perchance to just sleep

    I'm tired. By which I do not mean "sleepy," but rather "exhausted" or "my muscles won't function correctly" or "I want to lie down and not get back up." It's been a wretched week, chock full of work (and I left my desk at least as full yesterday at 5:00 as it was when I arrived at 8:45 on Monday morning) and cold (weather.com says "Sunny, 11°F") and slightly lonesome (Nick's new job is both good and...no, it's all good, totally good, but... I'm still adjusting; I haven't seen him since Sunday), and now kind of sniffling and sore-throaty. I went to bed last night before 9:00. I haven't done that since I was a child. I've been awake for a half hour. I've had some granola and lemon green tea. The door is closed on the bathroom to make the bathtub as warm as possible for my shower, after which I'm taking a nap.
     For all this busy-ness, this week has also been extremely tentative. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. One of my coworkers has expressed a firm intention to find my blog; he seems to think that my unwillingness to simply give him the address indicates that I am merely "shy" and not that I've written something about him that he won't want to read, or that I'd rather not share. To be honest, I can't recall whether I've written anything about him at all, but if I have...ugh. This paranoia is getting old.
     I also wish I'd never even heard of sitemeter. This blog has always been prone to lurkers. Some of them have made themselves known after a period of time, for reasons that they generally keep to themselves. It usually doesn't even bother me to know, for instance, that someone from an ISP in Riverfall, Cheese state has accessed the blog several times every day for the past two weeks. Do I know someone in Riverfall? Do they just dig the weird conglomeration of stuff that's here? Did they find it through a Google search for one of the innumerable old boyfriends? Or my current big money-maker, "I Love Baby Ducks" by Tom T. Hall? Anyway, like I said, the lurkers don't usually bother me. This week, though, I'm giving them more thought than usual. It doesn't help that many--like, a third???--of the gross hits are coming from my hometown, and not from the ISP that I recognize (that would be you, mother-of-Pinkilicious). A decent chunk of the rest are coming from elsewhere in the home state.
     One of my fellow bloggers was busted this week by both a corporate entity and by someone we both know under other circumstances. I don't welcome my bubble of relative anonymity bursting like that.
     The blog world is a pretty messy one. I never knew about all the dark alleys and fault lines until I was too far in to feel like I wanted to get out. I suppose that's the appeal and danger of a semi-real world.