspiracy thrillers" DVD box set I watched it because: it was the last movie in the box! IMDB: 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 84% Audience: 73% story: 7/10 visuals: 7.5/10 costumes, hair & makeup: 8/10 acting: 7.5/10--standout: Russell Crowe (Cal McAffrey) intangibles: 6/10 overall: 7.2/10 I would recommend this to: anyone who likes thrillers. It is a solid movie.
Casino (1995) - "A tale of greed, deception, money, power, and murder occur between two best friends: a mafia enforcer and a casino executive compete against each other over a gambling empire, and over a fast living and fast loving socialite." I watched it because: it was thematically appropriate for the weekend IMDB: 8.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 80% Audience: 93% story: 8/10--based on real events, this is a fantastic (in the 'fanciful' sense) take on how Vegas developed. Is it "true"? Did everyone behave this way? Is it played out to the extreme? This is a Martin Scorsese film!! Enjoy the excess. visuals: 8/10--flashy, gritty, raw, sumptuous (even through the limited medium of VHS!) costumes, hair & makeup: 9/10--gorgeously detailed. Robert De Niro's Sam (Ace) Rothstein is always decked out to the nines. Anyone else notice the pink theme in his wardrobe?? acting: 9/10--standouts: Terrific cast. Sharon Stone (Ginger McKenna) at the height of her prickly, obnoxious beauty. De Niro encapsulating Ace through the ages, fully embodying all the changes that time wrought. My favorites, though, were Joe Pesci as off-the-rails scary Nicky Santoro, and Frank Vincent as Frank Marino. Marino was the seemingly mild-mannered sidekick, sent along to monitor the situation for the guys back home, who tied things up in the end.
intangibles: 7.5/10--lots to debate here. The opening sequence is a drug-trip. Yes, the movie is too damned long (178 min.) and could have benefited from judicious editing. The degree of realism could be argued 'til Doomsday. Is there anything redeeming about Stone's character? What happened to the child? Why was Nicky so orally fixated? These questions contribute to it being a classic. Academy Award nominee: Best Actress--Stone overall: 8.3/10
I would recommend this to: fans of Scorsese, Vegas lore, the 'fast life', or any of these actors. This is a good one!
Red River (1948) - "Dunson leads a cattle drive, the culmination of over 14 years of work, to its destination in Missouri. But his tyrannical behavior along the way causes a mutiny, led by his adopted son." Source: my dad gave me the DVD I watched it because: I wanted something kind of mellow, to ease back into "regular life" after being away for a few days IMDB: 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 100% Audience: 88% story: 4/10--a long story to tell a short story visuals: 5/10 costumes, hair & makeup: 5/10 acting: 6/10--standout: Montgomery Clift (Matt Garth) intangibles: 5/10--this is a bare-bones Western, critically acclaimed, that did nothing for me. The characters conduct themselves inexplicably, and the ending is unconvincing. Academy Award nominee: • Best Writing, Motion picture story
• Best Film Editing overall: 5/10 I would recommend this to: John Wayne or Howard Hawks completists
It's been 15 years since the blog started. I remember sitting down to peck out those first few posts, how momentous and scary it seemed. It wasn't, really, in itself. But it did open the door to a different world. I wonder, how much of what's happened since would not have happened, without the blog? Was this the impetus of the change? One stolen taste. "Freedom."
[the title quotation is by William Makepeace Thackeray, from The History of Henry Esmond, Esq.]
14 years.
Stories of love and heartbreak. Writing about jobs and school. Tales of music, movies and books. Wandering the world, and going home. Pictures and videos. Quizzes and psychology. Poetry.
The meaning and importance has waxed and waned over time. Sometimes it's impossible for me to stay away, because the words make everything better. Sometimes it's impossible for me to write—the place where the words come from is so painful that anything that touches it is just too much.
I've made friends here, and lost some. Revealed a lot (far more than I should have). Maybe used all the sharing as a shield to protect myself from telling some truths that had reason to be told.
