get a cup of coffee--this could take a while

Childhood weirdness

• Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends? Real. Next door neighbors = twin girls my age and another daughter a year younger. The four of us spent the majority of our time together, year-round, from when they moved in (I was ~3) until I moved out (I was nearly 19).
• Did people consider you an odd child? My siblings thought I was an egghead--they still say I "always had my nose in a book," despite evidence to the contrary. I would guess that most other adults thought I was Very Good.
• Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old? No--and there's a valid psychological reason for that. Thank God. It's all a blur until I was a few years old, and then it's bits and pieces. Holidays and injuries.
• Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young? Not specifically. I was timid in "formal" settings, so there is some of that when I think back on school or church. Holidays were a blast, but overwhelming because there were so many people around. Some of it was just diffuse, "happy to be alive" stuff, though. Life was good when I was little.
• Were they intricate or simple thoughts? (It should now be obvious that I don't read these questions ahead.) Although I was capable of complex thought--family lore abounds regarding my tendency to ask unanswerable questions, i.e. "What was there before God?" (around age five)--I think I just usually rode my bike or hit a volleyball off the roof of the house rather than philosophizing with others.
• If you answered "intricate", give an example of one of those thoughts: See above.
• Were you dreams very vivid as a child? Oh, yeah. Always crazy dreams, and in color. Always shifting perspectives, too, from first- to third-person.
• What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood? One of the first times that we were left alone in the evening, my brother and sister had a "mustard fight" in the kitchen. I'm way younger than both of them and was not involved at all, but I do remember the yelling--and I still don't know what prompted them to throw mustard. Do consider that this was before the days of the plastic squeeze bottle.
• Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age? I was reasonably smart, got good grades, tested into a gifted program in grade school, stuck with music from 4th grade through graduation, took whatever art classes were available, and performed very well on standardized tests. I was that kid.
• What was the most "grown-up" thing you ever said as a child? Let's go with the "What was there before God" thing. I'm sure it would still make my parents twitch, even now.
• What were your favorite TV shows in early childhood? Captain Kangaroo taught me everything I needed to know with one phrase: Different people have different likes.
• Were you afraid of monsters? I was skittish of everything, and easily spooked, and highly suggestible. I wasn't a "monsters under the bed" kid--I slept just fine, thanks--but you could freak me by saying that you were going to tell ghost stories. You didn't even have to actually tell them.
• Did you believe that fictional characters were real? In a sense. I definitely thought that M*A*S*H was documentary. (My dad and I watched it religiously.)
• Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical? I had my moments of each. I ran around with the girls from next door all day, but when I needed to regroup, it needed to be by myself. I'm a classic introvert. In any case, I'm not "artistic."

Issues and US Stuff

• Do you eat meat? Yes, I do.
• If you do, what is your justification for it? I do not feel the need to justify it--or anything else--to anyone.
• If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be? "Legalize" is such an odd word. It implies that everything starts out in the vast pool of illegality, and we selectively pull out individual items that deserve to be legalized. It reminds me of "unsweet" tea, as if one removes the sweet from it.
• Do you believe in the death penalty? Yes, it exists. I believe it is a strong deterrent to people who choose to believe that it applies to them, and also a political tool.
• Did Mumia do it? In all likelihood, Mumia did something. Whether he did It or not...I am not qualified to judge.
• If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into? Leaning toward Canada. Reminds me a lot of home, even.
• What are your opinions of Michael Moore? Not fond, regardless of where I stand in agreement with his politics.
• Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization: I don't know anything about the science. The law...well, I've got a very good friend who's devoting his life to this very thing.
• What about gay marriage? It would be great to go a day where I never had to hear about happy people of any orientation. As long as no one is harmed in the process, I've no objection.
• Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right? Srsly? More important things to worry about. Or not.
• What television news coverage do you detest the most? I never, ever watch TV news. If I did--e.g. if a significant international event occurred on the scale of the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01--I would choose CNBC or BBC.
• What will you do if Bush is re-elected? There's nothing new under the sun.
• Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first? Voting for Texas (after Beast returns, please), but assuming California. If we get any advance warning, 'r' had better scamper back toward the East, or I'll be pissed.
• Who do you consider "American Heroes"? “I have no heroes. I can find bad in the good and good in the bad.” [David Broscious]

Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions

• Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? Explain: Nah, that's not how my brain works. If I take something apart, it's either to try to fix it, or just to destroy it.
• Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? This is ridiculous; who ever yells at the TV? It should be obvious that one is yelling at the other team, or the announcers, or the refs, or...get the picture?
• Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently: Never have. And it's "eBay."
• Are the Muppets sinister? Think about it: Look more closely into the children's media genre before you start throwing that word around. It gets much, MUCH worse than the Muppets. Trust me.
• Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis? Nah.
• Ever gotten into an "in person" argument with a total stranger? Honestly, the last time that I recall is in a bar, innocently talking to a guy, when a girl walked up and dumped her drink on me. Apparently the guy was "hers" and she resented my presence. Why is it always the other woman who's blamed? If you're pissed off at that situation, tug his leash.
• Sugar or Honey? Not a honey fan, though I finally bought some so that Heidi would stop hounding me when she's here.
• What's on your desk right now? What's not? From left:
  • 5 CDs needing labeling;
  • empty contact lens box (reminder to call eye doctor for appointment);
  • letter needing thoughtful reply;
  • 8 shotglasses;
  • 2 bills (due early April);
  • box of DVDs (hmm, where will I keep those?);
  • list of poems for April;
  • ordinary office supplies;
  • velvet mouse-hand wrist-rest (typically used to hold books open instead);
  • iPod AC adapter;
  • Cubs-signed baseball;
  • iPod speaker dock.
• How many e-mails do you receive a day? It varies. At least 10 (so far today). As many as 100 on a very bad day.
• Do you think that time travel is a possibility? If it weren't, we wouldn't be discussing it.
• Have you ever had a past life regression? Good God.
• Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys? Addicted? No. I like the stimulus and think it opens up my writing in certain ways, but it isn't necessary.
• San Francisco or New York City? Never been.
• Are you really a famous person undercover on [your blog]? Clearly.
• Are you really an alien spectator studying the human condition via [blogs]? Wow, that would be very boring and tunneled.
• What are your favorite color combinations? Black and blue.
• Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: Onion rings.
• Do you enjoy night or day better? Night.
• Favorite animal: Cat. The best of them embody the best of social behavior--and plus, they're furry.
• Have you ever been to a protest? Not quite intentionally.
• Aggravated a cop on purpose? Not in his role as a law enforcement official.
• Worst decision you ever made? Leaving.
• Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails? Eeew.
• Best invention of this century? Worst? Best = iPod. Worst = Tie: YouTube/Twitter.
• If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be? I would be an upper-class American or British male during WWII.
• Ever put your hand through a window? Not my hand, but my left knee/leg.
• List a few words you hate the sound of: "sneakers" "yeoman" "pocketbook"
• And a few you like the sound of: "memorable" "meringue" "periwinkle"

