dead ends he came to think would undo him without her

In one version he'd have left her soon after he met her, but she was 

teaching him ways past the quicksand and crypts, the dead ends he 

came to think would undo him without her. 

    In another it was the vein of obligation spun seemingly out of her 

bosom that held him: he roved and raged, raged and roved, but it 

still bound him to her. 

    The episode of his confession has her scouring his psyche with 

caustic correctives: she so comprehended his flaws, could so expli-

cate his weaknesses —how could he not stay with her? 

    Finale and coda: out past the monsters of conscience, through 

labyrinths of guilt and contrition, detested, envenomed, he found 

himself back in the world beyond myth; no longer merely paroled 

but—he hardly knew what to do with himself—free. 

 

[C.K. Williams {1936-2015} 'Myth', from All at Once]

the bird didn't read the papers

The bird chirped: What sunshine! 

Ah, what aroma! Spring has come 

and I must seek my mate . . . 

 

The bird unfolded off the ledge 

into the air like a flown message. 

 

The bird was small. 

The bird was foolish. 

The bird didn't read the papers. 

The bird had no debts. 

The bird didn't know people. 

 

The bird in the air 

high above flashing red lights 

joyfully soared in oblivion, 

deliriously lived the sky's blue moments. 

 

The bird, 

                ah, 

                        was just a bird. 

 

 [Forugh Farrokhzad {1935-1967}, 'The Bird, Was Just a Bird', from Sin, trans. by Sholeh Wolpé]

you cannot see the lettuce and the dressing without suspecting a salad

More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨

 

🥗 What’s the Dressing on Your Life’s Salad?🍴

 

Life is a salad—messy, colorful, occasionally baffling—and what ties it all together is the dressing. Some people keep things bright and zesty, some lean rich and comforting, and others like a little sweet with their tang. Take this quiz to discover the flavor profile that best captures the way you move through the world.  

---

1. Your ideal lunch situation is: 

    A. Something fresh and bright that wakes up the day. 

    B. A cozy comfort meal you know you’ll enjoy. 

    C. Something a little fancy that feels like a treat. 

    D. Whatever’s quick—I’ve got things to do. 

 

2. Your friends rely on you because you: 

    A. Bring energy and enthusiasm wherever you go. 

    B. Make everyone feel comfortable and cared for. 

    C. Have great taste and thoughtful ideas. 

    D. Keep things practical and efficient. 

 

3. Pick a weekend activity: 

    A. Farmers’ market wandering. 

    B. Cooking something comforting at home. 

    C. Trying a new restaurant or wine bar. 

    D. Getting errands done early so the rest of the day is free. 

 

4. Your personal motto might be: 

    A. “Add a little sparkle.” 

    B. “Make it warm and welcoming.” 

    C. “Details matter.” 

    D. “Keep it simple.” 

 

5. If life gets chaotic, you usually: 

    A. Look for the bright side and keep things moving. 

    B. Slow down and focus on what feels comforting. 

    C. Step back and think your way through it. 

    D. Simplify the problem and tackle it directly. 

 

Results in the comments! 

 

[the title quotation is by Arthur Conan Doyle, from The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard]

that risk is all there is

He pushes behind the words 

which, awkward, catch 

and turn him to a disturbed 

and fumbling man. 

 

What if it all stops. 

Then silence 

is as silence was 

again. 

 

What if the last time 

he was moved to touch, 

work out in his own mind, 

such limits was the last— 

 

and then a quiet, a dull 

space of hanging actions, all 

depending on some time 

has come and gone. 

 

God help him then 

if such things can. 

That risk 

is all there is. 

 

[Robert Creeley {1926-2005} 'Waiting', from The Collected Poems of Robert Creeley, 1975–2005]

seemingly inexhaustible sophistication of awareness

Just sitting around smoking, drinking, and telling stories, 

the news, making plans, analyzing, approaching the cessation 

of personality, the single personality understands its demise. 

Experience of the simultaneity of all human beings on this planet, 

alive when you are alive. This seemingly inexhaustible 

sophistication of awareness becomes relentless and horrible, 

trapped. How am I ever going to learn enough to get out. 

 

The beautiful soft and lingering props of the Pacific here. 

 

                                                The back door bangs 

                        So we’ve made a place to live 

        here in the greened out 70s 

                                        Trying to talk in the Tremulous 

                                morality of the present 

                        Great Breath, I give you, Great Breath! 

