thirty percent randomness

Held back!!    You know 57% absolutely useless information!!

You have been placed on academic probation. You have exhibited a little knowledge of useless information, but you'll never get top honors with a score like that. Study harder!!

Take The University of Useless Information Test at HelloQuizzy

I have no idea what this means.

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Unsolicited Surgery    You scored 66% port wine jelly, 73% vindication, 63% chin fuzz, 23 vacuums.

You are the Unsolicited Surgery. For some reason - let's call it a miscommunication between the patient and doctor - you come around and people leave with a DD-cup. When they went in for an appendectomy. And were male. Really. The most random shit happens when you're around, which explains why everyone is nervous around you. Even if the results are very funny, they're wondering what will happen to them.
SEEK: People with little care for their physical appearance. People whose parents always get them clothing two sizes too big. Anyone who would eat one of the non-food items mentioned in this test as a dare.
AVOID: Lawyers. The gravely ill.

Also, if you really can't contain yourself, you can read up on all 27 categories for the Non-Sequitur Personality Test right here...
Used Notepad
31% Chance of Rain
Incorrect Subtitles
Burnt Cereal
Obscured Roadsign
Ghost Town
Surprise Immolation
Watermelon Fight!
Human Dominoes
Snow Machine!
Glitterball
Worn Memorial Statue
Coffee Stain
*no signal*
Stomach Pump
Faulty Compass
Cracked Jelly Mould
Broken Magic 8-Ball
Empty Slushie Maker
Nudist Resort
The Kilt
Year-Old Easter Egg
Unfinished Porn Film
Leftover Egg Salad
Ceiling Footprint
Golf-Ball Sized Hail
Unsolicited Surgery

Take The Non-Sequitur Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

I have no idea what this means.

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Nailbat     

You scored 30% Totality, 60% Awesomeness, 30% Randomness, and 30% Conceptitude! 

Hey, that's pretty cool. Too bad if you don't like Final Fantasy VII though, because that would make you a living, walking vagina.

Take The Totally Awesome Random Concept Test at HelloQuizzy

I have no idea what this means.