It started when I was 33, married, with 2 degrees and no ambition to speak of. Zero tattoos and two piercings. Living in the Flatland, surrounded by friends but too far from my family. Now I'm 47, single, 3 degrees (and easing toward a fourth)—still terribly unambitious—but at least working "a real job" again. Ten tattoos and six piercings. Living in the land 'o lakes, surrounded by family and a few phenomenal friends but too far from the others. Freezing my goddamned ass off.
It started when I didn't think I could live by myself. That I would always need to be in the care of another, somehow. And now I question whether I could ever live with anyone again.
Through it all, there are still some people reading. That amazes and humbles me. Thanks for being here, suffering my lapses, humoring my excesses, commenting occasionally, and for reading. It helps.
[the title quotation is from "Broken" by Lifehouse]
Only a couple of days late, I acknowledge the 13th anniversary of the start of the gerblog. I think it's come a long way while remaining true to its kooky little roots. Hear, hear.
"Out and about," today, puts me in mind of love. It seems very, very far from home.
Yesterday I wanted to
speak of it, that sense above
the others to me
important because all
that I know derives
from what it teaches me.
Today, what is it that
is finally so helpless,
different, despairs of its own
statement, wants to
turn away, endlessly
to turn away.
If the moon did not ...
no, if you did not
I wouldn’t either, but
what would I not
do, what prevention, what
thing so quickly stopped.
That is love yesterday
or tomorrow, not
now. Can I eat
what you give me. I
have not earned it. Must
I think of everything
as earned. Now love also
becomes a reward so
remote from me I have
only made it with my mind.
Here is tedium,
despair, a painful
sense of isolation and
whimsical if pompous
self-regard. But that image
is only of the mind’s
vague structure, vague to me
because it is my own.
Love, what do I think
to say. I cannot say it.
What have you become to ask,
what have I made you into,
companion, good company,
crossed legs with skirt, or
soft body under
the bones of the bed.
Nothing says anything
but that which it wishes
would come true, fears
what else might happen in
some other place, some
other time not this one.
A voice in my place, an
echo of that only in yours.
Let me stumble into
not the confession but
the obsession I begin with
now. For you
also (also)
some time beyond place, or
place beyond time, no
mind left to
say anything at all,
that face gone, now.
Into the company of love
it all returns.
This is a sort of test post, my first from the Blogger app on my phone. While today was an interesting day, there's not much to say except that soon, there will be lots to say.
[the title quotation is by Walt Whitman, from Leaves of Grass, and reads in its entirety as follows]
Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.
What kind of blog do you have? you tell me. I suppose it's mostly this, kind of unstructured Seinfeldian blathering about myself, books/movies/music, occasional photos, and sporadic blasts of poetry.
How many posts do you have? 2411, plus another dozen or two in draft at any one time
How many blogs [and other sites] do you follow? there are 38 in my Bloglines profile. A few of those are inactive, while others produce hundreds of posts each week. I don't know if the total posts-to-be-read has ever been lower than 500.
How many followers do you have? it varies a great deal--some inexplicably heavy-hitter posts have reached the 1200+ hit range, while others have literally zero individual click-throughs. Given how frequently I take breaks from writing, though, I can't complain that y'all take breaks from checking in.
How often do you change your theme? it's been years. Does that appeal? Shall I give it a go?
How often do you change your icon? again, not for ages. Since I've tried fairly hard to make this space "me-but-not-me", updating the photo and details seems spectacularly unimportant relative to churning out new content.
Do you have any favorite blogs? The Cat's clearinghouse of all things quizzical, Sweet Memes, is always good for a laugh and to make me think. I love xkcd--and his book is flipping awesome. And my favorite celebrity (?) blog is that of fantasy author Patrick Rothfuss.
Do you ever send anonymous messages to other people? only through my foil cap
Do you ever get anon hate? see previous answer
Have you made any friends through your blog? I've made friends. I've made enemies. I met the love of my life. I've been reacquainted with very old friends from various stages, thanks to an evolving appreciation for nicknames and vagueness. Blogs are social networks, after all.
