every move you make opens a whole new world of possibilities

1. What board game could you play endlessly without getting bored? 

My own set is nowhere near this nice!

    Tripoley or Scrabble. Tripoley is best when played using the insane, bastardized version created by my dad's side of the family. It is loud, sometimes slightly violent, cutthroat, mercenary, and hilarious. And very, very fun.

    Scrabble, I love, but there aren't too many people who will consent to play with me. Not that I'm so brilliant at it—the last few times I played, I lost, and not by a little bit—but the perception is that I'm going to clean the floor with you. Kind of like Trivial Pursuit, where the assumption is that I'll know every single History answer before the question is even completed. That's totally not accurate; most TP History questions are about something other than World War II neutrality, after all. I'm much better at Sports and, surprisingly, Science.

 

2. Which game has caused the biggest family argument? 

    Monopoly, I'd guess. That game is fraught.

    If we move beyond board games, then it's got to be air hockey. The incident mentioned here still rings in my mind when considering the mild-mannered-ness of my opponent in that game.

 

3. Did you ever make up your own games as a kid? 

    no, as a youngest child I cannot imagine that would have been entertained as an option 

 

4. What’s the weirdest or rarest game you own? 

    a version of Monopoly based on my hometown. It's as bizarre as it sounds. 

 

5. If your life were a board game, what would it be called? 

     Warm Places. The point would be finding a safe space to land. Players build sanctuaries (and Christmas trees) rather than empires. Cats and friends feel free to sprawl, breathe easier, and be themselves. 

6. Do you prefer strategy games or luck-based ones? 

    strategy 

 

7. Who in your life cheats (or “bends the rules”) the most?

    I seem to recall never losing to my brother, when we played games as children. Surely that's coincidence, right?

[ChatGPT blog meme questions, a set called '🎲 The Board Game & Playtime Meme'; the title quotation is by Matt Haig, from The Midnight Library]

but did ol' e listen? No: little n, little o

Which meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? 

    breakfast, by far. I don't eat a big breakfast very often. Even at weekly breakfasts with parents & sibling, I usually get something pretty small and usually bring home part of it anyway. If I could eat anything I wanted, as much as I wanted...the plate shown here is pretty close to perfect. French toast, some fruit, eggs scrambled hard, potatoes (though I prefer the "American fries" sort to tater tots, I'll take either), and what looks like both ham and bacon. Count me in!

 

What do you do when you want to chill out after a long day? 

    read, watch movies, cook, futz with my plants

 

How would you spend your ideal weekend?

    this one (as I write) is pretty danged close. I was done with work at 3:00 on Friday. Mostly relaxed the rest of the day, checking only a couple of things off the list before heading to bed early. Up a bit before the regular time, to be picked up by the sibling for breakfast. Home by 9:AM and relaxed a while before jaunting an hour toward the windy part of the state to water plants and check the house of a snowbird friend. Back by noon and set to spend the rest of the weekend indoors and relaxed! Currently doing laundry (which is a pretty low-key chore) and thinking about a nap before long. Movie and homemade pizza tonight. Reading and French onion soup tomorrow. Mmm

 

Do you listen to podcasts, or mostly just music?

    mostly music. I follow a couple of podcasters on visual media (IG or YT) because the visual format allows for nuances in facial expression and gestures that audio-only leaves out. I also have 2-3 audiobooks checked out at all times, nice for when I'm doing the dishes or some other activity that cuts out the option of watching a movie or hard-copy reading.

 

What’s your favorite podcast? 

    besides those I've mentioned lately, I like Jamie Laing's Great Company. I first saw Laing on 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (2012- ), being made mincemeat by Jimmy Carr. I went into the podcast thinking that it would be more of the same, but Laing turns out to be a thoughtful, sensitive, insightful guy who comes off as genuinely interested in his guests, who are fascinating in their own right. The first episode I watched was with Rizzle Kicks, and I was hooked.

Do you prefer to go to the movies or watch movies at home? 

    home. I am all about supporting artists who create good film but not the huge theater conglomerates that exploit both filmmakers and moviegoers.

 

What was your favorite TV show growing up? 

    besides those I've mentioned before... Moonlighting (1985-1989). It was my introduction to the sort of sassy, sexy, smart talk that has been my fantasy ever since.

What’s your favorite TV show now? 

    Cross (2024- ), which I'm trying to watch on a sort of weekly-ish basis rather than an exhaustive binge with a much longer wait 'til season two. I'm a major fan of the man who is Alex Cross: Aldis Hodge. I found him through Leverage (2008-2012), Leverage Redemption (2021-2023), Hidden Figures (2016; reviewed here), One Night in Miami (2020; reviewed here)... and I've long followed him on FB and IG. After making a comment on one of his FB posts—he responded! We had an every-few-days conversation for a couple of months, talking about my little life (my words) and his big one. He told me about his interest in horology, and some about his family. We compared favorite movies and directors. Cross was just about to debut, and when it opened to major fanfare, the conversation understandably tapered off. I'm still charmed by him, though, and will always support his work. 

    note: after I wrote the above, it was announced that Cross has been nominated for seven 2025 NAACP Image Awards. Yay!

