1. What was the last thing that blew your mind?the pain of a toothache is ferocious and uncontrollable. One night last week, I was unable to sleep because the weight of my tongue or cheek on the tooth (which was infected) was breathtaking. It's back to maybe 30% functionality now.
2. Your colleagues have just given you a round of applause. What have you done?directed the project manager's attention to a different colleague's, er, inability or unwillingness to follow the protocol
3. If you could outsource one routine task or chore forever, what would it be?cleaning glass, which mystifies me
4. What have you been complimented on most in your life so far?my eyes
5. Should a life sentence actually be for life?yes, absolutely
6. What's your favorite cake frosting?it's an old-fashioned cooked version called White Mountain Frosting. Time-consuming, very sweet, and fluffy, it is perfect on angel food cake.
7. Have you ever been on a blind date?not precisely
8. Which appliance in your home is the noisiest when in use?the paper shredder, which is deafening
9. Which one of your friends would be most likely to win a plate-spinning contest?Dan.
This is a compliment. He somehow manages to be organized, multi-faceted, and physically adept, all at once.
10. What's the most painful thing you've ever stepped on without shoes?a rusty nail. Why is it that when kids step on a nail, it's always huge and rusted?
11. You've been offered $100,000 to do a ski jump. Would you do it?I would sure as Hell try
12. What one rule should never, ever be broken?don't talk about Fight Club
13. What's the highest score you've ever achieved on a test?106%, in the first History class that knocked me flat with fascination
13. What's your favorite genre, and how did you come to love it so much?
Mystery, for fiction books. History, for nonfiction. Action movies. Classic rock music. It's hard to put a finger on how I came to love these things, at least in a way that would be satisfying to anyone else. Is there a good way to explain the motivations of love, in any form?
14. Is there anything in your best friend's behavior that annoys you regularly?
yes
15. What’s the most useful thing you’ve learned from your parents?
jeez, there are so many! Make time for reading. It's always worth paying an expert in plumbing or electrical work. Take a treat break mid-afternoon. Remember peoples' birthdays and other special times. Measure twice, cut once.
16. Which traditions of other cultures would you like to be more prominent in your own country?
ceremony, ritual, and identity. Culture, really. (See, e.g., India.)
National identity, especially about sports. (Spain. England. Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oy Oy Oy!)
18. How do you go about making friends with someone?
I have no idea, truly. The best friends of my life have been either intensely random or terribly obvious. The obvious were classmates, or roommates, or work people with whom I had a lot in common. The random... well, how do you know?
From Jens Christian Grøndahl's Silence in October:
“What was it about her that made her such a watershed? ... Was it ... her way of intuiting what I
was going to say ... because each of us had thought and felt the same thing? Was it the
remarkable, finely tuned, undisturbed, and noiseless wavelength where we
had found each other so easily, because for years we had transmitted on the same frequency without knowing it?”
From Anne Lamott's All New People:
"In a way I've never quite understood, the veil tore an inch for me that
day, like it does every so often, when in the midst of all that is
mundane and day-to-day, there's suddenly a tiny tear in the veil, and
you see the bigger brighter thing, and then the veil repairs itself, and
the day goes on as before."
A truly unexpected connection can revolutionize everything.
19. Do you ever think in abstractions?
I laughed out loud. When don't I have some abstraction going on up there?? [FWIW, this article from WBUR Boston speaks volumes about my aesthetics.]
20. Could you share a room with someone for a year?
yes, but only one someone
21. Do you ever feel like you’re playing a character because of the clothes you’re wearing?
I have, yeah. I don't think that's too rare, especially for women. Imagine growing up a small, skinny, roughhousing, funny kid. Then, seemingly overnight, your body completely changes. Inside, outside, up, down, all the way around. Wait: I've got a recognizable butt now?? Uhm, who decided that I have to bleed - and, every 28 days are you fucking kidding me?! Stop. Looking. At. My. Chest., classmate I've known since we were in kindergarten, why am I suddenly that, to you?? And hey, why can't I wear the same kinds of clothes that I used to wear - I never fucking asked for this.
So, which persona is "character"? Is it the skinny, energy-filled smiley brat? Is it the intensely awkward teen, trying to pull back into my turtle shell and hide my new body? Is it me, now? Is it 'business casual', formal, athletic, jeans-and-flannel, vamp? Maybe all I am is characters, no longer authentic in any way.
22. When it came to choosing a career path, did you consider the jobs you dreamed of as a kid?
hard to imagine that I'd actually have become a rollerskating-to-work sports photographer in Boston. Through my first quarter in college, I really thought I'd follow through with just the photography aspect, anyway. It didn't take long, though, to realize that even that much was unrealistic. Photography, art, yearning, love - all of that sublimated to a whole lot of learning ... History. It was only an academic exercise, though, despite pushing through seven years of it. I never had the least intention of "doing History." Then, law. Did I "dream of" being a working lawyer? Never.
For that matter - library-ing wasn't a goal, either. God knows, working in a bank (any of the three roles I played there) was so far from any dream that I ever had, it still seems ridiculous and surreal.
Here we are, then, back in the legal world, albeit the left field of it. Not what I dreamed of, except that it's work that needs doing, that I know how to do well, that 'suits me' in some sense, and that results in (just) enough income to pay the bills and (sometimes) have a little left over.
23. Do you like your mom’s cooking?
love it. She makes the best roast beef and gravy. Her homemade rolls are outstanding. Anything breakfast-like is terrific. Soup, chili, lasagna. Mmm
24. What disappoints you?
Overly big boxes with small contents. Soggy french fries. Take-home pay.
[from here; the title quotation is from All New People by Anne Lamott]
I grew up thinking that my family was firmly 'middle class.' It's taken me years to realize that my parents just did an extraordinary job of making ends meet, and that at times we were probably not much above the poverty line. We always had clean clothes and food to eat, but the extras were very extra and rare.
I was married two weeks after college graduation. My new spouse also grown up considering himself middle class, though his family had probably scratched for a living even more than mine had. His dad often worked two or three jobs to support them, despite the benefit that his two Master's degrees should have brought. However, his mom had grown up 'monied' and still thought of herself, and her child, as at least 'upper crust' if not precisely upper class. She had pretensions and played them out wherever possible. She found me lacking in all sorts of ways, and rarely hesitated to let me know. My appearance did not meet her standards of, if not hygiene, prehaps grooming. My hair was too long, my clothes 'unique', my concern about all of that sadly lacking. My education and career choices were completely wrong, vain and pointless. She was never able to criticize my care about or for her son, though, which was all that saved our interactions.
