in my dreams the world would come alive, becoming so captivatingly majestic, free and ethereal, that afterwards it would be oppressive to breathe the dust of this painted life

 from "351 Good Questions to Ask"

211. What's the most overrated product on the market?  lunchables. WTF is that all about? Are people truly lazy enough that they cannot cut meat and cheese for their kids? And squeezable yogurt - seriously?!

212. What word do you always misspell?  "commiserate." Luckily it's one of those words I rarely need to use.

213. What naps are the most satisfying?  the kind you get over lunch where you end up with a tooth embedded in your noggin. 

    Or one of those stolen Sundays that you think might last 15 minutes but ends up going 3 hours and leaving you stupid and fuzzy-headed and a little dehydrated and blissful

214. What's the weirdest thing you've found lying on the ground/side of the road?  on the way south through the middle of the flatland, I once saw a group of small plastic horses planted in a field of soybeans just off the highway. They were probably 50' out, far enough that it would not have been easy to get to them, but close enough that I was able to pull over (it was a state highway, not the toll road) and take a few quick pictures. I laughed about that off and on for days.

216. What's the most embarrassing story from your childhood?  in kindergarten, I was once given the great honor to raise the projection screen after we watched a film. Because I was small, weak, and probably a little overwhelmed by the excitement, I lost control of the cord as it was on its way up. The screen snapped up, into the case, and with considerable force it continued in an upward direction, pulling itself off the hooks and onto the floor. No one was killed or injured and it made a terrible noise when it landed. I was pretty sure I was going to be arrested - and kicked out of school.  My grade school BFF still teases me about it.

217. What animal is the most majestic?  majestic is in the eye of the beholder - and this guy is pretty rockin'...

219. What is the weirdest text or email you've gotten?  the best message that's worth sharing is a voicemail from a wrong number. It was around 5 in the morning, several years ago. It is a Spicoli-sounding dude clearly baked beyond the human realm saying the following:

"Hey, baby girl. What's goin' on? I'm just callin' to get back at you. Just ... I'm just wondering if you'd come over and get on me and my friends' ... uh, dicks, y'know. We ... I mean, our sporting goods. We've got some sporting goods here, and we're from ... we just got jobs at Dick's, we're just wondering if, uh, you want to chill with us and shit, so holler back at me, all right? Bethany? Bye."

220. What always cheers you up when you think about it?  it's turning to autumn now, which means cooler weather, deliciously deeper sleep, lower utility bills, long sleeves and jackets and boots, darker flowers, longer nights, rainy days, and a few more holidays. My favorite time of year!

223. What is the most boring sport, and what would you do to make it more exciting?  swimming. Prehaps change it up with some increase or decrease in water temperature? Or the addition of carnivorous fish?

224. What is the creepiest tech out there?  video doorbells give me the willies. I loathe doorbells anyway, but the video that comes from those things makes me shudder.

225. Who did you used to look up to, but they screwed up and you lost faith in them?  This is nothing to be proud of or to share.

226. What is fine in small numbers but terrifying in large numbers?  people

227. Do you like things carefully planned or do you prefer to go with the flow?  both are good. I like having something planned to look forward to, like a vacation or a day of 'adventuring' with a friend. Thinking about those things when daily life feels slow or onerous is a joy in itself, a preview of the fun that will be had later. 

    I also like going with the flow. Getting a call, asking if I have plans for lunch. Friends who check in when they want company to walk around the neighborhood. Texts from my brother when he's free to help me out with house stuff. There is an undeniable pleasure in feeling pursued.

226. What animal would you most like to eat?  Paddington Bear. WTF kind of question is this?! Am I supposed to give a specific answer? Or just say "chicken"?

230. What would the box with all your hopes and dreams inside look like?  see picture at right (I'll bet no one expected an actual photograph for this one!)

229. What fictional characters have you had a crush on over the years?  Ford (from Alisa Kwitney's Does She or Doesn't She?), Harry (from Christina Bartolomeo's Cupid & Diana), and Jonathan (from David Cristofano's The Girl She Used to Be and The Exceptions)

231. What was the worst shopping experience you've ever had?  buying a dress for a May wedding in Los Angeles was the very devil. Finding the balance between look, comfort, style, fit, and appropriateness for the occasion was a neat trick. I settled on the one pictured at left, from Modcloth, which I still have and still love. The process of getting there, though, was from Hell. 

233. What was the most important appointment or deadline you missed?  a bachelor party at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. Life could have been quite different had I shown up for that!

235. If you could airdrop anything you want, worth two million dollars or less, anywhere you want, what would you drop and where would you drop it?  guaranteed income, a health insurance trust, a travel allowance, and a bale of catnip - on a showy farm out west

[from here; the title quotation is by Vladimir Nabokov, from Invitation to a Beheading]