 

How would you spend your birthday if money was no object? 

    a very remote spa, the sort of place that is deliberately quiet and packed to the gills with relaxation options. Massages, mud baths, soothing meals on a private patio or other beautiful setting. I don't need wild parties, elaborate or expensive gifts, or even a whole bunch of people stopping by to eat cake and give hugs. I'd vastly prefer a good book or three, and a lot of quiet time to spend reading—or taking blissful naps and not even pretending to feel guilty about it!

What’s your favorite season? What do you love most about it? 

    autumn. What I love most is the relief from summer and the respite before winter. In a different part of the country or world, where those seasons are not so extreme, I might focus more on the sights and sounds and smells of it, in its own right. Here, though, it's all about the moderation. 

Do you prefer camping or going to the beach? 

    beach, by far. I'm not anti-nature (see, e.g., the way I spend a couple of hours every single day when the weather is nice), just anti-sleeping on the ground, serving as a sitting target for biting critters, and never quite being dry/cool/warm/comfortable enough.

    The beach is a more temporary experience and so the little discomforts can be brushed off more easily—and the big benefits enjoyed all the more fully. 

 

Which phone app do you think you use the most? 

    besides the obvious: Libby. (See the podcast question, above.) Since my doctor "forbade me" to read print books (because the position is precisely wrong for my D.D.D.) and I started consuming audiobooks, I've never not had at least one, and up to four, checked out at all times.

 

Would you prefer to cook, order delivery, or go out to eat? 

    on the average day, I'd rather cook. Occasionally going out to eat is a nice alternative to shake things up. I very, very rarely order delivery. Haven't ordered anything since I've been in this home, in fact.  

    Lately I've been into creating slow-cooker meals. Generally on a base of chicken breast or beef roast, I add various other ingredients to make a meal of ~4 servings. I then divide it in (glass) freezer containers and add it to the rotation. It's awfully nice to pull out a serving of ranch chicken (along with frozen cooked rice) or beef and potatoes, rather than starting a meal from scratch after work. I eat less processed food, more protein, better side dishes (because my daily effort isn't wasted on the main dish), and save some money in the process. Oh, and the scent of slow-cooking food is ridiculously good. 

    Shown here is the successful trial-and-error goulash (a.k.a. American chop suey, Beef noodles, etc.) that I made. I don't make enough to freeze, though, because I've found that frozen pasta is pretty damned bad. One serving to eat and one in the fridge for later, though? Awesome comfort food!

 

How do you drink your coffee? 

    rarely! And as milky and chocolatey as possible. In other words, more of a hot chocolate (or iced chocolate milk) with a splash of coffee.

 

[from here; the title quotation is from Moonlighting, and appears in fuller form below]

I remember when they told Sylvia Plath, "Hey, Syl, cheer up!" I remember when they told e.e. cummings, "e, baby; use caps!" But did ol' e listen? No. Little n. Little o.

I wore black because I liked it; I still do, and wearing it still means something to me

Some things I’ve let go of, as I’ve grown older: 

    a LOT of clothes that don't quite fit now but may be just right 'someday'; shopping for boredom-relief or dopamine surge or company; pea pods (I want to like them but I. just. don't.); pretending to believe that mean-spirited "jokes" are funny; "saving" cards and letters (except a few particularly special ones); sending a lot of Christmas cards well before Christmas (it's more like, responding to the ones I've received and sending or giving a handful of others)

 

Things I’m most likely to lie about: 

    • being "fine"

    • whether I currently have a migraine

    • that I'm not afraid

 

What’s something I wish I had more time to learn: 

    how to use a different blog-hosting site. No offense to the one I've been using for 21 years, but there are soooooo many limits here, and of course there's the offensively ubiquitous company that owns the platform, and the 'upgrades' that are actually institutionalized bugs (I'm looking at you, photo placement).... I've tried to teach myself to use a different one; the learning curve was prohibitive, especially after having ingrained dumb habits from this one. Maybe when I retire?

 

If I could only wear only three colors, I’d pick these: 

    • blue

    • white

    • black

    Oh, wait—you mean I haven't been limited this way all along??

    Note: I was going to illustrate this with an image of a female dressing in the style of Johnny Cash. Instead, the first photo I found was of Johnny Cash, cuddling a kitten (who looks like she's squawking!). That's monumentally cuter and more fascinating than any other picture on the planet.

    Anyway, you get the idea.