It was in that state of mind that we started married life, in the crucible and surrealism of graduate school. He was a year into his Ph.D. program when we married. I had no plan for what to do after college and so just went with the flow for a while. A couple months after moving to his new college town, getting used to the city and being married and having no money, I got a job. I was hired as an Enrollment Counselor at a test prep company, a position that soon morphed into Office Manager—both because I am a natural organizer of things and because I am fundamentally unsuited to be a salesperson. That was an excellent role for me, a terrific company that I believed in, working with a crew that I completely adored and who helped me not be so terribly homesick.
A year or so into the job, we all went to an event together. It may have been a wedding or holiday party, but those details have faded. What I recall with crystalline brilliance, is when we team members greeted each other and introduced our dates to the group. Among others, I met the wife of my 3-levels-up boss. He was a fairly big-wig in the company, which turned out to be a stepping stone to an outstanding career. His wife, though, was really something. Her job was Marketing Director (or some such title) for a country. An entire country. Not a huge country, but a cool one: it's a Caribbean island, in the Antilles. Marketing Director for a tropical paradise. My friends were reporters and factory workers, computer techs and low-level store managers. Our vacations were staying with family, a weekend up north, or sometimes a huge splurge to visit a waterpark. No one I knew had ever visited a place like that, where she flew several times each month.
Needless to say, this woman intimidated me, and in ways that I did not yet comprehend. She was glamorous. I don't mean that "glamorous" was a way to describe her—more like, she defined glamorous (in a way).
So there we were, a pack of colleagues, introducing our spouses and dates. There were handshakes...and cheek kisses. Need I explain that I'd never kissed anyone's cheek? Except for babies, of course, and boyfriends being given the let down speech. My heart sank, immediately, at the prospect of participating in this literally foreign custom. When Boss presented her to me and we leaned toward each other, she murmured, "Kiss low."
What the Fuck did that mean?
I am not a tall woman. My spouse was not excessively tall, either, maybe four or five inches more than me. Boss Man is downright short, maybe my height at most. His wife, though, towered over all of us, and in heels. If I was going to kiss her cheek, I would need to stretch to my maximum height, and even then rely on her benevolence to bring herself down to my level.
What the fuck? Kiss low?
I was adept enough to realize that I was not to precisely kiss her cheek. It was the journey that counted, rather than the destination. It was a kissing motion in the direction of the left side of her face. It was intensely artificial, awkward, and quaint but not in a pleasant way, like going to your favorite corner bar and being expected to dance a waltz. I was enormously uncomfortable, not just with the realization that I would need to do it, or the actual task, but afterward as well. I knew I'd done it wrong, that I'd clearly needed instruction to do something that others take for granted, and that I had been and would be judged for my patent inability to fit in. No one ever mentioned it again, and indeed I've probably not been in a position to cheek-kiss even a handful of times since then. No one else ever said anything about it.
What brought this up?
I've been pondering social anxiety. Isn't that precious? To take advantage of isolation to contemplate the inability (or unwillingness) to fit in? Most days I exercise in part by taking long, rambling walks. Because I like to take pictures along the way, I don't use headphones or earbuds to entertain me, instead listening to/for wildlife and generally letting my thoughts guide me. Often the thoughts are practical—"what was that?" being a common theme, followed in frequency by "what's for supper" or "fuck fuck fuck I'm tired/hot/sore"—but sometimes more theoretical. What should I blog about? What's keeping me from sleeping? Why is so-and-so behaving such-and-such? What is the meaning of contentment? What about solitude? How much is too much, and when will I know? And earlier this week, I was pondering my independence, which is also characterized as isolation or ego or solitude. Self-sufficiency or non-engagement. Have I, in figuring out how to be alone, turned away from connections? And if I have, why?
Introversion is suddenly a badge of honor, celebrated for its quirky joys, embraced by many—and poorly understood. It is a state of being, a personality facet, but also coming to be viewed as a deliberate choice. Social anxiety is an increasingly popular self-diagnosis. It is used as an excuse for antisocial behavior, for laziness, for rudeness. Can an otherwise socially adept person also have social anxiety?
Ayup. That's what this is. It's the fear and intimidation inherent in the mere idea of social interaction. And it's rooted in situations like the one above, which lives like a nagging wound that won't heal. What will I do wrong this time? Who will see through my sufficiency and confidence? What short phrase will be quietly spoken, even just to me, that can utterly undermine my poise? And won't it just be easier and safer to remain disengaged, not to harbor that kind of risk?
I meant to pre-post a bunch this weekend, but life (yet again) got in the way. spent the early part of the day assembling (yet another) new exercise bike. It took far longer than I'd expected - in part because I was texting the entire time with my boss. He'd initially contacted me to say that he'd picked up my new work computer and could be bring it over. Imagine, the owner of the firm offering to deliver a computer to a new employee who's fully WFH, on his weekend. Amazing.While he was on his way here, we chatted about a couple of cases we're working on, comparing opinions and ideas. Throwing out legal arguments and a lot of inappropriately juvenile humor. When he arrived, he plopped the computer in my arms and said, "There."
Also finally hung some pictures on the walls, and boiled some eggs, and cleaned. And watched a couple of movies (reviews to come!). And texted with big brother.
This coming week will be very full. COVID booster tomorrow, plus a 5k on the treadmill if I can after the shot. Monday is a new-hair day, and working about 10 hours besides. Tuesday and Wednesday are "normal days"--and then all of a sudden it's Thanksgiving. When did it get to be fall, much less winter? Was I asleep for a couple months?
Oh, right, I was moving and changing jobs. Funny how that makes it possible to blow through time like it's not even there.
There really was frost on my pumpkins today; when I woke this morning it was in the 30s.
There's frost on the pumpkin. Throughout my marriage, that phrase was code for "it's damn cold out." It was not only a statement of fact but also conveyed a value judgment, a sense of humor, shared history, and an expression of care.
My ex's second marriage is longer than our first marriage was. We haven't spoken in 5 years, though we did exchange awkward cards about a year ago. It feels strange, still, that he is not a part of my life. Not to the extent that I could send him that photo. Before, I could do it, you see, with no commentary at all, and he would know right away what it meant.
What do you do with that shared language, when the only one who speaks it cannot talk to you?
