1. Who is Alex Ludd really, and why does he do the annoying ball thing?
2. I qualify to be a poet, according to the rules set out by Lord Byron.
3. Why are grape-flavored things purple, when most grapes are either red or green?
4. My stargazer lilies are still lookin' fine. Hearty little dudes!
5. What would I have to do to get Carlos Zambrano's autograph?
6. Birds that eat mulberries and then poop on my car ought to be rounded up and BBQ'd.
7. Where can two people who are all dressed up go, in this area, without having to spend ridiculous amounts of money or be around waaay too many people?
8. The Simpsons Season 6 on DVD comes in a plastic container shaped like Homer's head. There is an offer inside the container to get a free standard DVD box. ("For all those that fear change... For all those anal-retentive nerds who like their DVD boxes to line up perfectly on the shelf... For all those who dislike storing their digital media inside a hollowed-out human head, have we got a deal for you: Just call 1-800-[bla-blah] for a very derivative, old-style, just-like-before box with almost nothing new or creative to annoy or terrify you. Enjoy!") Call the number, and you're berated for 5 minutes about being a Big Baby, only to discover that you actually need to go to Simpsonsbox.com to get the new box anyway. It costs $2.95 to have the thing shipped. Why? Why pay again, just to have a box that will actually rest on a shelf? It's totally crazy consumerism. And I am a Big Baby, so I've ordered my new box. Doh!
9. How do I sign the birthday card for Dean's dad?
10. I have a giant bruise on my left knee from when I dropped a shelf full of books on it this afternoon (at work).
11. When is the best time to say 'I love you' for the first time?
12. I'm a flavor girl, but sometimes vanilla ice cream is absolutely killer.
13. Lunchtime. Open window (nice weather!). Ikea chair (fucking Ikea) next to the window. BEEPBEEPBEEP--van backing toward the building, right below me. I look out (while shoving 2/3 of a piece of Honey Wheat cinnamon toast into my face), only to see He Who Annoys Me, standing on the rear bumper of the van, which (since he's 6-foot-13) brings his face roughly to the level of my ankles. I nearly horked my toast at the screen...it was as close as I've ever been to him. He really does look a lot like a lumberjack. Wassup with that?

Talked on the phone with The Cat tonight, and I made her laugh hard enough that I thought she'd either pass out or swallow the phone. It's all about elephant sex...ask her!

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