the daily hummingbird assaults existence with improbability

1. What’s the first thing you saw this morning that made you smile? 

    a hummingbird sitting on his new saucer feeder, watching me work. I don't exactly believe in 'angels' or reincarnation, but I wonder sometimes if maybe hummingbirds are the exception to that. They do seem to show up at times when I'm feeling a loss especially hard, and they inexplicably make me feel much better.  

 

2. What’s a sound that feels like home? 

    the first thing that popped into my head was the song "Miami" by Counting Crows (from Hard Candy, 2002). I'm not certain what it is about this song that let it burrow so far beneath my skin, but my love for this, and the way it feels like home, is bone-deep. 

 

3. What was your favorite hiding place as a kid? 

    my bedroom closet, which was 'shared'—there was a door to the same closet from the living room, so the east half was used as a coat closet by the house (the door generally fully open) and the west half was for my sibling and me—and thus quite cramped. I would tuck myself into a tiny ball with my back toward that open door, and read by the light coming through from the living room windows. 

    I also liked to sit in the back seat of the (parked) car to read, though that got me in trouble more than once for using the dome light and not shutting it off, or for failing to fully close the car door. Batteries are hard for little kids to understand! 

 

4. When did you last feel proud of something tiny but important? 

    during the HOA board meeting this month, I made a salient, meaningful point about something financial, which is a big shocker and surprised even me. Three of the people in the room seemed to visibly express respect in a new way after that.   

    I don't love being on the board (understatement of the year) and I don't love simultaneously taking minutes and thinking critically and making arguments. When I manage to keep my shit together, keep my composure, and accomplish all that, it's a win. 

 

5. What food is basically a time machine for you? 

    roast beef and gravy with mashed potatoes, preferably with homemade rolls. In a world of low-carb this and prepackaged that and cooking is too much work, that meal is even better. 

6. What’s a piece of advice you’ve quietly ignored—and been glad you did? 

    George, my library community service assistant/crush described here and elsewhere, once very conspiratorially revealed that he thought I should get a tattoo of a "sexy sun" around my navel. It was a compliment, albeit a strange one, and I recall gravely thanking him. His feelings were sensitive and quite close to the surface, so I'd learned to be gentle. I'm assuming that what he had in mind is something like that in the picture shown here...

    Why did I quietly ignore George's advice? Because that could not be any less 'me'. Of all the body parts I would like to draw attention to, my navel has never been tops of the list. It also seems like a pretty painful spot for a long tattooing session, or incredibly ticklish (or God forbid both at once). And frankly, I think it's unattractive. As with many "socially eroticized" body parts, belly buttons are utilitarian rather than sexually functional, so from a psychlogical background their glorification seems bizarre. 

    Why am I glad that I ignored it? Because at this point in my life, it would be an embarrassing reminder of the body that I used to enjoy but no longer have.  

7. If you could bottle a single scent forever, what would it be? 

    warm, clean kitty in the sunshine 

 

8. What small ritual keeps you tethered when life feels chaotic?

      this answer surprises me a little: it is using the Evidation app. It functions as a walk-for-pay tracker (tied in with my smart-ish watch) that also employs daily surveys to earn more points. There are 3 daily questions ("How are you feeling today?" "How would you rate your sleep quality last night?" and "How would you rate your stress level today?") and more sporadic, longer surveys based on typical health concerns (such as migraines, depression, seasonal allergies, etc.). There are also Weekly Wellness Tips (today's is about working with an accountability partner and having a social support system) whose reading earns points. I answer those questions and surveys daily, and get weekly, monthly and yearly trend reports. Some have been insightful enough to share with my doctor. A sample of the reporting is shown in this graph, illustrating my 'active minutes' during August of this year.

    Evidation has also earned me around $50 in Amazon gift cards. Not a huge money-maker, but rather a positive habit that also happens to pay back. 

 

9. When’s the last time you laughed so hard it surprised you? 

    my latest taco-salad lunch with Rebecca from the financial place, for my bday. I think it was related to one of her Very Large Dogs. I just remember laughing so hard that the little loose bits of avocado on my fork—raised to but not inside of my mouth—flew across the table at her. We'd been laughing hard enough already but the airborne avocado set us off once more. We both had to mop tears off our faces (and avocado off the table).

    There's really nothing like a good meal with a dear friend.

 

10. What’s something you hope future-you remembers about right-now-you? 

    resilience. Actively looking for ways to be happy when life, right now, is not. 

 

[ChatGPT blog meme questions, a set called 'The “Little Windows” Meme'; the title quotation is by Ursula K. Le Guin, from No Time To Spare: Thinking About What Matters]