 

Favorite books, music, TV, movies, and anything else notable this month: 

    Reading: The Battle for Spain (Antony Beever), an extremely long history of the Spanish Civil War; Nathan Coulter (Wendell Berry), the first in the 'Port William' series of quiet novels; Love is a Mix Tape (Rob Sheffield), a re-read of Sheffield's biography during the time surrounding his (first) marriage

    Music: I haven't been in a music mode, so whatever's on or rolls up in Apple Music is fine

    Movies: Absence of Malice, The Big Blue, Four Faces West, The Keys of the Kingdom (all rated 9)

    other: I've been into homemade pizza and crock-pot meals; the struggle to find a really good peanut butter cookie recipe; jigsaw puzzles when circumstances allow; and winter "nesting" e.g. cleaning, organizing the condo, purging unneeded stuff from the house (see Letting Go, above)

 

Social media trends that puzzle me:

    IG accounts that are populated with pictures or video of the smirking host pointing at something else, maybe at a split-screen of someone else's post, or a quote, or even just bizarrely manicured hands accomplishing some task that would not require such fancy hands or merit a video anyway. Whomever came up with "unboxing" ought to be subjected to cardboard cuts that will never heal. 

    The phrase "today years old." The Atlantic published an article ("The Case for Brain Rot") about the mind-numbing and "irresistible" internet vernacular that's destroying the world. That last bit may be my interpretation. It is an instructive and disturbing article about a distressing and alienating trend. People think that as we age, we become less savvy, and it's often perceived to be caused by declining ability: tech becomes impossible to understand, finances are overly complex, don't-get-me-started-about medical insurance and healthcare. Prehaps that occurs more by design, with the [naturally younger] creators and administrators of such institutions intentionally obfuscating in an effort to retain their territory. If I make this new social media outlet bewildering to the oldsters, then I am young!

    Finally, "collabs". Why would I care to see an "influencer" using a particular toilet bowl cleaner? Why would anyone want to know which meal-in-a-box is consumed by a sports figure? Why are fancy, expensive socks being shilled by an analyst of music?

 

Local phrases and terms I use often: hotdish; The Cities; "Yeah, no" or "Naaah, yeah"

[from here, Stolen from League of Extraordinary Penpals; the title quotation is from Johnny Cash, and reads more fully as below]

I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It's still my symbol of rebellion—against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas.

now, on this road trip, my mind seemed to uncrinkle, to breathe, to present to itself a cure for a disease it had not, until now, known it had

9. Places to see in your town 

    the best things, from my perspective, are the natural features (water and hills) and the historic buildings. There are plenty of better-known and more celebrated things going on, but I like the quiet ones. 

10. Road trip must-haves 

    something to drink, something to eat (both a salty and a sweet, if possible), and a phone charger. Everything else is negotiable.

11. Guilty Simple Pleasures 

    • a hot shower

    • sunshine on kitty fur

    • talking jigsaw puzzles with my dad, who loves them at least as much as I do

    • photographs of snow coming down, under a street light

    • comparing Wordle and Letter Boxed results with my mom, who is ten times better at word games than I am

    • hand massage, which feels transformational when it's done well

    • the ride home from (parental) breakfast every Saturday with my brother, who is funny and insightful and soothingly quiet

12. Things I'd rather be doing right now 

    sleeping, reading, cuddling a kitty, watching a movie, vacuuming (eh, you'd have to see it), walking, working a jigsaw puzzle

13. Books I'd like to read this year 

    Some of my current "wishlist" entries, which serves as my to-read list:

• Quiet Power by Susan Cain

• Jill Ciment's Consent

• The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

• Jan Jarboe Russell's The Train to Crystal City

• Every Tom, Dick & Harry by Elinor Lipman

• William Least Heat-Moon's Blue Highways

• The Polar Bear Expedition by James Carl Nelson

14. Lessons learned 

     today? That the day or so before an "extreme weather event" involves some of that event, so it's best to (for instance) dress warmly before going outside.

    That there is no limit to my affection for one certain guy.

    That Amazon has a "this was a particularly good delivery" option, too, and not just the complaining response.

    That it's possible to get a lot of work done even when one feels bored to death.

    That a tiny can of Coke can work wonders against an oncoming headache.

15. Vacations to take 

      I'm working on a list of day trips I'd like to take when the weather warms. As for some time, I'd like to go to Maine to visit a friend from my library days. It would be cool to visit the upper part of this state, which I've never explored, and maybe to spend some time with friends from high school and college who live up in that direction. I'd also like to visit the next states west, skipped over in my travels thus far.

Extra question: Olympic events I like to watch or follow 

    Summer: Table Tennis, Badminton, Rowing, maybe Tennis

    Winter: Bobsled, Luge, Curling, Speed Skating, maybe Hockey

[from here; the title quotation is Elizabeth Berg, from The Year of Pleasures]

the most sophisticated people I know - inside they are all children

1. Have you ever sneaked a peek at someone else's journal?

      I have not. I love to know as much as I can about someone, but never at the cost of their trust. That disrespect and deceit is incompatible with my essential personality.

2. Share the last picture you took that wasn't a selfie: 

     it's a maroon iris, taken during a walk on Sunday

3. When was the last time you polished your shoes? 

     I used to have a pair of dark cream-colored

the shoes

leather strappy sandals. They were beautiful, and intensely uncomfortable. The straps were oddly tight but not consistently, so it was hard to know how to shift to relieve pressure. The heels were tiny—kitten heels—with extra small bases, so walking on even perfectly flat surfaces was treacherous. They coordinated nicely with several outfits, so I kept them MUCH longer than I should have. Thus, I needed to clean them pretty often. The soles were suede, the straps smooth leather. That meant two different treatments to keep them looking fine. When I'd finally been pushed beyond procrastination, I would put out a layer of newspaper, pull out a roll of paper towels, rubber gloves, and a brush (dedicated to this purpose), and get to it. A half hour later I would have two clean shoes, half a bag of garbage, and a strange ache in my neck and back. 