Is there something peculiar about me, that I wish we could still be in touch? Not on an everyday level, mind you. Birthday and Christmas cards, maybe. Simple acknowledgement of having known each other.
These questions, and many more, have tumbled through my head over the past few months, as I honed in on a decision that I've pondered for some time. Finally, with the sale of my home looming, I made it real. I am taking my name back. Legally, near the end of December, I will regain my previous identity. "Giving back" my married name is an easy decision even though it took a lot of thought to make it happen. Plus $300 for court filing fees and a criminal background check. (I hope I pass!)
There were plenty of practical reasons for it: no more telemarketing in a language I do not speak; no more "huh, you don't LOOK like your name!"; no more spelling it nearly every time I say it. There were several drawbacks, of course. IRS, state department of revenue, Social Security, health care, real estate, education and licensing, finance... Not to mention explaining the rationale (at whatever level I choose to do so) to all and sundry. There's also the idea that it is, to some extent, a "gift" to my parents, for whom my continued use of my married name was not hurtful but perplexing.
And I'm not that person anymore. Haven't been for a while now. This is another step toward the outside matching the inside.
151. Have you ever lost or thrown away something that had sentimental value attached to it? in the last couple of years I've thrown away a lot of sentimental objects. I can remember the person or the event without needing the thing.
152. What disease scares you the most? that is something I refuse to put my mind to
153. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the past? not "a lot," anymore
154. Do you enjoy the slow, seemingly empty moments in life? definitely! They are often better than the big, fancy intentional memories. An unexpected nap on the couch, for instance, highlighted one of my best days.
155. If you had a serious medical condition and your immediate future depended on it, could you give up junk food and all your bad habits forever? yes
156. Have you ever forgiven someone, but later thought that you shouldn’t have? yep
157. What kind of “perfect relationship” would you want with an ideal hypothetical friend that you don’t actually have? I wouldn't want that. There's too much pressure there, in the idea of something being "perfect." I couldn't just be myself.
158. Have you ever looked back at something traumatic and felt glad it happened, because it helped you grow? yeah, that is how I feel about divorce (among other things)
159. What’s the longest time you had to wait for something? a lifetime
160. What do you think about “eye for an eye”? it is an effective punishment in some circumstances, and can help a victim or victim's family come close to feeling whole again
161. How would your life be different if you hadn’t been friends with your best friend? I wouldn't be half of what I am
162. Have you ever betrayed anyone? yes
163. In which ways are you still the same person you were when you were a kid? easily distracted, questioning everything, obsessive reader, staying up late, lover of bacon and raspberries....
164. Do you think your parents gave preference to you or either of your siblings? yep, each in different ways
165. What was the first song that emotionally moved you? this is impossible to answer, but here's a couple of guesses: Operator by Jim Croce
or Late in the Evening by Paul Simon
166. Do you think people at work know you well? What’s one thing that would make them know you better? there are maybe 5 people who work for my company who know me 'well.' The rest of my colleagues and coworkers are varying levels of acquaintances. How could they know me better? Uhm ... we don't really have that much in common. And I do tend to keep a lot of my life hidden from a lot of people, so they're probably just out of luck.
167. How do you decide on what goals to set for yourself? I don't consider myself a "goal-oriented" person. I will set them if they need setting.
168. How many friends are too many? 17
169. Do you want to improve the world you live in? in the micro sense, sure
170. What’s the toughest decision you ever had to make? leaving v. staying
171. Do you keep in contact with anyone from school? my grade school BFF and I are in touch nearly every day. I'm in contact with a few other friends from grade school. My junior high school crush and I recently connected, and I'm in contact with a few other friends from that era. My longest running FB friend is a high school boyfriend, and I'm in contact with a few other friends from that era (including several from IGA!). And so it is with Michigan, and law school, and the library, and here we are again.
172. What was your least favorite subject in school? for most of my childhood, it was History!
173. Have you seen any of your old teachers recently? yes, I quite regularly see my Third Grade teacher, and she remembered me the first time I ran into her after moving back here. I cannot really look the same as I did when I was 8 years old?!
174. Do you miss school? more than I can express
175. Did you move around much since graduation? uh, yes. I've had ~17 addresses since turning 18.
176. Do you ever think about your school days? not obsessively, like in a "Glory Days" sense
177. Did you ever run away from home? only after I was married. For the last year or so, I would use any excuse I could, to get away for a few hours. I justified it by knowing that he was doing the same. That was a sad time for both of us.
178. How did you change since the old days? Less drinking, more sleeping; fewer Snickers, more carrots; better music, more movies. In general, I'm not such a dumbass.
179. What’s the stupidest excuse you came up with to stay at home instead of going to school? I was never that kid... until college, at which time all Hell broke loose. I righted the ship after my first year, but it took losing my scholarship and bottoming out on a couple of classes (that one Algebra course, and motherfucking Conceptual Physics, ugh) - and being requested to find a new major - to get my head back on straight.
180. Is there anything about school you appreciate now, that you didn’t appreciate before? I didn't appreciate until grad school, just how much I love learning, in all ways. Going to class, taking notes, joining in the discussions, reading assignments, writing assignments, quizzes, tests, major papers—all of it is a privilege and a joy and a reward, and I miss it sometimes desperately.
What I appreciate now, that I didn't get then, though, is the value of the degree itself. Not to me, since my education always has been and probably always will be worth more than the diplomas and the letters after my name. However, those things are undeniably a foot in the door, an automatic level of regard. Considering how much I back-assed my way through school, I'm so damned lucky to have earned the rewards that I've gotten.
[from here and adapted a whole lot; the title quotation is from "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen]
I am terrible with predictions a lot of the time, when I have no personal knowledge of the situation. I certainly wouldn't make any money as a bettor.
32 What material are you most like? (e.g., plastic, porcelain, dirt, cashmere, marble, etc.)
silk—smooth, soft, and superstrong
33 If you did not have to sleep, how would you spend the extra 8 hours?
writing
35 What thing from nature are you (excluding animals)?
some kind of prickly succulent
36 What would you do if I gave you a billion dollars?
gift, spend, travel, and invest
37 If you could do something that you don’t do because it’s bad for you, but you could do it without any repercussions — what would you do?
hurt someone who hurts someone I love
38 Have you ever quit doing something that you used to be really passionate about? Do you regret it? Or are you happy you quit? Either way: Do you think you’ll ever take it up again?
I quit playing clarinet when I graduated from high school. I was not "passionate" about it, but I did love making music. I regret it, but will not take it up again.
