6.08.2021

she says when she feels like crying, she starts laughing - thinking about...

151. Have you ever lost or thrown away something that had sentimental value attached to it?  in the last couple of years I've thrown away a lot of sentimental objects. I can remember the person or the event without needing the thing.
152. What disease scares you the most?  that is something I refuse to put my mind to
153. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the past?  not "a lot," anymore
154. Do you enjoy the slow, seemingly empty moments in life?  definitely! They are often better than the big, fancy intentional memories. An unexpected nap on the couch, for instance, highlighted one of my best days.
155. If you had a serious medical condition and your immediate future depended on it, could you give up junk food and all your bad habits forever?  yes
156. Have you ever forgiven someone, but later thought that you shouldn’t have?  yep
157. What kind of “perfect relationship” would you want with an ideal hypothetical friend that you don’t actually have?  I wouldn't want that. There's too much pressure there, in the idea of something being "perfect." I couldn't just be myself.
158. Have you ever looked back at something traumatic and felt glad it happened, because it helped you grow?  yeah, that is how I feel about divorce (among other things)
159. What’s the longest time you had to wait for something?  a lifetime
160. What do you think about “eye for an eye”?  it is an effective punishment in some circumstances, and can help a victim or victim's family come close to feeling whole again
161. How would your life be different if you hadn’t been friends with your best friend?  I wouldn't be half of what I am
162. Have you ever betrayed anyone?  yes
163. In which ways are you still the same person you were when you were a kid?  easily distracted, questioning everything, obsessive reader, staying up late, lover of bacon and raspberries....
164. Do you think your parents gave preference to you or either of your siblings?  yep, each in different ways
165. What was the first song that emotionally moved you?  this is impossible to answer, but here's a couple of guesses: Operator by Jim Croce
or Late in the Evening by Paul Simon
166. Do you think people at work know you well? What’s one thing that would make them know you better?  there are maybe 5 people who work for my company who know me 'well.' The rest of my colleagues and coworkers are varying levels of acquaintances. How could they know me better? Uhm ... we don't really have that much in common. And I do tend to keep a lot of my life hidden from a lot of people, so they're probably just out of luck.
167. How do you decide on what goals to set for yourself?  I don't consider myself a "goal-oriented" person. I will set them if they need setting.
168. How many friends are too many? 17
169. Do you want to improve the world you live in?  in the micro sense, sure
170. What’s the toughest decision you ever had to make?  leaving v. staying
171. Do you keep in contact with anyone from school? my grade school BFF and I are in touch nearly every day. I'm in contact with a few other friends from grade school. My junior high school crush and I recently connected, and I'm in contact with a few other friends from that era. My longest running FB friend is a high school boyfriend, and I'm in contact with a few other friends from that era (including several from IGA!). And so it is with Michigan, and law school, and the library, and here we are again.
172. What was your least favorite subject in school?  for most of my childhood, it was History!
173. Have you seen any of your old teachers recently? yes, I quite regularly see my Third Grade teacher, and she remembered me the first time I ran into her after moving back here. I cannot really look the same as I did when I was 8 years old?!
174. Do you miss school?  more than I can express
175. Did you move around much since graduation?  uh, yes. I've had ~17 addresses since turning 18.
176. Do you ever think about your school days?  not obsessively, like in a "Glory Days" sense
177. Did you ever run away from home?  only after I was married. For the last year or so, I would use any excuse I could, to get away for a few hours. I justified it by knowing that he was doing the same. That was a sad time for both of us.
178. How did you change since the old days?  Less drinking, more sleeping; fewer Snickers, more carrots; better music, more movies. In general, I'm not such a dumbass.
179. What’s the stupidest excuse you came up with to stay at home instead of going to school?  I was never that kid... until college, at which time all Hell broke loose. I righted the ship after my first year, but it took losing my scholarship and bottoming out on a couple of classes (that one Algebra course, and motherfucking Conceptual Physics, ugh) - and being requested to find a new major - to get my head back on straight.
180. Is there anything about school you appreciate now, that you didn’t appreciate before?  I didn't appreciate until grad school, just how much I love learning, in all ways. Going to class, taking notes, joining in the discussions, reading assignments, writing assignments, quizzes, tests, major papers—all of it is a privilege and a joy and a reward, and I miss it sometimes desperately. 
    What I appreciate now, that I didn't get then, though, is the value of the degree itself. Not to me, since my education always has been and probably always will be worth more than the diplomas and the letters after my name. However, those things are undeniably a foot in the door, an automatic level of regard. Considering how much I back-assed my way through school, I'm so damned lucky to have earned the rewards that I've gotten. 

[from here and adapted a whole lot; the title quotation is from "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen]

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