7.19.2008

in which she reveals Dickhead, in his glory

  1. Eaten a hot dog on a hamburger bun? All the time when I was younger. When I was little, my mom made homemade bread and rolls rather than buying them. She didn't bother forming hot dog buns, so when we had hot dogs we would cut them in half and plop them in a regular bun. No biggie - same dough, different shape.
  2. Had a conversation with a rockstar figure on a poster hanging in your room? No. I am not psychotic.
  3. Painted your fingernails ten different colors? No
  4. Made sand angels at the beach? No, but I've made snow angels many times.
  5. Pretended to "rock climb" up a tree? Uh, no.
  6. Worn two different colored eye shadows? Yes, but on the same lid (and the same two on the other lid), with intent to complement.
  7. Changed your handwriting, only to realize it was too hard to keep up? Yup. That's a very common thing in elementary school and junior high.
  8. Written with your left hand, even though you're right handed (or vice versa), for a school paper and turned it in? God, no. I was way too concerned about my grades to do something like that.
  9. Cut your own hair? Not that I remember.
  10. Sang an embarrassingly "uncool" song in public and gotten called on it? Only in groups (e.g. Happy Birthday)
  11. Had someone hand you a sticker on the street for no apparent reason? No
  12. Made up a nickname for someone that really stuck, and now that's all anyone calls him/her? That's how my college roommate "Dickhead" became "Dickhead."
  13. Written "r" when you really meant to write "s"? No. I'm sure I've written "5" when I meant "s", though.
  14. "Saved" an ant from your bath tub before you took a shower? I'm more likely to drown it intentionally. Ants creep me out.
  15. Captured a lizard to keep it as a pet? No
  16. Tried to nurse a baby squirrel/bird back to health after its mother was killed? Yup. There have been several dead bird pets in my family.
  17. Stroked your chin as if you had a really long beard? Yup. I was married for a very long time to someone who had a beard and did that ALL the time. It's an easy habit to adopt and hard to get rid of.
  18. Scratched your left forearm, even though it wasn't itchy, to avoid answering a question? I don't know. Probably? As a wise woman once said: we all do the same stupid shit.
  19. Pointed a banana at someone and yelled "Bang!"? Not since I was a child.
  20. Gotten an ingrown toenail? I've had surgery for ingrown toenails 10 times.
  21. Picked your nose in public? Not since I was too young to care.
  22. Sang to someone? Yes
  23. Sang along to Bohemian Rhapsody with someone? Yes
  24. Stopped watching American Idol when your favorite contestant got voted off? I have never watched that show.
  25. Pretended you had a bad connection when you wanted to get off the phone with someone? Sort of, but it was obviously a joke.
  26. Convinced someone you had a different name? No. God knows how many times that's happened to me, though. (JW, where art thou?)
  27. Worn a shirt that has a swear word on it? The aforementioned Dickhead made t-shirts as a personal fundraising device while we lived together. They were white and had black lettering with bright pink illustrations, and they showed some sort of bizarre sexual Zodiac. Very weird, very terrible, sort of funny.
  28. Stage dived? No
  29. Gotten a bruise on your butt? Yes. I also bruised my tailbone on New Years Eve c.1980 while roller-skating in the house (strictly verboten), when I tripped skating backward and bounced my ass off the front edge of the couch.I couldn't sit comfortably for a month.
  30. Made thousand island dressing with mayonnaise and ketchup? No. That's not thousand island dressing, and it sounds utterly revolting.
  31. Made a paper fortune teller? I was very prone to that sort of thing as a young girl.
  32. Tried to eat a piece of fake fruit? No. I am not that dumb.
  33. Taken a picture of a homeless person? No
  34. Laughed at your own joke and have no one else laugh at it? Yup
  35. Snorted soda up your nose? Up, out, in, all over. I'm a snort-y laugh-er.
  36. Whistled on a piece of grass? No
  37. Slid down a hill on a piece of cardboard? Yes. My siblings & I did that a *lot*.
  38. Tried to surf on your boogie board? I neither boogie nor surf.
  39. Kicked your cat, only to have it bite your bare foot? No. Why the fuck would I kick my cat?!
  40. Stuck all your fingers in hot wax and walked around the rest of the day with pretty smelling finger tips? No. Pain = bad.
  41. Dropped a piece of jewelry in the toilet and had to fish it out? No
  42. Told a dirty joke in front of your parents? No. I distinctly recall inadvertently using the word "bitch" when I was 13. I thought my mom was going to knock my face off my skull. Not a pleasant feeling. (I have come to realize that she left the room to laugh shortly thereafter.)
  43. Tried to braid your brother's hair? No. Big bro's never had braid-able length hair.
  44. Wiped your butt with poison ivy? No. So much about this is so very wrong.
  45. Eaten an entire bag of popcorn? Sure
  46. Played baseball with fruit that grows in your backyard? No
  47. Slipped and fallen on a wet patch on the ground, even though there's a "Caution Wet Floor" sign up? No
  48. Walked into the opposite sex's bathroom? Yup
  49. Breathed really heavily into a phone as your answering machine message? Jeez. No.
  50. Loved a survey as much as you loved this one? I have loved many, many things more than this. W-e-i-r-d.

[from The Cat]

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