relationship dissection

• What is your current relationship status? Sporadically intriguing, primarily dissociative, imbued with longing, and futile.
• What sort of people do you like, as far as what their interests are in life? Most of my female friends are eggheads. (Sorry to anyone who takes offense to that, but it's true.) I think that I seek (and/or attract) female friends who are strongly similar to me in some essential way, but who are diverse in other ways. They complement each other.
  Romantically speaking, I think that I seek (and definitely attract) the opposite. Guys who are alike in many ways, but who are different enough from each other (i.e. from the last) that they seem - at first blush - to be a significant departure. Something new and possibly successful for my romantic situation.
• What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? I don't have a "type" except that I notice unusual eyes. Or perhaps I am simply attuned to eyes to an unusual degree.
• What kind of fashion-sense attracts you? meh - whatever. I guess I could say that I like when someone dresses more for comfort than style without looking like a slob. And I do like when someone who most often dresses for comfort dresses "up" for something special. The difference makes a difference.
• What kind of hair style do you find attractive on a potential mate? Shorter rather than longer. It depends what looks best on the face.
• What is the usual age range you look at? Sigh. I am prone to going young, and it's getting to be 'an issue.' A friend has recommended that, rather than seeking younger men who appear to be "as mature as me," I should prehaps try to find someone my own age (or older) who is as immature as me. That's probably good advice, but easier said than done.
• What traits turn you off? Dishonesty. Male pattern baldness. Aggressiveness. Unclean teeth. Vacillation.
• Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? Who the fuck "falls into" monogamous relationships? I would be very interested in seeing how that works, exactly, in the real world.
  I "prefer" to date one person - I'm no good at juggling, as we've ascertained before - but it is proving to be a more difficult concept than I'd imagined.
• Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? No. I don't do it very often, but I can. Guess I "took a dance class" after all.
• If you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Yes, but not for the sake of being in a relationship. There is a particular person whose company eludes me.
• What are the positive points about being single? Quiet. Bed-hogging. Flexibility. Eating mac-n-cheese from the pan. Privacy. Singing. Lack of complications. Drinking all my own beer. Time.
• What are the negative points about being single? Quiet. Money. Lack of complications. No sex. Time, neverending.
• When single, do you often find yourself longing for companionship? Not often. When I do, I have myriad friends with whom I can relieve it, mostly, if I choose.
• How well do you handle rejection? In general, it's a part of life and I think I'm reasonably adept at letting things roll off. Romantically, it tears me up.
• Do you miss your last sweetie? If my last "sweetie" is Nick, then, no. I am sick to death of him, honestly.
• Do you think it's better to look for love or let it find you? Love isn't a thing that you can hunt, like morels. It is the result of whatever electrochemical/biological/spiritual voodoo shit that occurs when two people come together who are intended (I might say "destined") to affect each other. It's the same sort of thing that happens when you realize that someone is a friend, only more intensely and on a different scale.
• What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? About 15 years, I guess.
• Do you think couples should spend a very large amount of time together or space things out a tad? I'm a big proponent of space, having been in a very [dangerously] interrelated relationship before. I'm not saying that I believe in open relationships, because I most definitely *do not*. Just that if two people are individuals when they come into a relationship, each with a life of their own, then that combination should be allowed (and encouraged) to continue - in support of the connection that they've made, not in spite of it.
• Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment? Sure. Mostly when I was living in 'violation' of it, though.
• When involved with a person, do you try to think about the here and now or do you often think of the future? I am more backward- than forward-looking in all things, so if anything I endlessly analyze what's gone before.
• How do you prefer to handle disagreements? Knifey-Spooney. WTF? By talking, of course, honestly. A good screaming argument can be very therapeutic sometimes, too.
• How do you feel when your mate is mad at you and won't tell you why? Unaccountably pissed and a little scared, I suppose.
• What's the longest period of time you've ever had a crush? 10 years before the kissin' happened. It lingered beyond there for a bit, too.
• Have you ever confessed your feelings to a crush? Sure. Sometimes it's a good thing (I married one of my crushes, after all). Sometimes it destroys a friendship, though.
• Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Depends on the likelihood of a positive resolution to the situation. I've been known to blog about crushes that no one in the corporeal world knew about.
• Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Sure. I got several text messages earlier this morning from one such person. Stupid arrogant asshole.
• Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Yes. It's not a prerequisite, but it happens.
• Would you get involved with someone if they were previously married? Rather hypocritical if I didn't, eh?