    I donated those shoes to a clothing drive at the financial institution, shortly before I left. Glad to be rid of them - and through with the shoe-cleaning business! Though this subject reminds me that I really need to find a leather restorer, to clean and fix a (gorgeous and much-loved) purse.

4. You can only have one type of flooring in your home: what will you choose?

    stone (er whatever) with in-floor heat. I've discovered that I'm not suited to hardwood. Not a huge fan of most vinyl, either. I'm old-fashioned in a lot of aspects of my homeownership, which means I still like carpet: it's warm, soft, and easy to clean. Still, there's little I like better than consistently warm feet in the winter. It's a real treat.

5. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you like pumpkin pie? 

     three. I will eat it when it's the only option or when someone is really pushing it (hi, Mom), but there are a dozen other pies I would pick ahead of it. Pretty much any fruit, for instance. 

6. Where were you and what were you doing the last time you felt nervous walking into a building?

     interesting question! I've given it a lot of thought, and finally settled. It was the O-town branch of my healthcare system, a few years ago, when I was called back in after my mammogram showed some suspicious areas. There's a history of breast cancer in my family, and at roughly the same age that I was when I was asked to return for a re-check. 

    I was, and remain, lucky: upon the second check (which involved probably 150% more images than the first round), the suspicious areas were verified not dangerous. It's hard to believe, when cancer has invaded your genetics, that you will truly be safe from it. I try, though. Worrying changes nothing except to steal life from today.

7. If your hands were tied behind your back, could you get your socks on?

      this one made me laugh out loud. Honestly, why would I need to put on socks, specifically, with my hands tied beyond my back? But anyway—yeah. I have one pair of socks that is terribly loose. If they were unrolled, I could probably snag one between my first and second toes, wiggle it enough to get my other foot inside, and then pull it up using friction from the other foot. Of course, the second sock is always a bitch, right? But because they are so loose, I could probably wedge my foot in as far as it could go on its own, and then find something in the house that would friction it up for me. 

    Well, maybe. I should probably keep this in mind and always, always wear socks from now on.

8. What was the last thing you changed the batteries in?

      my safes. They have combination locks, and the batteries need to be changed regularly (once a year).

9. Who's the most sophisticated person you know? 

     funny, I was just thinking about this earlier today. DG is by far the most sophisticated person I've known, which is notable because he's down to earth and casual, too. Maybe that's what sophistication is, in my mind: the ability to orient oneself to pretty much any occasion.

10. If you had to hide a life-size cardboard cutout of The Rock in your home, where would you put it? 

     oooh, fun! I would put it in my exercise room, for sure. That would be freaking awesome!!

[from 3000 Unique Questions about Me; the title quotation is from Jim Henson]

life it ain't real funky Unless it's got that pop Dig it

What’s the coolest item you’ve found at a garage sale, flea market, etc?  there is a chair in my living room that came from a FB local-sale site. It cost $50, was practically brand-new, and suits me perfectly. I got lucky with this one.

Describe how your day went yesterday: got up very early for a Saturday. Did 2 weeks' worth of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and made oatmeal raisin cookies (from scratch). Pecked away at the 13 (oh lord) books of poetry I've checked out from the library which are due stupidly soon. Cleaned the bathroom. Tidied up my office. Watered the plants and trimmed some dead bits. Cleaned an area in the basement that is kicking my ass and resisting all attempts to be truly organized. Texted with the cop. Showered. Watched a movie. Had a 6-hour conversation that seemed far too short. Slept 6 or so hours. And voila.

Do you have issues with people entering your personal space? What do you do when your personal space is violated?  my boundaries are vast and rigid, and I'm pretty uncomfortable about having them breached. I am not shy about physically removing myself from people who are unaware or unwilling to respect my space. 

    As with many people who are so firm about boundaries, though, I am probably excessive in welcoming certain others into my bubble. Sitting at Fluffy's feet with my head on her knee, sneak-hugging D (or being pinched, patted, or tweaked by him as he walks by), leaning on the shoulder of the college bff (or her hubby, or her kid), or simply climbing up and onto the cop for a hug—all of these are not only "acceptable" but very regular activities for me.

What is the one meal recipe you think you’ve mastered?  Puerto Rican chicken with olives

If you could take back something you did to someone, what would it be?  I was unfair to many.

What sort of kid were you in school: bookworm, smart kid, troublemaker, quiet … etc.?  I was a quiet bookworm, not quite "smart kid" but pretty close (graduated top 18%), band nerd, borderline "punk" at times—kind of pre-alternative, I guess?

