A few months ago, Molly published her "list of ten rules for living a crappy life". With apologies to Molly for snarfing her idea (a copy of which, incidentally, has been hanging on my refrigerator for 7 months), I have ten more:
11. Conceptualize your relationships in such deliberately casual terms that they become almost meaningless, because imbuing them with a sense of value will create expectations of reciprocity that you do not deserve.
12. Downplay your education, experience, skills, and knowledge. Call it humility, but know that you are really just selling yourself short.
13. Never ask for what you are worth, because then there will be less chance of disappointment about something that really matters.
14. When someone does badly by you, internalize that feeling. Make it your own. Accept their bad mood, their snap judgment, their displaced aggression.
15. Make exceptions the rule. If you don't drink, drink a lot, but just this once. If you don't smoke, smoke just a couple, but only when you drink. If you aren't easy, if there's that old boyfriend who's on the outs with his lover when you're on the outs with yours....
16. Ignore any sign that you might be unhealthy. Heart beating too fast? Feel faint? Found a lump? Head hurt worse than ever before? It will probably go away on its own. Probably just something you ate. It was probably nothing to worry about. It was probably just stress.
17. When you find yourself telling perfect strangers how much you dislike your job, don't do anything about it. Don't try to fix what's wrong with the job that you have, and don't try to find something new. Just let it eat away at you until you die.
18. If you are particularly lonely and want nothing more than to talk with a friend, stare at your phone and think, "Why isn't anyone calling me?" Don't call them. That will show that you are weak.
19. Even if it isn't working, stick with it. Starting over is too hard. Even if you've started over before and you know it's not impossible--just don't do it. Rationalize that it will get better on its own eventually.
20. In the end, sleeping 20 hours each day isn't such a bad thing. It leaves fewer hours between 'wake' and 'sleep' that need to be filled.