but would it help?

Suggested as a brochure, to be handed to public library patrons:            [updated]

1. Do not smell the librarian.
2. Do not touch the librarian.
3. Do not show suggestive or otherwise personal poetry to the librarian.
4. Do not attempt to startle the librarian. It is not "just a joke." It is not "funny." Similarly, if the librarian uses a cane or similar device, do not "play keepaway" with it, unless you wish to face criminal charges for theft and harassment.
5. Do not "sidle up to" the librarian in an attempt to curry favor.
6. Do not follow the librarian home.
7. If you see the librarian outside of the library, e.g. at the grocery store, say, "Hello," only. Do not attempt to abscond with the librarian's personal life.
8. Do not give gifts to the librarian. In the event that you wish you make your happiness with the librarian known, please make a general donation to the library in honor of the librarian.
9. If the librarian has a listed telephone number, do not use it for any reason.
10. Do not ogle the librarian.
11. Do not play with whatever is in your pants. Ever. Keep your hands completely out of your pockets.
12. Your underwear should not be out alone in public. Keep it covered up.
13. If you think WE are rude, go in the bathroom and look in the mirror!
14. People with different colored skin and people who don't speak English as well as you do have the exact same rights in the library as you do. Get over it.
15. Librarians do not date. Especially not YOU.
16. CURB YOUR PETS AND CHILDREN! They aren't that cute.
17. Banging on the keyboard when typing really doesn't make the font darker, nor does it help your attitude improve. And it definitely annoys the staff.
18. We are here to HELP you. We are not here to do whatever you need FOR you, nor do we really care about why you need it and the whole history of your universe.
19. Cell phones off. No stupid tunes. Or I'll cut your ears off with a piece of printer paper.
20. READ THE DAMNED SIGNS! That's why we bought them. Restrooms ARE MARKED. So are the copiers. So are the Internet stations. Open your eyeballs.
21. Do not ask the librarian if she'll model for your photography.
22. Do not ask the librarian to serve as a personal reference when you are brought to trial, or "in the pending civil suit".
23. Do not make personal pleas to the librarian to add your [self-published] book to the collection.

Any additions?