This morning is radically different from last Saturday. I am much more calm, my hands are not shaking, and I expect to be able to hold down food. Not sure that I wouldn't trade, though, if I could.
Last night's much-anticipated date with E had to be postponed; he had a work thing that could not be avoided. We knew on Wednesday that it would likely not happen, but were still trying to finagle something. By Thursday it was beyond hope and we'd already moved to seeking another option. Unfortunately, we'd set on Friday from the outset because the rest of this weekend is shot because each of us had various plans made earlier, so it may be a week or even two before we see each other again.
Yesterday, I arrived at work and turned on my computer first thing as usual. There was a message waiting for me, sent by E before 8:AM. We volleyed mail all day, even after I got home from work but he was still stuck there. Later, when he'd finally made it home, we were each listening to the Cubs game while we sent instant messages back and forth for quite a while, and that ended only because he called--he just wanted to hear my voice again.
For anyone who knows anything about the relationship that I was in for the last 3 years, you might understand how foreign this is to me. And how utterly charming it is, to be interested in someone who is interested in me. This degree of attentiveness (without an accompanying sense of cloying creepiness) is novel. To be the want-ee, rather than the consistently frustrated want-er in almost all ways, is an enjoyable feeling. I do understand why people angle themselves into this position.
That being said, I need to spend some time out of this position for a couple of days. I've been plunked in front of a computer far too often lately. For the next two days I will walk, and drive, and relax, and not think too hard. And there will definitely be no vacuuming while in a state of panic.
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