When’s the last time you ran a mile? How often do you exercise?  I haven't run a mile since high school, if that. My physique is 'not given to running.' I exercise 5x per week, roughly 50 minutes at a shot. I am VERY excited to share that this coming Friday (if FedEx tracking can be believed), I will be the proud owner of a NordicTrack Classic Pro Skier. My home gym is getting raised a few notches! Having two machines (treadmill and this new one) will boost my workouts, and I am hoping that it will kick my renewed weight-loss and fitness plan into a higher gear.

What would you say to your 16-year-old self?  "You look, and are, so much better than you realize. Make the most of it, take loads of pictures of yourself and with your friends, and have fun!" I thought I was too skinny, too loud, too fat, too quiet, too weird-looking, too awkward, not right in all sorts of ways. I took lots of photographs but have almost none of myself.

What are you avoiding?  applying for jobs. Neverending!

Swear words: Are you pro or con? Why?  I curse liberally and fluently, but often wish that I did not. It is hardly a sign of intelligence or consideration. One of my good friends swears a great deal more than I do, though, so if anything I'm getting worse.

Paper or plastic? Do you prefer to pack your own groceries?  paper, generally—though I have actually gone to the grocery store (as opposed to ordering delivery) only once in the last four months or so

Do you have a shoe fetish? How often do you buy new shoes? Do you ever get rid of a pair of shoes?  I do not have a shoe fetish, though I love them dearly and like to acquire them more often than most people. I just like variety. I buy them as my budget allows, which is not terribly often given my expensive taste. My last acquisitions were three pairs of heels for the summer trips. I do get rid of shoes now and then, when they no longer suit my needs, when I need the space for new ones, or (sadly) when they are irreparably damaged.

Classical: If you were an Olympian god, what would you be known for?  my fascinating and unexpected combination of patience and drama (shrug)

Byzantine: Do you prefer gold or silver accessories?  sterling silver or white gold, not very much yellow

Medieval: Are you religious?  good lord, no

Gothic: What is your favourite historic building?  this town is full of 'em. At the moment, the one that comes to mind is this church, which happens to be where I was married once. Constructed from 1880-1882, it is a Romanesque Revival building designed by William H. Willcox.

Renaissance: Have you ever had a time in your life when you felt enlightened or changed?  in an artistic sense, my first visit to the Art Institute of Chicago blew my mind and kicked my ass. It felt like I'd never seen art before. I was humbled, thrilled, excited, and desperate to make my mark.

Baroque: Do you enjoy the finer things in life?  Hell, yeah. I like genuine jewelry, even if that means it has to be smaller and less. I prefer fresh mozzarella to the cardboard-tasting shredded stuff. I cannot stand cheap ink pens.

Rococo: Is your bedroom full of trinkets and pictures? If so, which pictures adorn your walls?  my bedroom is now "the water room"—all of the art in there is photographs of various bodies of water. Most were taken by me or people I know personally, with a couple of expensive exceptions. 

    Those water pictures save my soul.

Neoclassicism: If something came back into fashion, what do you hope it would be?  love letters

Romanticism: Do you often see things in a positive light?  more now than ever before. I am both more forgiving and more realistic: people are flawed and make mistakes.

Pre-Raphaelite: Which book would you like to see turned into a film?  The Girl She Used to Be/The Exceptions by David Cristofano

Impressionism: Do you look for details or take everything in at once?  my brain bounces around. It annoys me, but I've adapted. For instance, I go through reports at work from back to front: conclusion, then data, then methods and synopsis. I'm reading a stack of poetry books from the library all at once in a peculiar routine. It makes sense to me but would probably drive a lot of people bonkers. 

Art Nouveau: When were you last at the theatre?  the last time I was in a movie theater, I was on a date and we saw 1917. The last time I saw anything live was maybe three Christmas' ago when we went as a group from work to see The Nutcracker.

Pop Art: Do you enjoy pop culture?  yup. I read everyday fiction, watch increasing numbers of normal-people movies, and listen to a lot of mainstream music.

Contemporary: What did you do today?  I worked—both at home and at the office—and worked out, ate a couple of meals, and blogged. I also read, took a shower, and watched 3 episodes of The Simpsons. A full day!

 

[from here and here; the title quotation is by Prince, from "Pop Life"]

when I am attacked by gloomy thoughts, nothing helps me so much as running to my books. They quickly absorb me and banish the clouds from my mind

Relationship status? 

    "work in progress"

Do you prefer spaghetti or shaped pasta? 

    I'm pedantic about it; some sauces are better for shapes, while other sauces are better for the twine-on-your-fork kind

Favorite TV show? 

    I'm midway through the fifth season of Elementary on DVD. Hoping that I get the last two seasons for Christmas!
Flip to a random page in a book that's closest to you. What is the first line on page 20? 

    The Stuntman, by Brian Laidlaw. It's poetry, and I'm finding it to be not quite what I look for in poetry. There is no text on page 20, so this is from page 19: "My song takes the form of papier-mâché made out of maps molded into the hills the maps depict; the maps are not making me cry per se, I am making me cry thinking about the maps"

What did you do last new years'? 