What’s your favorite thing about blogging? the creation of something beautiful and enduring
What’s your least favorite thing about blogging? toiling in obscurity, feeling like the best of what I've done goes unnoticed, while some of the biggest hits were churned out with little thought or effort
Most overused word at this point in history: amazing. Not just in terms of the Olympics (though a Google search for "amazing Sochi" [no quotes] had about 211,000,000 hits, and "amazing Olympics" [likewise] had 488,000,000 hits), but in widespread usage. I've started to predict it before it comes out of peoples' mouths. Enough, already.
And let's not even start on this video...
If you use terms like "grand", "large", "k", "g's", and so forth, to describe large amounts of money, then you're likely not capable of understanding the ramifications of having or using such money, and you should not do so.
PayPal is driving me bonkers. I used my (admittedly) very dormant account last night, twice. I purchased two items, both of which are to be sent to an address that has been attached to my account since it's been in existence. I verified the purchases using my security key on my phone.
I got not one but two phone calls from PayPal today, verifying that I actually made the purchases intentionally. Seriously? I understand security, but how can they make money doing stupid shit like that? They actually make a telephone call when someone spends $24? And that, after I verified the account when I set it up, set up a redundant password step, and also have the security key?! And also ordered a thing, which is going to be sent to the person listed in the account, at a known address?! They tout their convenience, but none of that was terribly convenient--and if it costs me delays in receiving the ordered items, I'll be cancelling PayPal post-haste.
I cleaned and straightened my bedroom this weekend. It's still a feat of stacking and complex organization (i.e. a mess that only I understand) but it's better. If it's ever decent weather, I need to go shopping for pants. And jeans. Everything I own is a bit too big. I wonder what I do with what I have?
What's the next "real" holiday? Are there any left in the early part of the year? Oooh, Memorial Day is probably it. There's exciting news around then. I wonder who will experience it with me?
The word "viral" isn't funny anymore, if it ever was. My head's full of goo, and has been for going-on two weeks now. I can't breathe, can't taste, can't smell, can't sleep. The one thing I can (?) do is work--because I have no choice.
I've been reading a lot of books lately. It goes hand in hand with being incapable of doing much of anything beyond sitting or lying around feeling sorry for myself, and drinking lots of fluids. Tomorrow I bring home a new collected works of Rainer Maria Rilke's, which I've been looking forward to reading for a while. Who wouldn't be excited about such a thing?
Ten years ago, I sat down at my computer, after having thought about it for months, and started a blog. I knew no one would read it, that it was a waste of time and energy to even bother starting it, and that I would never stick with it anyway. It was just a lark.
2300 posts in (yes, it's that nice, round number), I can still remember how it felt to write that first one. In a lot of ways, I'm still the same as I was back then--but in most other ways, the ones that really matter, I've changed. Fundamentally. I thought that the blog itself, could fix me. Well, I've redesigned the site a few (all right, a hundred or so) times, taught myself a lot of HTML and enough CSS to get by, suffered through the rise and demise of three or four comment services, and weathered more than a handful of 'discoveries' by people whose names I'd foolishly revealed in these posts. In other words: I've learned. And those things, in themselves, have not 'fixed me,' but the experience, and living through it, and the writing of it--getting it all down--has made it better. And sometimes better is as close to right as you can hope for.
Thanks to the usual suspects, those who have been here all along and those who've found this place along the way. This isn't the place for regrets or recriminations, but it would be wrong not to mention that it's not the same, and the worse for it, without Robert, Popeye, and Johnnie.
I drove past 619 Main Street a couple of weeks ago. The parking lot that replaced it is still there, but in my mind will always be a tumbling-down gray apartment house with a dryer on the front porch. Too many memories upstairs.