I quit playing piano when I moved out of my parents' house, because the piano stayed there. I was passionate about that for a while, but my skill never came close to meeting my love for it. I would rather listen than play.
39 Imagine you could devote a year to researching someone’s biography. Who would your subject be?
Eamon de Valera. Or Wilhelm Canaris. Or...
40 If you had to take a bath in a food, which food would it be?
buttermilk
41 What question do you wish people would ask you?
there is no one question that I wish people in general would ask me. There is a specific question that I'd like to hear from a specific person, but that's beside the point.
42 Of the places you have lived or spent significant time, which one had the most pleasing view out the front door/main window/etc. for you and why?
the second A2 apartment had the most objectively pleasing view, looking out on a wooded courtyard, but I don't recall that being a focal point at any time. We had a scrubby, weird backyard at the house in DeK and there were no windows in that direction anyway, so our only view was toward the neighbors.
My favorite (including this place) was my apartment over SWC, where I lived for seven years after the divorce. It was "right downtown" above a business, and my 2-BR unit was on a corner above the office. It started out fairly quiet but became less so as the business expanded (which is why I eventually decided to move). I had windows on 2 sides, with sunshine streaming in for almost the entire day most of the year. The windows were north- and west-facing, and my bedroom was on the corner. I loved to sit on my bed with all the windows open and watch the sun set in the summertime. It gave the impression of being a larger, more open apartment than it was, and I was extremely happy there for a long time. The landlords were fantastic and the guys downstairs (i.e. employees of the business) were helpful when the tenants needed it. It was "a soft place to land" when I was on my own for the first time in half a lifetime, and the view out those windows was part of what made it mine.
43 Who is your pick for the most underrated character in a movie or TV show?
a few years ago, I was involved with someone on the left coast. One of the many times we battled (verbally), he gave me an all-or-nothing. I was to meet him in Vegas, where he was traveling to visit some friends for a bachelor party. The plan was that I would arrive the day the party ended, and he and I would stay for a few days to sort things out.
I bought the ticket. He booked a room for me at Bellagio.
I changed my mind - for a variety of reasons, not least of which was his response when he found out I was not going. You can think something is true, and then you can know that it is true. I knew.
45 If you're going to win the lottery, would you rather win $10 million, or $100 million?
$100 million. I realize that it would be polarizing, but I'm all right with that. I would give a LOT of it away, either way.
46 If you could live in the setting of any book or movie, without necessarily being involved in the story, which would you choose?
Squeeze Play by Jane Leavy
[from here—it's an ongoing site!—and adapted; the title quotation is from Squeeze Play by Jane Leavy]
On a scale of 1–10, how experienced are you with remote work?
9. That's how I did almost half my grad work and one other job before the current one.
What is the last really good book you read?
Sherry Thomas' Murder on Cold Street, which I had read slowly so it would last longer. It was wonderful.
What is your favorite website?
in terms of what I use the most (lately): eBay
in terms of what I like the most (lately): Shutterfly
Where would you choose to haunt for all of eternity?
I expect to spend eternity in a far more relaxing manner than actively "haunting" - but I wouldn't mind having endless access to a really good library...
Bacon or avocado?
bacon
Have you ever left a 1 star review online?
several, yes
What is the first website you remember visiting?
UM's library
What is the most interesting online article you’ve read lately?
something about the physiological and emotional effects of "choosing not to choose"
Where do you consider “home”?
wherever the trouble is
Would you rather work from the beach or a mountain cabin?
beach
[from here and adapted; the title quotation is by Karl Wiggins, from Wrong Planet]
If that wasn’t your major, what would it have been?
Mass Communications: Photojournalism, which is as close as our school came to having a fine arts photography degree
What most surprised you when you first arrived on campus or first started classes at this school?
so few people seemed to cared about what we were learning. (I developed outward nonchalance eventually, though it destroyed a little bit of my soul to pretend that I didn't love learning.)
If I visited your hometown, what local spots would you suggest I see?
the soft-serve ice cream place, the doughnut place, the pizza place, the lakes, and the rock. And the river.
What is your favorite midnight snack?
cereal, always
What is your best study tip?
for class: copy over your notes, or at least read through them thoroughly, within 24 hours of class. It makes filling in the blanks infinitely easier if you catch them sooner.
for tests: don't cram. You'll shove out at least as much as you shove in.
What is the strangest school habit you had in college?
I kept track of my reading assignments on index cards that I used as bookmarks. A lot of them are still in the books that I've kept since then. To some extent, that's stuck with me in the form of using business cards as bookmarks now.
What movie do you think everyone should watch?
my taste in movies is too weird to make that kind of pronouncement. But I am thinking about how long it's been since I last saw The Royal Tenenbaums, so let's go with that.
What is one thing we would never guess about you?
professional pedicures kind of creep me out (even before COVID)
Name a college class you wish your school had offered.
fine art photography (i.e. photography as art, rather than a subset of journalism)
What current fact about your life would most impress your five-year-old self?
I can buy new books (pretty much) whenever I want
Besides graduating, what was your number one goal for your time at college?
I greatly enjoyed the social diversions of that time period...
Describe the best teacher you have had so far.
besides those of whom I've already written ... I admired my undergrad Inductive Reasoning prof. I think I also had him for Philosophy of Democracy. Maybe Moral Theory, too? and Classical? He was a lawyer with a Ph.D. in Philosophy, personally quiet and pretty rigid, known for being a hard-ass who didn't take any shit in class. I was afraid of him and learned a great deal.
[from here and adapted; the title quotation is by John Waters, from Role Models]
91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience?
this isn't "worst," but it is creepy. Over the several years that I worked at the grocery store, from age 17 to 21, I went out with a number of guys from there. It was always very casual - a night at a bar, someone's house for a Pay-per-View boxing match, a bus ride to a Twins game - and rarely lasted longer than the time it took for me to note it in my journal.
An exception was a guy I will call X. We met not too long after I started at the store. X attracted my attention purely by way of his ardency: he was very interested in me right from the start. He was not exactly my type, but I certainly liked being liked, so I went along with it. (Not a point in my favor, I realize.) I don't remember doing much with X beyond going to the movies or once or twice to his apartment, which was directly across the street from the spire of the Polish Catholic Church on the east side of town.
One afternoon we were at his apartment, looking at pictures. There was one of X with his most recent ex-girlfriend, who was a couple years younger than me. I asked why they'd broken up and he made a noise and said her parents wouldn't let them see each other anymore. I just looked at him until he finished the story. "They said she was too young for me."