    I have no recollection at all. I was essentially unconscious due to pneumonia.
Have you ever watched anime? What's your favorite anime? 
    I could be wrong, but I don't think that there is any genre that I could possibly care about less than anime

Date: Movies or park? 

    going to the movies sounds like bliss. For that matter, going parking seems pretty great too...

Favorite kind of weather? 

    crisp, cool fall days - the kind of which we get prehaps three each year

Favorite quote about respecting others?

    "Knowledge will give you power, but character respect."

[Bruce Lee]

    Hint: it goes both ways...

What do you look for in a significant other? 

    I really, really don't look

What is your favorite word?
    'mallard' (at the moment)

Do you prefer mint ice cream or vanilla ice cream?

    if those were the only two choices, I'd go with vanilla in a heartbeat

Gel pens or ballpoint pens? 

    ballpoint - and I prefer brown ink

What do or did you like about school? 

    it seems simplistic, but the first thing that comes to mind is "learning." Reading course material. I loved homework. Taking tests. Writing essays. Longer papers were a pain (the irony!) and group projects are the very devil. I loved reading assignments.

Name the 3 most important people in your life?     

Favorite piece of art?

    in my house? I recently acquired a Heather Mattoon "cats in clothes" print. I'm not sure that I can explain exactly why, but it tickles me profusely.

Favorite clothing store? 

    I just ordered another blouse from Sundance Catalog, Robert Redford's conceit. My size is currently out of stock, is on backorder, and should arrive January 10. I am VERY excited about it!

Favorite job? 

    of my own? The previous one, at the library. If I could have that back—minus the bit about the sneaky panther turtle, of course—I would take it in a heartbeat, gratefully even and at a pay cut if necessary. (Don't tell 'em I said that part!)

 

[from here; the title quotation is by Montaigne, from Les Essais]

a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it

Another 50 of the 200 (not boring) questions to ask to get to know someone better - this is Part 3.

101. How do you show your family you love them?
• with my family, I am a show-er, not a tell-er. Treats and sharing certain information with my dad, details for my mom, projects for my brother.  
102. Have you ever been to a family reunion?
• that is my childhood, in a nutshell. Besides the big, collective ones, we would often visit nearby family on the weekends.

Before:
beef tenderloin with garlic & onions

103. What's the most important holiday you spend with your family and why?
• this is such a common (i.e. over-asked) question! 
The next holiday coming up is Father's Day. It is still not too likely that I will spend it with my dad, so we will likely text that day instead. 
104. Who in your family would you describe as a "character"?
• I am the "character" in my family of origin. I made some choices that did not mesh with what had been done before. "Not that it was wrong, just that it was different."
105. How do you feel about family events?
• Extended-family events these days are more often funerals than anything, so the thought of them makes me sad. 
106. What's something your family would be surprised to learn about you?
• a good question. If they saw my college and grad school transcripts, they would probably be shocked. My grades, and some of the classes that I chose to take, would come as a huge surprise. 
107. Which family member do you confide in most?
• I talk with my mom the most, but I probably confide in my brother the most - and tell my dad the most important things (sometimes without intending to)
108. How do you deal with arguments between family members?
• not well. Every family has its dysfunctions, and mine seem to be centered around how to disagree without imploding. I am still learning.
109. If you have children, how do you want to raise them?
• in a hothouse
110. What's more important: family or friends?
• my close friends are chosen family. My parents and my brother are my friends as well as blood

Wait for it...
the resting phase

relations. 
111. Do you have any friends you would consider family?
• if you were wondering, this should make it clear that I do not read the questions ahead!
112. Has your family ever pressured you to act a certain way?
• "pressured" is a stronger word than I would choose. I have heard a flat-out No plenty of times, and been influenced one way or another by a variety of methods of different degrees of directness. 
113. Did you ever get to meet your great-grandparents?
• not hardly. My paternal grandfather was dead before I was born, and grandmother was 'old' before her time. She never much liked me - or any of the other female grandchildren. She died when I was in elementary school. My maternal grandparents were slightly younger. My grandmother died when I was in high school and grandfather while I was in college.  
114. What personality traits do you share with your relatives?
• stubbornness, generosity, and loyalty
115. What physical traits do you share with your relatives?
• pale blue eyes, a tendency toward sunburn and alcoholism, and long arms relative to my height
116. What stories did your family members tell you growing up?
• I have been pondering this question for half an hour and have no response. I do not know if it is that there were no "stories" per se, or that stories were so integrated into who we were and what we did that I cannot differentiate them.
117. How did your parents (and/or grandparents) meet?
• I am not sure of the order of events, but my dad was good friends with a pair of twins whose brother was dating my mom's younger sister. That couple married (and when I was born, I was given one of my names for that sister), and my parents (obviously) married, and here we are.
118. What makes you proud of your family?
• my parents have been married for 55 years. That's a thing these days, right?

Best part, after smelling it cooking for 8 hours!

