101. How do you show your family you love them?
• with my family, I am a show-er, not a tell-er. Treats and sharing certain information with my dad, details for my mom, projects for my brother.
102. Have you ever been to a family reunion?
• that is my childhood, in a nutshell. Besides the big, collective ones, we would often visit nearby family on the weekends.
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| Before: beef tenderloin with garlic & onions |
• this is such a common (i.e. over-asked) question!
The next holiday coming up is Father's Day. It is still not too likely that I will spend it with my dad, so we will likely text that day instead.
104. Who in your family would you describe as a "character"?
• I am the "character" in my family of origin. I made some choices that did not mesh with what had been done before. "Not that it was wrong, just that it was different."
105. How do you feel about family events?
• Extended-family events these days are more often funerals than anything, so the thought of them makes me sad.
106. What's something your family would be surprised to learn about you?
• a good question. If they saw my college and grad school transcripts, they would probably be shocked. My grades, and some of the classes that I chose to take, would come as a huge surprise.
107. Which family member do you confide in most?
• I talk with my mom the most, but I probably confide in my brother the most - and tell my dad the most important things (sometimes without intending to)
108. How do you deal with arguments between family members?
• not well. Every family has its dysfunctions, and mine seem to be centered around how to disagree without imploding. I am still learning.
109. If you have children, how do you want to raise them?
• in a hothouse
110. What's more important: family or friends?
• my close friends are chosen family. My parents and my brother are my friends as well as blood
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| Wait for it... the resting phase |
111. Do you have any friends you would consider family?
• if you were wondering, this should make it clear that I do not read the questions ahead!
112. Has your family ever pressured you to act a certain way?
• "pressured" is a stronger word than I would choose. I have heard a flat-out No plenty of times, and been influenced one way or another by a variety of methods of different degrees of directness.
113. Did you ever get to meet your great-grandparents?
• not hardly. My paternal grandfather was dead before I was born, and grandmother was 'old' before her time. She never much liked me - or any of the other female grandchildren. She died when I was in elementary school. My maternal grandparents were slightly younger. My grandmother died when I was in high school and grandfather while I was in college.
114. What personality traits do you share with your relatives?
• stubbornness, generosity, and loyalty
115. What physical traits do you share with your relatives?
• pale blue eyes, a tendency toward sunburn and alcoholism, and long arms relative to my height
116. What stories did your family members tell you growing up?
• I have been pondering this question for half an hour and have no response. I do not know if it is that there were no "stories" per se, or that stories were so integrated into who we were and what we did that I cannot differentiate them.
117. How did your parents (and/or grandparents) meet?
• I am not sure of the order of events, but my dad was good friends with a pair of twins whose brother was dating my mom's younger sister. That couple married (and when I was born, I was given one of my names for that sister), and my parents (obviously) married, and here we are.
118. What makes you proud of your family?
• my parents have been married for 55 years. That's a thing these days, right?
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| Best part, after smelling it cooking for 8 hours! |
• my niece's daughter is in elementary school
120. What can always bring your family together?
• fresh bread
121. What’s a relationship deal-breaker for you?
• meanness
122. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want?
• (this brings to mind the Black Knight from Monty Python & the Holy Grail, which brings to mind The Revenant.) Anyway, if I could only have one sense (and God help us may it be a temporary thing), I would choose touch.
123. What is your definition of success?
• personal satisfaction
124. Are you at all religious or spiritual?
• I am, "at all"
125. What are you most proud of in the last year?
• some internal things that are hard to explain but very real, very big and scary.
126. What makes you feel most accomplished?
• part of my job involves helping colleagues to interpret and work with legal documents. My goal is to answer immediate questions while simultaneously providing enough background that they can figure out some of their own solutions later.
127. Who do you admire most in the world?
• there is no one person who fits neatly into that description. There is, of course, one person who springs to mind first--but "there ain't no saint without a past, and no sinner without a future." (In other words: nobody's perfect.)
128. If you won a million dollars, what would you do with the money?
• spend a little, give a little, and invest most
129. Which of your personality traits are you most proud of?
• adaptation, sensitivity, and affection
130. What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or friend?
• I really, really don't.
131. How did you form your current political views?
• they have stuck to me over time, like barnacles on the hull of a boat
132. Do you live by any piece of advice or motto?
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| Vanilla Pan Cake (to share) |
"Be like the sun for grace and mercy. Be like the night to cover others' faults. Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage and anger. Be like the Earth for modesty. Appear as you are. Be as you appear."
133. How can someone earn your trust?• there is no secret formula. I think it is a balance of things, depending on the relationship: instinct and impressions (and the later revelation of how true some early impressions turned out to be); honesty and vulnerability; reliability; trusting me....
134. How can someone lose your trust?
• look, I am profoundly loyal and accepting of huge variances in people and the way that they live their lives - but there is a limit. What is the limit? Like the 'obscenity' line, you know it when you cross it. I think you have to want to.
135. Would you rather someone be honest and hurt your feelings or lie to protect them?
• honesty is always better, given that choice. There is, of course, a difference between being honest and being brutal. Sometimes you can be honest ('I'm not fond of it') as opposed to savage ('that outfit is ugly and I think that you look terrible in it'). Anyway, I would certainly rather hear the truth than go on living a lie.
136. If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the world better, what would you do?
• I would bring the people I love the blessings that they deserve
137. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
• "for adult entertainment purposes only," because it is either complete hooey or some immensely powerful shit that ought not to be fucked with
138. Have you ever lost a friend? If so, what happened?
• he died.
139. If you could only teach one thing to your (future) child, what would it be?
• save this one for a future post
140. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done, and why did you do it?
• I left a job that I loved, that paid really well, working with some people I completely adored - to move 500 miles away and in some ways "backward," taking a job that was insultingly boring and stupid, that paid almost nothing, working with some people that I did not like at all. All because, overall, it was the right thing to do, and a better place for me to be. I lay awake nights before and after that move, crying and regretting the decision. To this day, I sometimes wonder if I could have done it differently - but it was the right choice.
141. Do you believe in second chances?
• yes. Recognize the difference between opportunity and idiocy, and take those chances (and give them).
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| Puerto Rican chicken with peas & rice mmmmm |
• email lists, some print sources, some select online sources
143. What is your biggest irrational fear?
• dogs, still. Any unexpected bark makes me flinch and brace myself. It is better now than it has ever been, but still terrifying. (And anyone who says "but my dog isn't scary" or, worse, "you don't have to be afraid of my dog" - you really do not understand what 'irrational fear' means, or maybe 'friendship', either.)
144. Do you contribute to any charities?
• yes
145. When was the last time you volunteered?
• December
144. Are you an organ donor?
• I have not donated anything yet??
145. Do you believe you should do one thing a day that scares you?
• yes, with the caveat that passion is far more vital to me than security is. I do not want to get to the end of my days wishing I had taken some action that scared me. Fear death, not life.
146. What, if anything, do you think happens after death?
• I believe there is no knowing until it happens
147. What line should someone never cross with you?
• do not intentionally hurt someone I love
148. How do you define beauty?
• it is a feeling that cannot be defined
149. Do you believe in life on other planets?
• whether I believe in it or not changes nothing about the veracity of a fact
150. How do you interact with someone who disagrees with you?
• see #108, above. I am learning not to throw shoes or the equivalent words, but it is difficult. I have an enormously long fuse and can take a great deal - but when I am done, I am SO done. I am trying to strike the balance between standing up for myself (good!) and behaving like a shrew. So far, reviews are mixed...
[from here; the title quotation is by Mary Karr, from The Liars' Club]
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