 

[Joanne Kyger {1934-2017} 'And With March a Decade in Bolinas', from A Book of Luminous Things: An international anthology of poetry, edited by Czeslaw Milosz]

your dear voice is not dear, Gentle, and evening clear, As theirs whom none now hear

Red lips are not so red 

    As the stained stones kissed by the English dead. 

Kindness of wooed and wooer 

Seems shame to their love pure. 

O Love, your eyes lose lure 

    When I behold eyes blinded in my stead! 

 

Your slender attitude 

    Trembles not exquisite like limbs knife-skewed, 

Rolling and rolling there 

Where God seems not to care; 

Till the fierce love they bear 

    Cramps them in death’s extreme decrepitude. 

 

Your voice sings not so soft,— 

    Though even as wind murmuring through raftered loft,— 

Your dear voice is not dear, 

Gentle, and evening clear, 

As theirs whom none now hear, 

    Now earth has stopped their piteous mouths that coughed. 

 

Heart, you were never hot 

    Nor large, nor full like hearts made great with shot; 

And though your hand be pale, 

Paler are all which trail 

Your cross through flame and hail: 

    Weep, you may weep, for you may touch them not. 

 

 [Wilfred Owen {1893-1918} 'Greater Love' from First Loves: Poets Introduce the Essential Poems that Captivated & Inspired Them; Carmela Ciuraru, ed.]

a fistful of gathered pebbles there was no point in taking home

Talking was difficult. Instead 

we gathered coloured pebbles 

from the places on the beach 

where they occurred. 

 

They were sea-smoothed, sea-completed. 

They enclosed what they intended 

to mean in shapes 

as random and necessary 

as the shapes of words 

 

and when finally 

we spoke 

the sounds of our voices fell 

into the air         single and 

solid and rounded and really 

there 

and then dulled, and then like sounds 

gone,     a fistful of gathered 

pebbles there was no point 

in taking home, dropped on a beachful 

of other coloured pebbles 

 

and when we turned to go 

a flock of small 

birds flew scattered by the 

fright of our sudden moving 

and disappeared: hard 

 

sea pebbles 

thrown solid for an instant 

against the sky 

 

flight of words 

 

[Margaret Atwood {1939- } "ii. Pebbles" from 'Some Objects of Wood and Stone', in Selected Poems 1965-1975]

the plot goes where the money flows - we simply follow orders

Average rating: 7, disregarding the turkey

 

A Fistful of Dollars {Per un pugno di dollari} (1964) - "Wandering gunfighter Joe arrives in the Mexican village of San Miguel in the midst of a power struggle among sheriff John Baxter and the three Rojo brothers. When a regiment of Mexican soldiers bearing gold is waylaid by the Rojo brothers, Joe is hired by Esteban to join the gang, but he plays one side against the other." 

length: 1h, 39m  |  source: my DVD  |  directed by Sergio Leone  |  why I watched: I'd seen it a few times, but never reviewed

IMDb: 7.9/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 98% / 91% Audience  |  my IMDb: 7/10  |  MPAA: R

tone & texture: gritty, grit & grain

notable quote: "'You see, I understand you men were just playin' around, but the mule, he just doesn't get it. Course, if you were to all apologize...'

    [they laugh] 

    'I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.'"

my notes: it's not subtle, but then it's not supposed to be. This is a distillation of Westerns, in one untidy package. 

themes: justice, chaos v. order

overall:  recommended

 

Payback (1999) - "A small-time criminal double-crossed by his partners claws his way back from the brink of death with a single, obsessive goal: collecting the money he believes he’s owed. In Payback, that simple premise unfolds as a relentless march through a bleak urban underworld where every encounter leads to another beating, threat, or act of retaliation. The film leans heavily on cynicism and brutality, presenting a criminal ecosystem in which nearly every character is corrupt and violence is the primary language of negotiation. What begins as a straightforward revenge caper gradually settles into a grim exercise in endurance." 

length: 1h, 40m  |  source: PlutoTV  |  directed by Brian Helgeland  |  why I watched: it's been in my Pluto watchlist for ages

IMDb: 7.0/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 56% / 69% Audience  |  my IMDb: 1/10  |  MPAA: R

tone & texture: cynical, monochrome/muted

my notes: I watched for a while, maybe 30 or 40 minutes, before turning it off. Violence for the sake of violence, with no shot at redemption or meaning, is oppressive. 