119. Who's the newest member of your family?
• my niece's daughter is in elementary school
120. What can always bring your family together?
• fresh bread
121. What’s a relationship deal-breaker for you?
• meanness
122. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want?
• (this brings to mind the Black Knight from Monty Python & the Holy Grail, which brings to mind The Revenant.) Anyway, if I could only have one sense (and God help us may it be a temporary thing), I would choose touch.
123. What is your definition of success?
• personal satisfaction
124. Are you at all religious or spiritual?
• I am, "at all"
125. What are you most proud of in the last year?
• some internal things that are hard to explain but very real, very big and scary.   
126. What makes you feel most accomplished?
• part of my job involves helping colleagues to interpret and work with legal documents. My goal is to answer immediate questions while simultaneously providing enough background that they can figure out some of their own solutions later. 
127. Who do you admire most in the world?
• there is no one person who fits neatly into that description. There is, of course, one person who springs to mind first--but "there ain't no saint without a past, and no sinner without a future." (In other words: nobody's perfect.)
128. If you won a million dollars, what would you do with the money?
• spend a little, give a little, and invest most
129. Which of your personality traits are you most proud of?
• adaptation, sensitivity, and affection
130. What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or friend?
• I really, really don't.
131. How did you form your current political views?
• they have stuck to me over time, like barnacles on the hull of a boat
132. Do you live by any piece of advice or motto?

Vanilla Pan Cake
(to share)

• today, it's from Rumi: 

"Be like the sun for grace and mercy. Be like the night to cover others' faults. Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage and anger. Be like the Earth for modesty. Appear as you are. Be as you appear."

133. How can someone earn your trust?
• there is no secret formula. I think it is a balance of things, depending on the relationship: instinct and impressions (and the later revelation of how true some early impressions turned out to be); honesty and vulnerability; reliability; trusting me....
134. How can someone lose your trust?
• look, I am profoundly loyal and accepting of huge variances in people and the way that they live their lives - but there is a limit. What is the limit? Like the 'obscenity' line, you know it when you cross it. I think you have to want to.
135. Would you rather someone be honest and hurt your feelings or lie to protect them?
• honesty is always better, given that choice. There is, of course, a difference between being honest and being brutal. Sometimes you can be honest ('I'm not fond of it') as opposed to savage ('that outfit is ugly and I think that you look terrible in it'). Anyway, I would certainly rather hear the truth than go on living a lie.
136. If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the world better, what would you do?
• I would bring the people I love the blessings that they deserve
137. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
• "for adult entertainment purposes only," because it is either complete hooey or some immensely powerful shit that ought not to be fucked with
138. Have you ever lost a friend? If so, what happened?
• he died.
139. If you could only teach one thing to your (future) child, what would it be?
• save this one for a future post
140. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done, and why did you do it?
• I left a job that I loved, that paid really well, working with some people I completely adored - to move 500 miles away and in some ways "backward," taking a job that was insultingly boring and stupid, that paid almost nothing, working with some people that I did not like at all. All because, overall, it was the right thing to do, and a better place for me to be. I lay awake nights before and after that move, crying and regretting the decision. To this day, I sometimes wonder if I could have done it differently - but it was the right choice.
141. Do you believe in second chances?
• yes. Recognize the difference between opportunity and idiocy, and take those chances (and give them).

Puerto Rican chicken with peas & rice
mmmmm

142. Where do you get your news?
• email lists, some print sources, some select online sources
143. What is your biggest irrational fear?
• dogs, still. Any unexpected bark makes me flinch and brace myself. It is better now than it has ever been, but still terrifying. (And anyone who says "but my dog isn't scary" or, worse, "you don't have to be afraid of my dog" - you really do not understand what 'irrational fear' means, or maybe 'friendship', either.)
144. Do you contribute to any charities?
• yes
145. When was the last time you volunteered?
• December
144. Are you an organ donor?
• I have not donated anything yet??
145. Do you believe you should do one thing a day that scares you?
• yes, with the caveat that passion is far more vital to me than security is. I do not want to get to the end of my days wishing I had taken some action that scared me. Fear death, not life.
146. What, if anything, do you think happens after death?
• I believe there is no knowing until it happens
147. What line should someone never cross with you?
• do not intentionally hurt someone I love
148. How do you define beauty?
• it is a feeling that cannot be defined
149. Do you believe in life on other planets?
• whether I believe in it or not changes nothing about the veracity of a fact
150. How do you interact with someone who disagrees with you?
• see #108, above. I am learning not to throw shoes or the equivalent words, but it is difficult. I have an enormously long fuse and can take a great deal - but when I am done, I am SO done. I am trying to strike the balance between standing up for myself (good!) and behaving like a shrew. So far, reviews are mixed...