• How big of an issue is religion to your compatibility? It's a relatively important aspect, although not from the perspective from which it would be for some people.
• How big of an issue to you is your mate's ethnicity? Again, it would be hypocritical of me to imply that it's a deal-breaker, given that two of my Very Significant Formers were ethnically dissimilar from me. However, those experiences taught me that I am a very white girl, and as such, I have led a certain kind of life that may not be compatible with that led by a person of color. In all honesty, ethnic disparity is a potentially disruptive element in a relationship. I would think carefully before becoming seriously involved with someone with whom I differed a great deal in that (or any) regard.
• In a potential mate, how important is intelligence to you? Very. Perhaps primarily. That doesn't mean that I want a potential mate's IQ score before I will have a beer with him. It does mean that if he presents as if he holds intelligence (his own, mine, or intelligence in general) with a lack of regard, or even in contempt, I will not be attracted to him.
• In a potential mate, how important is a sense of humor to you? Vital. I am sarcastic and I love to laugh, and I think that having things like that in common is important in a relationship.
• What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Hearing The Cat talk about giggling children. Watching Fluffy & spouse together, in their well-attuned togetherness. My niece and her baby. Compliments to my writing. Making a cat purr. An unexpected encounter with a certain guy (or even just thinking about such a thing).
• What was your first kiss like? Out of control. I was more than ready to be kissin' at that point in my life, and once I got out of the gate, it was very clear to me what all the fuss was about. I loved it, and in many ways I've never looked back.
• What part of a person's body do you find most attractive? Depends totally on the person and the circumstances. The particular body that I'm thinking about at the moment has beautiful eyes ("bedroom blue"), but the part of him that I think about first is silly and personal - the crisp little blond curls on the back of his arms.
• What's the first thing you look at when you look at someone you're attracted to? Their wallet. No, seriously: their car. No, actually: their shoes. Duh? - whatever it is that attracted me!
• How important are the looks of a mate's face to you? Very. I have an expressive face, and I am always wanting to see the unsaid in the eyes of those I love.
• How important are the looks of a mate's body to you? Very. Compatibility comes in a variety of shapes and sizes, but it is an absolute - if it doesn't work, it's just *never* going to work. You can't learn to want someone.
• When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Probably the other, but I've been known to do that under the right circumstances. (There's a story involving Nick on this subject that is both sweet and fucking hilarious.)
• Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with? Hell yeah. It's been a while, though.
• Were you single at the time? Probably once or twice.
• What are your ticklish areas? I'm generally pretty ticklish.
• Have you ever turned down an offer for sex? Um, yes. Many times. Today, even.
• Would you stay with a lover if the love stopped but the sex was still enjoyable? No
• Do you believe in love? Strangely enough, I do.
• Do you believe in love at first sight? Not in so many words. It does have to start somewhere, though, and sometimes it starts pretty damned quickly.
• Has someone ever told you they loved you? Yes
• Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it? Yes
• Have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it? No. Some things are too important, too damning, too potentially hurtful, to take lightly. [There is a post coming soon on this general subject.]
• Have you ever been married? Yup
• If you're currently not married, do you foresee yourself ever tying the knot? Again ... maybe, maybe not. It's no longer vital to my understanding of truly serious relationships.
• Do you plan on having children someday? No
• Have you ever had your heart broken? Yes
• Have you ever been dumped? Yes
• Have you ever dumped someone? Yes, but it's been a very long time.
• Has a romantic companion ever made you cry? Oh, yeah.
• Have you ever made a romantic companion cry? Yes.
• Have you ever had an emotional pain so bad it made you sick or physically hurt? Yes
• Have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up? Sure. Most of them, I hope. I'm still sorting out the last one.
• Have you ever gotten back together with someone after breaking up? Yes, and it's taught me that I'm really not cut out for that shit.
• Do you believe there's hope for people after they get back together? Don't ask me about "hope" right now.
• Have you ever broken up with someone and remained friends afterward? Sure. A couple of my very very best friends are former interests of mine, and one is a very significant piece of my emotional puzzle.
• Have you ever broken up with someone and become bitter enemies? Nick and I probably shouldn't be alone together anytime soon.
• Have you ever broken up with someone and lost touch? Sure. Most often it's for the best.
• Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Yes
• Do you ever check up on old flames without actually contacting them? Sure. Who among us has never web searched for a former love?
• Have you ever longed to get back together with someone? Of course. Such is the plight of the dumped.

[snarfed from The Cat]