"How old are you?" I asked, realizing that I'd had no idea.
"I'm only twenty-seven," X scoffed.
It clicked all at once that it was not me that he liked, but my seventeen-ness. And that I needed to get the Hell out of there right then. I strode across the room to dramatically depart...but couldn't figure out his complex system of deadbolts. It ruined my stunning exit when he had to help me open the damned door.
I have since been involved with someone at that age difference, but as an adult. It was enough of a challenge when both of us were relatively grown up. I can absolutely appreciate why there are rules against it when one of the parties lacks the discernment to protect herself.
93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway?
[roaring with laughter] wore tennis shoes with a skirt, to walk on a break
95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
I need somewhere to begin...
96. How do you approach people?
from the front
97. What is your opinion on first impressions?
sometimes you just know
98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do?
spin for no reason at all, eat butter by the fingerful, hit my head a lot, play Scrabble often, or talk on the phone with friends at least once a day
99. What languages can you speak?
just the one
100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years?
I'm not convinced there will be one. We seem pretty driven to annihilate life on the planet.
101. What do you do on your lazy days?
there are few truly lazy days anymore. I typically catch up on the tasks upon which I've fallen behind, pre-post for the other blog, gather some ideas for this blog, and watch an extra movie or two. Sometimes nap, overdose on meat, read, and futz with the plants. Occasionally go driving.
103. Favorite food?
roast beast
106. What was the last friendship you broke?
the way that's phrased makes it sound like it was doing just great until I walked up with a brick to shatter it. That's hardly the way it went down. As I understand it, the cop's brother-in-law and sister have taken offense to the renewal of my acquaintance with him, and are no longer motivated to share my friendship. After 41 years, it's more than a little bewildering and hurtful—but nowhere near what the cop must feel, given their (apparent) treatment of him. I have no interest in getting in the middle of their family drama (trust me on that one) and hardly need to take sides in this. However, if I had to, it is clear which side I would choose. There is no room in my life for sanctimony.
107. Do you have any pet peeves?
speed traps, movies with cheap endings, "couples day" BS on FB, fatty meat in a restaurant, and "I was kidding" as an excuse for cruelty
108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to?
the cop
109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed?
Monday, the 11th
110. What part of your personality do you want to change?
taking things personally
111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now?
Kylie (my therapist)
113. What did you want to be when you were little?
intriguing
114. What are some things that you are good at?
listening, inventing vacation ideas, helping (trying to, at least)
115. What is one thing you want to be good at?
getting over it
116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work?
wishing I had a nickname, forgetting how to count, and missing my friends.
117. How important is privacy to you?
profoundly. On a 0-10 scale, it's an 11
118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be?
going back to the days of giving flowers
120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties?
I don't like to talk about myself at parties unless the person with whom I am talking knows me really well. In any case, I do not have a "go to."
[from here; the title quotation is by China Miéville, from Perdido Street Station]
237. What escalated very quickly?personal paper products shortages
238. What two things are terrible when separate but great when you put them together?a couple of my coworkers—because once they are together they keep the terrible away from all the rest of us
239. What did you believe in for way too long as a child?fear of mozzarella cheese
241. What still makes you cringe when you think back on it?during junior year of college, I lived in a horrid apartment in a terrible house about two blocks away from our favorite bar. I was 20 years old but looked 17 on a good day, so drinking in bars was a challenge for me. My roommate's dad happened to own that bar, though, so more often than not I got away with hanging out there. One night that I remember (or have been told about enough times that it seems like a memory), I was drinking beer at the bar, and doing root beer barrel shots—root beer Schnapps in a rocks glass with a double-shot of beer dropped in at the last second, and then you shoot the whole thing. It tastes like real root beer going down, if you're drunk enough to start with. At the end of the night, the bartender (Lumpy) set up a bar pitcher. He just dumped a bunch of booze in a beer pitcher and started it at one end of the bar. Each person took a sip—or tossed it back, depending how hammered they were to begin with—and then passed it on to the person next to them who repeated the process. I was at one end of the bar so I started or finished more than one pitcher that night. Plus Lumpy was doing shots off my hands, which always "earned" me a free shot of my own. I probably drank $50 worth of alcohol that night for $10. I distinctly recall going into the grungy bathroom to pee and needing to concentrate hard so I wouldn't drop my keys into the toilet, or fall on my face. When he finally booted us out of the bar at 2:00 or so (only an hour after closing time), I was doing all right. Had my keys in hand and was pointed toward home...until I started to feel that gurgly nonsense that signaled a reversal of digestive fortunes. I leaned over to my right, and vomited in someone's yard. Sorry! A few steps later, it happened again. And again. And again. I probably puked ten times in two blocks. Considering my body weight and the chance that I hadn't eaten anything all day, it's a good thing because I was probably courting alcohol poisoning, but it's still pretty horrible. My hometown is known for stupid, disgusting college kids, and that is prehaps the worst example of me having been one.
242. What current trend makes no sense to you?"COVID parties." That's as stupid as chicken pox parties.
243. If you owned a restaurant, what kind of food would it serve?having worked in a restaurant, I can almost guarantee I would never own one. Even under optimal circumstances they are a terrible investment
246. What do a lot of people have very strong opinions about, even though they know very little? proper lawn care
247. What's your go-to casino game?I only play slot machines that take pennies
248. An epic feast is held in your honor. What's on the table?Mom's roast beast, mashed potatoes, gravy, and homemade buns. Everything else is just side dishes.
250. Who is the most manipulative person you've ever met?pretty sure they would find themselves here, and I have no interest in that drama
251. Who is the most creative person you've ever met?the child of a dear college friend. She always has something cooking, literally or figuratively.
253. What seemingly innocent question makes you think, "It's a trap!"? when my boss says, "just one thing before you go...?"
254. How ambitious are you?on a scale from 1-10, I would put it at a solid 2
255. What do you dislike/like about where you grew up?dislike: the weather is extreme at times, and a local obsession. like: there is some fantastic architecture. I take it for granted because it's been around all my life but most little cities don't have buildings like we do, all over town.
256. What elements of pop culture will be forever tied in your mind to your childhood?MTV was launched during my childhood. That should pretty well explain everything that I [wished I] was about.