themes: revenge

overall: not  recommended

The Goldfinger {Jin shǒu zhǐ} (2023) - "Set against the roaring boom and brittle excess of 1980s Hong Kong, The Goldfinger follows the meteoric rise of a flamboyant financial operator whose empire expands faster than its foundations can support. As wealth multiplies and influence spreads through banks, brokers, and boardrooms, investigators begin to trace the fault lines of a spectacular fraud. What unfolds is less a simple crime story than a chronicle of ambition, illusion, and the dangerous alchemy of money and charisma." 

length: 2h, 6m  |  source: Fawesome  |  directed by Felix Chong  |  why I watched: it stars my two recent favorites, Tony Leung Chiu-wai and Andy Lau, back together again for the first time since the Infernal Affairs saga

IMDb: 6.2/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 59% / 75% Audience  |  my IMDb: 8/10  |  MPAA: not rated

tone & texture: unsettling, high-color/stylized

notable quote: "'You think I'm stupid?'

    'Mmm hmm.'"

my notes: it's so much deeper than it looks. It reminds me of a combination of Wolf of Wall Street, Catch Me If You Can, and maybe Criminal Minds or Law & Order: Criminal Intent. It's crazy, loopy, BIG, quite funny at times, desperately sad, and intricately complex in the layers that need unraveling. And all built around the stupidly simple structure of pyramid scheming.

    Leung is terrific as Ching Yat Yin, showing off his range and facility for micro-expression. Dude can say more with one eyebrow than most actors could in a monologue. He is incredible. Andy Lau, playing the straight banana, can somehow convey personal power and the force of righteous justice at the same time as the weariness and frustration of being under bureaucratic water. He is accessible.

    (The Chinese title translates to something like "Magic Touch" or "Money-maker", giving it less of a cheeky James Bond nod and more of a Scorsesesque greed stamp.)

themes: power, transformation, justice

overall: highly recommended

Eat Drink Man Woman {Yǐn shí nán nǚ} (1994) - "In Taipei, a widowed master chef gathers his three adult daughters every Sunday for elaborate family dinners—ritual feasts prepared with extraordinary care, even as the family members themselves struggle to say what they truly feel. In Eat Drink Man Woman, daily life unfolds through food, conversation, and small revelations as each daughter begins to reshape her future. With warmth, humor, and quiet observation, the film explores how love, independence, and tradition collide within a modern family, where the most important conversations often happen between bites." 

length: 2h, 4m  |  source: PlutoTV  |  directed by Ang Lee  |  why I watched: this film was recommended as a natural follow-up to Little Forest (2018, reviewed here)

IMDb: 7.8/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 88% / 92% Audience  |  my IMDb: 7/10  |  MPAA: not rated

tone & texture: intimate, classic Hollywood polish

notable quote: "'Don't get upset.... It was bound to happen.' 

    'I'm not upset. I hope they all move out, so I can have a quiet life.' 

    'Quiet life? I know you. What you want, you can't get. What you don't want, you can't get rid of. You're as repressed as a turtle.'"

my notes: I liked it. The food looked amazing, the cooking was fun, and some of the relationships were fascinating. But it didn't quite move me, as I'd hoped. The eldest daughter (Jia-Jen, played by Kuei-Mei Yang), especially, was hard to like or relate with. 

    The original title is part of a Chinese proverb. It does mean "eat drink man woman" but in Asian audiences, this is clearly known to be the sum of fundamental needs and desires. In the movie, the eat/drink part is literal (and also represents the father's way of communicating). The man/woman part should be apparent.    

themes: tradition v. change, love

overall:  recommended

 

The Killing (1956) - "A meticulously planned racetrack robbery draws together a group of small-time operators, each assigned a precise role in a tightly timed scheme. The plan unfolds from multiple angles, revealing how preparation, personality, and chance intersect in ways no one can fully control. As the clockwork design begins to strain under human weakness and unforeseen variables, the film turns a straightforward heist into a study of how fragile even the best-laid plans can be." 

length: 1h, 24m  |  source: PlutoTV  |  directed by Stanley Kubrick  |  why I watched: it was recommended as a well done, different sort of noir

IMDb: 7.9/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 96% / 92% Audience  |  my IMDb: 6/10  |  MPAA: Approved

tone & texture: straightforward, noir shadows

notable quote: "I know I'm not pretty, and I'm not very smart. Please don't leave me alone again."

my notes: I didn't love it. I can see how it was well done—it's all about the structure of the heist, the 'how'—but it's not the kind of film that I can grab onto. I need the 'why', to find a movie I can love. 

themes: chaos v. order

    Roger Ebert loved this one.  

overall:  recommended, I guess? Others may like it better than I did. 

