I've never asked someone out. Once I've been in a relationship with someone, I can 'make the first move' with impunity, of course. But I've never, ever done the initial, "Would you like to go out with me?" Ever.
The last guy that I dated (however briefly) told me that I'm too shy. That if I want something, I need to actually do something to get it. Take action, rather than waiting and hoping.
He was right, you know? I knew he was right. It hurt to hear it (especially so boldly), but it was true and he was right.
So I did it. I'd developed an interest in someone, and it was distracting and lovely to simply feel the desire and to wait...but I finally didn't want to wait anymore. I took action.
The result? Nothing so wrenching as the last time, but definitely the opposite of what I'd hoped for.
And now, what do I have? Not even the distraction and the lovely desire. And not hope.
Tell me, is this better than waiting for something that was never going to come? This sense of having gone beyond my comfort, to be denied?
It doesn't feel that way to me.
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