[from here; the title quotation is from A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving]
173. What would you do if you knew you were going to die in one day?very quickly dash out the "death letter" that I've been meaning to finish for the last 10 months or so - bringing my fiduciaries up to date on my estate plan; cancel some online orders and auto payments; update some beneficiary designations; make a few calls to tell some people I love that I love them; and spend the rest of the day taking a nap
174. What are some of the events in your life that have made you who you are?an intense scare from a dog when I was small; a series of phone calls with Andrew; "Ophelia", Johnnie Walker Blue, the tequila birthday, a nap on the couch...
178. What would be some of the most annoying things about having yourself as a roommate? water bottles everywhere; socks everywhere; I sometimes fight like an injured, cornered animal; and singing while I do the dishes
180. If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what rule would you make? no lawn mowing before 9:AM
181. What's something that happened or something that someone said that changed how you view the world?my most vain college boyfriend (and wow is that a pick from a whole beauty pageant full of contestants) was a guy named Russ. Tall, blond, sort of Swedish looking, with an open, pleasant smile and shining eyes. He was from out West, having moved to the Midwest for school. The first night that we went out, we walked from his crappy shared house down to the lake. He was quite gentlemanly, helping me across the railroad tracks and actually picking me up when there was a big puddle, rather than just walking around it. (The chivalry would not last.)
Near the lake, we wandered through a playground and onto an elaborate jungle gym. From the top, we could see the whole lake and a good distance beyond. I made some deprecating remarks about the swamp and the smell and how lame this town is. He shushed me, and started pointing out some of the things that make this area special. The lakes. The bluffs. All the trees. The neighborhood parks - which are not something that every little city has. The river. The flowers. The churches. The architecture.
He was right. That conversation stuck with me. Whether or not I wanted to live here (which, at the time, I decidedly did not), it's an objectively beautiful place, and I was not giving it enough credit. I came to miss it very much over time, and eventually came back. I don't think I will ever forget what he said about it.
Of course, I also don't think I will ever forget the other things he said. Like when I told him he was so incredible and good looking and utterly out of my league, to which he answered, "You're right, and this won't last, so why not take advantage while you can?" My grown up self wishes I could go back and dunk my 18-y-o self in a bucket of cold water, and then punch him in the face with his own nuts. He was nowhere near that good looking.
182. If you were put into solitary confinement for six months, what would you do to stay sane? that would be impossible. Couldn't even do it for six hours.
183. If you could have a video of any one event of your life, what event would you choose?I'd like a montage of Mumbler moments. I miss him something fierce.
184. What incredibly strong opinion or belief do you have that is completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things?much that we call "history" or "religion" is actually metaphor
186. If you could convince everyone in the world to do the same thing at one point in time, what would that thing be?do The Wave
188. What do you wish you could tell yourself ten years ago? What do you think you'll want to tell your current self ten years from now?ten years ago: 'run fast, run far.' ten years from now, looking back to today: 'prioritize flexibility over speed & strength'
189. If you were forced to relive one 10-minute block of your life again and again for all eternity, what ten minutes of your life would you choose?that is so easy to choose, and impossible to share. Suffice it to say it is extremely personal but is someone else's secret.
190. Have you ever saved someone's life?so he says
191. What are you addicted to? caffeine
192. What keeps you up at night?faulty exhaust systems on my neighbors' cars
193. What lie do you tell most often?"I don't break the law because I'm a licensed attorney." Virtually every time I sit in the driver's seat of a car, I break a law.
194. What do you regret not doing?picking up a keepsake of the trip south during the summer
195. What gives your life meaning?creation. Taking intriguing photographs, growing fascinating plants, cooking or baking, writing compelling stories. Building something.
196. What are you most insecure about?coming in last
197. What bridges do you regret not burning? this question could get me in so much trouble!! For the purposes of this blog and my current safety, I'll say Ulysses (very early on), and T.O.
199. How do you get in the way of your own success?I have a hot temper, an elaborate vocabulary, and a sharp tongue. These have been no advantage with my last few direct supervisors.
201. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?that I'm still learning, and picking up more all the time
203. What's the one thing you did that you really wish you could go back and undo? there was an opportunity a few years ago to get an MBA, fairly quickly and inexpensively. Had I leapt at that chance my career would have headed in a different direction already. I chose not to go for it because it would have been "inconvenient" - in terms of commuting and working long hours. That temporary practicality should have been more easily overcome.
[from here; the title quotation is by Henry David Thoreau]
fresh sweet corn on the cob, dripping with butter and studded with salt & pepper
29. Who was your craziest/most interesting teacher?
there was a History teacher in high school that I really liked, up until the last day of class when he told a story about when he was an active-duty soldier, involving a squirrel, that horrified me. What he had done, and what he said, was not crazy, but telling a room full of high school students on their last day of school absolutely was.
My most interesting teacher ... well, to be safe I will say there were three of them. My undergrad mentor is a grumpy, imposing, gruff, adorable historian (who also holds a law degree). Most of my deep (i.e. difficult) major classes were with him. He taught me how to think. My favorite law school prof was a judge, deceptively mild-mannered with exquisite manners, almost "cuddly", but when provoked he was f'ing scary. He taught only one class - Evidence - which was amazing. In grad school, my favorite was a high-energy loon. He left not long after I did, for grander pastures and eventually some gigs on The History Channel and the like.
30. What "old person" things do you do?
there is not much I like better than a long evening of movie-watching, popcorn, and debating the merits of the movie (and everything else)
31. What was the last photo you took?
it is a quote from the old journal I am reading, that I copied in from my dear friend Heidi's quote book during the mystical trip to Norman
32. What is the most amazing slow motion video you've seen?
33. Which celebrity do you think is the most down to earth?
ain't no saint without a past; ain't no sinner without a future. In other words, they all have their moments, I am sure.
34. What would be the worst thing to hear as you are going under anesthesia before heart surgery?
"Oops, I wasn't supposed to use the narcotic anesthesia!"
35. What's the spiciest thing you've ever eaten?
wasabi at the Chinese place by the golf course in DeK
36. What's the most expensive thing you've broken?
a marriage?
37. What obstacles would be included in the World's most amazing obstacle course?
crossword puzzles, finding the right lid for the Tupperware while someone is screaming in your ear, logic games, finding the bathroom in an unfamiliar house in the middle of the night with Legos on the floor, Sudoku, tightening screws in eyeglasses, preparing several states' income tax returns on the last night before they are due, baking popovers, down-sloping sidewalk in the winter wearing high heels...