 

[the title quotation is from The Goldfinger]

a sweetly growing spaciousness

Just before he died, 

when Tim had come back 

from his dream of dying 

to tell us it was all 

just bush league, Little League, 

why the hell did I waste 

time fearing it? I thought 

 

of that moment when the ball's 

hit and you start in and, 

uh-oh, should have gone 

the other way and all 

you can do is watch it arc 

over your clumsy scramble 

to reverse direction— 

 

too late too late, why 

hurry, and anyway 

isn't the lifelong 

fought-against sensation 

of defeat now nearly 

irresistible, a sweetly 

growing spaciousness 

 

in which the celebration 

at home plate shrinks 

to nothing, and the cut-

off man, no longer shouting, 

or waving, turns away 

to kick his glove in tiny 

dust clouds down the infield? 

 

[Alan Shapiro {1952- } 'Misjudged Fly Ball', from The Best American Poetry 2006]

how to walk down a sidewalk without looking back

My older brother is walking down the sidewalk into the suburban summer night: 

white T-shirt, blue jeans— to the field at the end of the street. 

 

Hangers Hideout the boys called it, an undeveloped plot, a pit overgrown 

with weeds, some old furniture thrown down there, 

 

and some metal hangers clinking in the trees like wind chimes. 

He’s running away from home because our father wants to cut his hair. 

 

And in two more days our father will convince me to go to him— you know 

where he is— and talk to him: No reprisals. He promised. A small parade of kids 

 

in feet pajamas will accompany me, their voices like the first peepers in spring. 

And my brother will walk ahead of us home, and my father 

 

will shave his head bald, and my brother will not speak to anyone the next 

month, not a word, not pass the milk, nothing. 

 

What happened in our house taught my brothers how to leave, how to walk 

down a sidewalk without looking back. 

 

I was the girl. What happened taught me to follow him, whoever he was, 

calling and calling his name. 

 

[Marie Howe {1950- } 'The Boy', from What the Living Do]

hungry for the old, familiar ways

Bananas ripe and green, and ginger-root, 

    Cocoa in pods and alligator pears, 

And tangerines and mangoes and grape fruit, 

    Fit for the highest prize at parish fairs, 

 

Set in the window, bringing memories 

    Of fruit-trees laden by low-singing rills, 

And dewy dawns, and mystical blue skies 

    In benediction over nun-like hills. 

 

My eyes grew dim, and I could no more gaze; 

    A wave of longing through my body swept, 

And, hungry for the old, familiar ways, 

    I turned aside and bowed my head and wept. 

 

[Claude McKay {1889-1948} 'The Tropics in New York', from Kiss Off: Poems to Set You Free]

follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can

More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨

 

📜 Which Jane Austen Character Speaks Your Truth? 📚

 

Jane Austen’s world is full of sharp observers, loyal hearts, quiet thinkers, and people who are not afraid to say exactly what they mean. Some navigate society with wit, others with patience, others with bold honesty. If one Austen voice were narrating your outlook on life, whose might it be? Take this quiz to find the character whose perspective most resembles yours.  

---

1. At a lively social gathering, you usually: 

    A. Observe the room quietly before deciding where you fit in. 

    B. Trade witty remarks with whoever seems interesting. 

    C. Make sure everyone is comfortable and included. 

    D. Say exactly what you think and let the room adjust. 

 

2. When faced with a difficult decision, you tend to: 

    A. Think carefully and act with quiet resolve. 

    B. Follow your instincts and trust your judgment. 

    C. Consider everyone else’s feelings first. 

    D. Speak plainly and deal with consequences later. 

 

3. Your friends appreciate that you: 

    A. Stay steady when emotions run high. 

    B. Bring intelligence and humor to every conversation. 

    C. Notice what others need before they say it. 

    D. Refuse to pretend when honesty is needed. 

 

4. Pick a motto that feels closest to your outlook: 

    A. “Grace under pressure.” 

    B. “A sharp mind keeps life interesting.” 

    C. “Kindness is never wasted.” 

    D. “Truth is better than politeness.” 

 

5. In a story, you are most drawn to characters who: 

    A. Show quiet strength over time. 

    B. Challenge the world with wit and intelligence. 

    C. Care deeply for the people around them. 

    D. Speak boldly and shake things up. 

 

Results in the comments! 

