Making the Effort [revised]

This has the potential to be a bad day. I was up late, on the phone, as I've been prone to doing lately. It was a relatively unsatisfying interaction for both parties, and I don't foresee the issue being satisfactorily resolved. At least not anytime soon.

That makes me sad.

After my phone call, I went back to bed. Slept badly. Not sure if it was just that conversation that put me off, or if it was the weather. I slept with the windows open for the first time this season, and the outdoor sounds are something to get used to.

Woke up before the alarm, happy to leave my swirling dreams. Read my book while eating breakfast. Although I hadn't allotted the time to do it, I then removed my nail polish--my toenails are bare for the first time in probably a year.

Then I got dressed. Something I'd been dreading--a big part of why today's not a good day. Today is the launch of the law lib. My big, smelly, dusty baby. And the 'launch' is not just my overblown ego talking; there's a meeting of the local law association, and the county board and lib. board are attending. It's a big deal. I needed to bring out the grown-up clothes. Unfortunately, the jacket from my court suit is a few sizes too large now. Or, I'm a few sizes too small for it. So I'm wearing the skirt (in which I'm still sort of swimming) and a blouse that I hadn't realized was so loose until this morning. Matching camisole. Black hose. Black heels (mid-height). New necklace that I made last night, to bring the outfit back to "me" level.

I'm incredibly nervous. I haven't been around a pack of attorneys for the sake of talking law since my swearing-in, in November 1999. I'm tempted to carry my ARDC (Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission; the governing body by which lawyers are licensed in this state) card with me, just to prove.... But, then again, I'm not an attorney in this setting, am I? And I really don't have anything to prove, do I? 'Cause I am a lawyer, regardless of whether anyone believes it. So that should be the last of my concerns.

Maybe I'm just thinking about it because I don't want to be able to concentrate on how weary I am.

But it is a beautiful day--sunny and warm, already 64°F and headed for 77°F by mid-afternoon--and in a way, what I have ahead of me is the sort of professional accomplishment for which I've searched in vain lately. If I'm really going to make my own fortune (and I mean that in the theoretical sense, not in the financial sense [I'm in the wrong field to make it financially]), I need to see the beauty and warmth, rather than the fear and the problems.

So. Beautiful day, yes? And yesterday, but for a couple of things, wasn't so bad. I even set up a "go-to" deal with a dear, dear friend in case I need him. He still has an open invitation to slap me and/or stomp off in a well-deserved huff, but it doesn't appear that he will. He wants to be able to wear his early 20th century accessories....

Good day, y'all. I'll try to see it, too.