38. What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?
"awesome sauce"
39. What do you think you are much better at than you actually are?
singing, of course
40. Should kidneys be able to be bought and sold?
like, human kidneys? Free market organ transplants? Pricing people who cannot afford to pay market rates out of the possibility of transplants? Prehaps we should do that with all health care. Wealthy people are the only ones who truly deserve health care. Because they deserve to live a long time, right? The elite have earned the right, with all that delicious, cold, hard cash?
41. What's the most creative use of emojis you've ever seen?
the person with whom I text the most is the master of emoji, and in particular emoji-banter
42. When was the last time you got to tell someone "I told you so"?
only ever at work
43. What riddles do you know?
ughhhhh
44. What's your cure for hiccups?
focus on anything other than the hiccups and that will usually do the trick
45. What invention doesn't get a lot of love, but has greatly improved the world?
deodorant
46. What's the most interesting building you've ever seen or been in?
I have spent a relatively large amount of time in Maryland, considering that I have never driven there. Each time there, I stayed at the Hyatt Regency Bethesda, which is directly adjacent to the Bethesda Metro stop. The hotel is lovely - among the nicest I have visited - but it is the stop that came to mind with this question. At 212 feet, it has the second-longest escalator in the system only to the Wheaton stop, which is the longest in the Western hemisphere (read this article for more). I am not exactly claustrophobic (the fear of small spaces) or cleithrophobic (the fear of being trapped, regardless of the space), but that is definitely the furthest below ground I have been, and the mere thought of it is a little creepy. What is interesting about it is that it did not seem to be so creepy when I was there - even the time when the escalators were not working and we had to haul our luggage all the way up 212 feet of enormously steep escalator steps!
47. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed?
jackalope
48. What are your most important rules when going on a date?
mostly the same rules as everyday: take the time to look nice, no false advertising, remember your manners, stop thinking too much, order something that will not try to get away, and express gratitude and happiness when you can
[from here; the title quotation is by Paulo Coelho, from The Alchemist]
This is part 2 of "200 (Not Boring) Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone Better." (And the progression of my one surviving tomato plant...for the time being. The other one drowned in an inch of water - the traitorous bastard!)
51. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? • during high school and college I had a couple of customer service jobs, which really did not suit my inherent personality. However, the one that I liked the least was one of my graduate assistantships. My contract was split among four (?) professors, so there was little opportunity to get much detailed work done, much less to develop a relationship with any of them. The point of being a G.A. is to make a lasting connection while providing a truly useful service--neither of which I could do, in that situation.
52. What originally got you interested in your current field of work? • "interested" is a strong word. I was pulled into this field by my 2-bosses ago manager. She had essentially eavesdropped my resume from the desk of the HR head, and set out to scavenge me. Although on paper it is a 'better' position, it suits me far less, is nowhere near as interesting, and is probably making me physically sick. The one thing it has going for it is that it is less ethically questionable--which is saying a LOT.
53. Have you ever had a side hustle or considered having one? • during my last year of undergrad, I was taking more than a full load of classes and working three jobs. Does that count?
54. What’s your favorite part of the workday? • the END.
55. What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made? • that depends on the definition of 'best'. Most lucrative? Most surprising? Happiest? Most comfortable? I have not had all that many jobs. Looking at it purely in terms of the places: the store, the first school, the restaurant, the business, the second school, the third school, the library, and the current one. There were a couple of true side gigs in there, cash jobs or whatever, that have never made their way onto my resume. Most lucrative? Library. Most surprising? Current. Happiest? Business. Most comfortable? Library.
56. What’s the worst career decision you’ve ever made? • Current. I would not go back in time to trade it, not even for all the gold in Fort Knox or the best job in the world, though.
57. Do you consider yourself good at networking? • this question made me snort aloud. There is a certain segment of the population that would say, "Heck yeah, you're good at it!" And then the other 70% would say I am useless - complete shit.
58. What career advice would you give to your younger self? • a. If you're getting graduate degrees - get the right ones, i.e. those in the jobs you actually want to do. b. Always ask for 20% more than you think the job is worth. c. Bring your own pen.
59. Do you believe in having a "five-year plan"? • quite the opposite, my motto - if I have one - would be closer to "don't get attached to the plan"
60. How do you separate your work life from your home life? • I try, as much as possible, to loathe my job. That's doing the trick for the time being. No, really--I am such an over-thinker that there will always be an inevitable leaking of one to the other. Being salaried probably made it the most "fair," because then I worked until the job was done and any extracurricular thinking was paid time anyway. That is not going to happen in the current gig, which is absolutely fine with me. They can have my time, but not my soul.
61. When will you know you've "made it"? • I am not on an improvement plan, with a map and destinations in mind. I have not even mapped out the retirement situation yet, because it is so fucked up anyway (both financially and emotionally). I am much more a "wing it" than "worry about whether I've made it" person.
62. Are you looking forward to retiring, or do you plan to work as long as possible? • if I could retire today, I would - and be glad of it. I have no great love for working, as such. There are plenty of ways to keep busy besides punching a clock.
63. Have you ever had "imposter syndrome"? • nah
64. What do you think about workaholics? • some of my favorite people are workaholics, though the one that I am thinking of disguises himself very effectively. as a lazy, silly, scatterbrained fuck-up. In reality he is one of the hardest and most perpetual workers I have ever known.
65. What qualities do you look for in a boss? • my ideal boss is a combination of two early ones - the First School and the Business. Flexible, intuitive, trusting, trustworthy, personable, ethical, fun, capable of doing the job themselves (i.e. a Leader, not just a Boss), demanding but fair.
66. Do you have a professional mentor? If not, do you want one? • I have different ones for different purposes, and nothing formal
67. Do you have a work best friend? • yes.
68. Are you into after-work happy hours? • not as such. Back in the good old days when these things were possible, I adored our pre-game tradition.
69. How do you motivate yourself in your career? • money. I like to eat, hence the job. I own a house, therefore I work. Someday I would prefer to get past that, to be motivated by something internal again.
70. What's the best career advice you've ever heard? • last day of 9th grade, one of my teachers wrote in my yearbook: "Remember History." I never had the chance to ask how exactly he meant that - the class that he taught? the subject in general? the topic? or the idea? - but it stuck with me. It eventually turned into a college major, and then a decade's worth of very intensive study. Since then, it has broadened into a more general philosophy for life. Enter the George Santayana quote from The Life of Reason: The Phases of Human Progress: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Remember history. Learn from it.