 

[the title quotation is by Jane Austen, from Pride and Prejudice]

we listen through large arrays adjusted eagerly to hear the news that we are not alone

We've always been out looking for answers, 

telling stories about ourselves, 

searching for connection, choosing 

to send out Stravinsky and whale song

which, in translation, might very well be 

our undoing instead of a welcome. 

 

We launch satellites, probes, telescopes 

unfolding like origami, navigating 

geomagnetic storms, major disruptions. 

Rovers with spirit and perseverance 

mapping the unknown. We listen 

through large arrays adjusted eagerly 

 

to hear the news that we are not alone. 

Considering the history at home, 

in houses, across continents, oceans, 

even in quests armed with good intentions, 

what one seeker has done to another— 

what will we do when we find each other? 

 

 [Diane Thiel {1967- } 'Listening in Deep Space', from The Best American Poetry 2023]

from princess to woman in all her fresh particularity of difference

How could they think women a recreation? 

Or the repetition of bodies of steady interest? 

Only the ignorant or the busy could. That elm 

of flesh must prove a luxury of primes; 

be perilous and dear with rain of an alternate earth. 

Which is not to damn the forested China of touching. 

I am neither priestly nor tired, and the great knowledge 

of breasts with their loud nipples congregates in me. 

The sudden nakedness, the small ribs, the mouth. 

Splendid. Splendid. Splendid. Like Rome. Like loins. 

A glamour sufficient to our long marvelous dying. 

I say sufficient and speak with earned privilege, 

for my life has been eaten in that foliate city. 

To ambergris. But not for recreation. 

I would not have lost so much for recreation. 

 

Nor for love as the sweet pretend: the children's game 

of deliberate ignorance of each to allow the dreaming. 

Not for the impersonal belly nor the heart's drunkenness 

have I come this far, stubborn, disastrous way. 

But for relish of those archipelagoes of person. 

To hold her in hand, closed as any sparrow, 

and call and call forever till she turn from bird 

to blowing woods. From woods to jungle. Persimmon. 

To light. From light to princess. From princess to woman 

in all her fresh particularity of difference. 

Then oh, through the underwater time of night, 

indecent and still, to speak to her without habit. 

This I have done with my life, and am content. 

I wish I could tell you how it is in that dark, 

standing in the huge singing and the alien world. 

 

[Jack Gilbert {1925-2012}, 'Don Giovanni on his Way to Hell (II)' from Collected Poems]

come out to a world made new

When I take the chilly tools 

from the shed's darkness, I come 

out to a world made new 

by heat and light. 

 

The snake basks and dozes 

on a large flat stone. 

It reared and scolded me 

for raking too close to its hole. 

 

Like a mad red brain 

the involute rhubarb leaf 

thinks its way up 

through loam. 

 

[Jane Kenyon {1947-1995} 'April Chores', from Otherwise: Poems]

I am the one with the curiosity

Totally abashed and smiling 

                                                I walk in 

                                                sit down and 

                                                face the frigidaire

                            it’s April 

                            no May 

                            it’s May 

 

such little things have to be established in the morning 

after the big things of night 

                                        do you want me to come? when 

I think of all the things I’ve been thinking of 

                                                                    I feel insane 

simply “life in Birmingham is hell” 

                                                    simply “you will miss me 

                                                        but that’s good” 

when the tears of a whole generation are assembled 

they will only fill a coffee cup 

                                                just because they evaporate 

doesn’t mean life has heat 

                                                “this various dream of living” 

I am alive with you 

        full of anxious pleasures and pleasurable anxiety 

hardness and softness 

    listening while you talk and talking while you read 

I read what you read 

                            you do not read what I read 

which is right, I am the one with the curiosity 

                            you read for some mysterious reason 

                                I read simply because I am a writer 

the sun doesn’t necessarily set, sometimes is just 

                                                                            disappears 

                            when you’re not here someone walks in 

                                                                        and says “hey, 

there’s no dancer in that bed” 

                                O the Polish summers! those drafts! 

                            those black and white teeth! 

you never come when you say you’ll come but on the 

                                                    other hand you do come 

 

[Frank O'Hara {1926-1966} 'St. Paul and All That', from Lunch Poems]