[the title quotation is by William Herbert Carruth, from 'Tescott' in Sunflowers: A Book of Kansas Poems (1914)]
Every year, the annual fundraiser for my undergraduate institution calls to solicit a donation from me. The number that they have is for my mobile, since I no longer have a land-line. Every year, they have no outgoing info to declare themselves. As a single woman living alone, I do not answer calls when I cannot identify their origin. Every year, they do not leave a message. When someone (particularly from a business) calls me and does not leave a message, I do not reply--no exceptions ever. The more that this happens, the less likely that I am to ever communicate/do business with the person/business again. I just blocked their number from my cell phone what is likely the ninth year in a row. When they call the next time, they'll get the message that they've been blocked from this number. When will they get the clue what that actually means? Stop calling, stop failing to leave a message if you have to call, and for the good of all things sane, stop sending a cloying letter after you've been blocked from calling, "offering" the "opportunity" to donate. It's never going to happen again! I was surprised by how surprised I was, a couple of weeks ago, when I'd heard that a friend of mine had gotten married. I was happy for her. She and her boyfriend have been going together for a number of years, and have lived together in her condo for two. They both have good jobs, take nice vacations together, enjoy their dog and their time with friends. It seems like one of those marriages that will really work, because they were good friends first. The funny/sad/pathetic thing is that I'm hurt, or angry, or some other thing I can't quite put my finger on, that I wasn't invited to the wedding. That shouldn't bother me, or, if I'm bothered, I should just be able to get over it. I know that if I'd been invited, it would have been torture to have gone--I would literally have known the bridal couple and one other person there, so my social anxiety or snobbishness, whichever it is, would have been overwhelming. Reminders of my single state are annoying at best, as are anything that draws attention to the difference in age between me and some of my friends. So why is it such a big deal? If the situation were reversed, I would've invited them. I thought we were that kind of friend. Real friends. And we're not. It's like a dousing with cold water, and I have no idea how to act when next I face her. If I do. Hey, hey! I am right now experiencing my first nosebleed of the season. I'll try not to bleed onto the post. As you may know, I've been reading Nevada Barr's Anna Pigeon series since the books were recommended to me by The Cat last May. In that time, I've worked my way through the first fifteen books, and I'm currently about one-third through the sixteenth. (There are seventeen in the series so far.) It's strange, though, that I've not enjoyed the last two books (Borderline and the current one, Burn) much at all, after ripping through the previous fourteen in right around a year. I realized today when the problem is: Anna Pigeon has lost her edge. The fourteenth book, Winter Study, was one of the best in the series. The bad guy was really bad, and did quite a number on her--though she got her licks in, too. After I read it, I expected her to shake it off, as she had in each of the previous entries in the series, and move on to her next National Park Service post, older and wiser and with a couple more scars to show for it. Anna's a great character to read because she's an absolute car-crash in the first few books in the series, drinking too much and having illicit thoughts (and sometimes illicit relationships) with exactly the wrong people, coming close to making terrible decisions at work, and basically losing control over her life. She's a mess. As the books progress, though, so does she. She learns about the consequences of her actions, she starts to listen to the advice (both overt and subtle) that she receives from others, and she generally lives life with better care, even while facing the dangers that make the mystery and suspense part of the series so compelling. However, at some point, it all just loses momentum. She barely drinks (NOT that I'm advocating alcohol abuse! I'm just saying that her struggles with drinking were more realistic than her extraordinarily sudden ability to cool it, after years of careening out of control, alcoholically-speaking), her romantic situation is downright boring (boringboringboring), and as of the point I've reached in Burn, she's taken a full book and a third off from her job to recover what would have, in the first fourteen books in the series, not kept her off work for a day. The title quotation (by Anne Lamott) very aptly describes the way that Anna Pigeon used to think. Now, she's dull as dishwater. It's a shame, and I hope it doesn't last much longer. I'm thinking about packing up the blog and moving it; it may be time, after all these years, to pay for a domain and grant myself some leeway that Blogger (and Google) won't give. It's still in the consideration stage, and a great deal depends on how the next stage in my life plays out, but I didn't want it to be a complete surprise, should it happen. And finally: if you got some flat-soled purple (claret?) velvet shoes (oxfords, really), with what would you wear them?