[from here; the title quotation is by Mary Karr, from The Liars' Club]

you can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming

I have hit one of those phases again where it is hard to figure out who I am or what my purpose might be. Regular readers will know, this means internet quizzes! I will post the results as always, with anything I think is applicable italicized, and my specific commentary after in bold.

snack time (front yard)

Glassdoor: What Job Best Fits Your Life?
"Result: Natural-Born Entrepreneur
You were born to run the show. If you’re not already heading up your own business—you should be. Chances are, you’ll flourish when you finally get the freedom to set your own schedule and pursue your passions. You might experience some unexpected twists and turns along the way, but what’s life without a few surprises? You’re set up to succeed since you value creativity and innovation, and you’re willing to expand your knowledge and learn from others. These are all must-have qualities for someone looking to go out on their own, so get to it!"
--Eh, no. Not without a hefty infusion of cash, some reasonable guarantee of success, and also something else to fall back on if it all goes to hell. Since I hardly have the resources to acquire a sugar daddy...this is not happening.

nap time (back yard)

I have discovered some very important things over the past couple of weeks. For instance: a broken pinkie can be really, really painful. And as soon as you think it has begun to heal, you will likely do something that makes it immediately and startlingly clear that it has, in fact, not done so. It seems to ache a little after I have washed my hair (could that really be so traumatic?). Last night, though, I turned it the wrong way while stretching in prep for a workout, and nearly vomited from the pain. Even just thinking about it makes me a little queasy now. I have not been keeping it wrapped at home, only when I (rarely) venture out into the world, where other people might be able to affect it. Given that shocking pain last night, though, I may want to rethink that policy. From the time of the initial break, I thought that getting an actual hard splint was overkill. It seemed like I would end up straining the other fingers in an effort to baby the injured one. A couple of fabric bandages across the knuckles (I am buddy-taping the last two fingers into a sort of flipper) seems to be doing the trick. I just need to do it more often.

nap time - moving toward the sun (back yard)

How Stuff Works: What Kind of Person Are You?
"You Got: Intelligent
You have a lot of different aspects to your personality, all of them positive, but the one thing that really sticks out to other people about you is how smart you are. No matter in what crowd you're in, you're considered to be very intelligent. People in your life at work and at home respect your mind above all else."
--FEHHHHH. Sore spot.

I am trying something that I have not done before: online selling. Just today sold something through FB Marketplace, and listed a very expensive (in my estimation) piece of jewelry this past week on eBay. The FB item took for-freaking-EVER to sell; the eBay auction ends this coming Friday, and there are no bids at this point. Though I am highly motivated to sell it, it is costly enough that I cannot part with it for less than a certain minimum, which will limit the potential market. With a couple of people watching it, though, I am hopeful that toward the end of the auction, at least one of them will bite the bullet and jump on it.

flowering shrub - behind the school

If this works, I intend to start sorting through some of my media. There is an excess of music, movies and books in this house, and a lot of it would be better elsewhere. Amazon is likely a better selling venue for most of that than either of the other sites. There are a few things in my collection that it is hard to imagine anyone wanting - but, then again, I bought it. Surely there is someone more desperate for entertainment or with more disposable cash than me! And, really, who am I to think that I understand anyone else's taste in media, anyway?

Psychology Today: Gender Roles Test (for Women)
"Snapshot Report: Courtship Roles 70
Your score on this scale indicates that you prefer a more modern, relaxed approach to dating - you generally don't think men and women should have to stick to customary dating rules for their gender. People who score in this range are less likely to feel that men should take the lead and women take a more passive role, or that should men behave in chivalrous manner, for example."
--This is one of those "take the quiz, get the 'snapshot report', and pay $4.95 for the whole deal, which will give context to that snapshot" quizzes. It is also inordinately long (it took me around 20 minutes to complete). Since it seems so accurate for me, though, I am curious to know what the rest of the results would entail. Not curious enough to pay $4.95 though (of course).

flowering shrub

It appears likely that my employer will end its current public closure procedure and work from home policies within the next month or so. The governor of this state was somewhat late to the stay-at-home game, and the ruling class in the job also took their time in making a decision with regards to how our company would handle the internal and external responses to the public health needs. It is not difficult, then, to infer a sort of reluctance within the organization to keeping anyone at home, at least for any extended period of time.

It is just really hard to imagine going back to work after all this. I know I am not the only one to feel that way, or unduly put-upon in any way whatsoever by my job. I am extremely lucky in the first place, to have one, and also to have been able to just dump what I need into a box and take it into my spare bedroom with a desk. My time from when the alarm rings to when I am clocked in is now 30 minutes. It has not been that brief since I was living four blocks from the library! About 75% of the time, I still dress in work attire (albeit 'business casual'), though the rest of the time - if I schedule a workout midday - running clothes it is. I have had only one Zoom meeting, and I connected by audio only. It has been very, very good for me in a lot of ways.

It makes sense for the closure to end, within some limits. I think that life as we used to know it is over now, and ought to be. We have taken things for granted that now we have to think about, like full-grown adults. There is scary stuff out there, and there are pretty small things that we can do to limit the degree of bad.

That being said--now that we have figured out that such a huge proportion of the workforce can work remotely, and that having lots of people in close proximity can increase public health risks, prehaps this is the ideal time to reconsider the shape of how businesses can be staffed most effectively, efficiently, and happily in the future. I doubt that it will happen in the industry where I work, which is profoundly (even dangerously) conservative. That leaves an itchy feeling on my not-so-conservative conscience.

[the title quotation is by Pablo Neruda]