71. What's the worst career advice you've ever received? • ironically, someone once told me that I should go on to get a graduate degree in History, and for some dumbass reason I believed them and decided it was a great plan
72. When you started your current job, what most surprised you? • how much goddamned MATH there was. I told them that I cannot do math, and apparently they thought I was kidding. Was not kidding.
73. How do you pick yourself back up after making a mistake at work? • depends on the mistake. Some of them roll off; everybody has a bonehead move now and then, right? Some of them leave a mark, and some of the marks are permanent.
74. How do you deal with work stress? • not very well, lately. I am sore, tired, anxious, quick to take offense, worried, extra prone to headaches, not sleeping well.... Short term, I need some time away, a back rub, and some help with a couple of projects. Long term, I need a different job. Period.
75. What energizes you about your career? • theoretically, I am energized when I am doing good work (quality) that has good results (positivity), and being paid fairly for my time - and am left alone to get the job done with a minimum of intrusions
76. What's one work-related thing you want to accomplish in the next year? • find. a. new. job.
77. Who has had the biggest impact on your career choice? • I read that question and laughed out loud. Most of the important people in my life have had little to do with my career trajectory. This is probably due as much to my seemingly random approach to job-searching (see "wing it," above) as to my stubborn unwillingness to ask for or accept help.
78. What does your family think of your career? • again, laughing. I have been a licensed attorney for 21 years, and working in estate planning and settlement for a little more than three - but no one in my family (or elsewhere) has felt compelled to name me as a fiduciary in their estate plan. I would not welcome the role, so it does not make me sad in the least. But I do find it funny, and indicative of my family's inability to see me as ... who and what I am, in this sense.
79. What's the best thing you've learned in your current position? • the best thing I learned in this position has zero to do with the job
80. If you could do it all over again, would you pursue the same career? Why or why not? • yes, because working for this company changed my life in ways that I would not trade for anything
81. How much time do you spend with your family? • I have not spent more than 10 minutes with any family member in the last three months. I see my parents usually once a week for a few moments at a time. My brother has been by the house (to take care of outside projects for me) a couple of times.
82. Who do you most like spending time with and why? • in my family? They each have their moments.
83. Were you close with your family growing up? • yes
84. How do you define your family now? • I try not to spend much time 'defining' anymore. It is one of those old habits that seems to be more trouble than help.
85. What traits are most important to you in your family members? • My mom is a really good problem solver. She would have made a great project manager. She is a phenomenal cook, though she does not like to do it as much as she did when we were all living at home. • My dad can fix pretty much anything, and he is also really good at showing and explaining how someone else can work through fixing things, too. He can be startlingly intuitive, so secrets have a vexing way of burbling to the surface in conversation with him. • My brother, the man of few words, has become a uniquely good friend. We have a specific sort of relationship, where we do only a few specific things, but we have also made room for a close, dear bond. Our text messages are a thing of beauty.
86. Who are you the closest to and why? • is this the same as #82? Well, to broaden it - outside my family, there is a very small group of people with whom I share much of anything. A couple of elementary school friends. Two from high school. A few from college. Some from the library. And probably mostly, one from the current place. For many reasons, and for no good reason at all.
87. Do you want a family of your own? • I already have one. (How insulting is this question?!)
88. What’s your favorite family tradition? • at the moment, I am still thinking about those text messages with my brother, and in particular the ones on our birthdays. Classic.
89. If you could change your relationship with a family member, would you? If so, with whom? • there are family members with whom a relationship ought to be different, yes
90. What was it like growing up as the youngest/oldest/only child? • an unanswerable question. How would I know anything different? Birth order is all over the relationship that we all have with each other, and I do not think I would change that.
91. Does your family take vacations together? • God no
92. What’s your favorite family memory? • one favorite family memory? This is totally ridiculous: not too long before my wedding, I went out to my parents' house, along with one of my dear friends at the time. He happened to be one of the people who was going to sing in the wedding. No clue why we were out there, and I think it was the only time he was there. My mom was there, but Dad was away. The three of us were talking and telling stories, and got kind of silly. It devolved quickly and before long we were laughing so hard we could barely speak. Then the phone rang (my parents' landline). There must have been some reason to think it was important, or she would not have bothered, but my mom picked up the phone to answer. However, before she could do so, she realized she was still laughing too hard - so she handed the phone to me. I managed to maintain long enough to say Hello, and to listen politely for the first moment or two, but then I lost it again. I distinctly recall that it was a male salesman from Sears, cold-calling to sell something. I also remember that I could not stop laughing long enough to respond to him, and it was excruciatingly awkward and hilarious. My friend caught on, though, and pulled the phone out of my hand. He affected a higher voice and blurted, "We're not interested" before hanging up on the poor guy. That sent us all into another bout of hysterics. I do not think that I have ever laughed that hard in my life. It was glorious.
93. What TV family most reminds you of your own? • no family like my family
94. Do you ever wish you were raised differently? • sure, is that not the same for everyone? I had no curfew and relatively few rules, but I also had to go without some things that I believed to be absolute necessities. And suffered through the indignity of hand-me-down everything!
95. What’s the best piece of advice a family member has given you? • my maternal grandmother died when I was in high school. She had 6 kids and each of them had at least 3 children of their own, so the family was huge and our gatherings were chaotic. There was not much time for a heart-to-heart with grandma. After she died, I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. Among the choices was college, which had not been done by my family before. It was, however, all that I truly wanted to do. I felt very conflicted about going for it; I was afraid of it financially, socially, and practically. Would I even be part of my family anymore, if I did something so selfish and strange? The night before the final deadline for...something, I do not recall exactly what, but some "do it or give up" moment, I had a dream. Among other things, my grandma and I had a (brief) conversation, during which she told me to go for it. Much of the detail is lost, but I know that she said, "Listen to your heart." Totally not a Grandma thing to say, but, you get what you get, right? And so I did, and thus began my adventures in postsecondary education.
96. Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why? • nah, what I have is quite enough
97. Did you ever hide anything from or lie to your parents? • yup
98. If you had a family business, what would it be? • funky little alt-Christmas trees
99. Do you and your family have any nicknames for each other? • not so much now that we are old. My brother still calls my mom something that the rest of us do not. I think that is the only one?
100. What's your favorite way to spend time with your family? • eating warm bread with butter, and watching old movies or playing board games
[from here; the title quotation is by Ray Bradbury, from Dandelion Wine]