Emotions And Such

• Have you attempted suicide more than once? "Attempt" is a strong word. In any case: probably not.
• Cutting? No.
• Do you get violent when you are angry? Not lately. It seems to go in multi-year cycles. I notoriously threw an engagement ring (in box) several years ago, and then had a period of relative calm. A couple of years ago there were some shoe-throwing incidents. Since then, I'm content to deal with things verbally.
• Which emotion are you most consumed by? Good question! I suppose "all of them" isn't a good answer. Prehaps 'discontent.'
• Are you highly emotive? Sensitive, yes. "Emotive"? Not a word that I would use.
• Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself? There are a couple of people to whom I tell my troubles, and everything else. I don't think that I'm known, generally, for telling everything to everyone. At least, I hope not.
• Do you fall in love easily? "Love" and "easy" should never be used, in any form, together.
• What age/year was the most difficult for you? 1996.
• How do you channel your anger/sadness? I blog, eh?
• Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs? "While approximately 10 percent of the population suffers from alcoholism, the number jumps to almost 20 percent in the legal profession...." In 1991, "lawyers ranked No. 1 on the list of occupations that were most depressed." In other words, if I had, it might come naturally.
• Ever been homeless? No.
• List a few simple things that make you happy: reading, writing, driving fast, rainy nights, real mail.
• When were you most recently your happiest? Lunch with Cat & Beast. Awesome friends, funny waitress with strange social skills, good food, and nowhere to be for a couple of hours.
• Do you consider yourself empathetic? Yup.

Friends

• Describe your best friend as if you were describing a character from a film: There are a few of them, and they're very different, and entirely unlike fictional characters.
• Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other? Naturally. See above.
• List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: Patience, humor, intelligence, spirituality/religious beliefs (they don't share the same ones, but each has strong faith in something.)
• Do you keep in touch with friends from high school? Yes. That's one of the benefits--and drawbacks, honestly--of Facebook.
• Are they mostly local or long distance? I suppose they're local and I'm long distance. Most of them are still "back home." I'm the one who left.
• When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do? Depends which friends, and what's up. In other words, I've a variety of interests, as do my friends.
• Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend? Yes. It ain't pretty.
• If yes, are you still friends with that person? No.
• Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older? My very good friends are mostly either older or younger. Only my friends from home (i.e. from school) are my own age.
• Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you? I'm not that kind of snob. If I have a hard time making friends it's because I'm not terribly motivated, and I work in a MFing cave.
• Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups? Typically one on one, but group stuff is good sometimes. Usually best when the whole group shows up. The Mumbler could learn from this.
• Which of your online friends do you have the most in common with? The Cat, obviously. And D---, who is so much like me as to be my spiritual twin, except for his unaccountable taste for curry.

Family

• Are you close to your family? 258 miles, give or take.
• What traits are you glad you inherited from them? Clear blue eyes, a certain basic tolerance, love for music.
• Which traits are you pissed off you inherited from them? Height, chin, analytical focus.
• What sitcom does your family most remind you of? I would have answered this very differently at other times in my life. I don't know that there is one that comes close.
• Does your family live locally or far away? They're local, except for the one that chose to leave a long time ago.
• Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family? She stopped, and I've kept up the tradition.
• Have either of your parents died? No.
• Is your family very much like you or are you opposites? Yes, pretty much the same. I'm the outlier in some ways--education, career, personal attachments, location--but elementally we're the same.
• How many siblings do you have? Still just the two.
• Has your family ever thrown food at each other? How weird: as far as I know, only the mustard.
• Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy? meh. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and it somehow encompasses both of those. (The nightmare part is all on me, though.)
• Do you look like your parents? Yes. There's no doubting where I come from.
• List one interesting fact about your family: apart from one German twig, my entire family tree is Norwegian and English.

Lovers

• Gay, Straight, Bisexual or no idea? Straight. ("No idea"???)
• Married/partnered? Not for a while.
• Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with? Not for a while. hee
• Ever broken someone's heart? Yes, though I didn't set out to do it.
• How many serious relationships have you had? Depends on your definitions of "serious" and "relationship." And, I suppose, "had."
• Do you believe in monogamy? I've heard rumors of its existence, but like a kangaroo, I've yet to encounter it in the wild.
• Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn't have? I wouldn't have categorized it as "lusting," but, sure.
• Do you believe in the theory of soulmates? meh.
• Ever cheated? Yup.
• Been cheated on? Let me count the ways.
• Thrown someone's stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.? How deliciously trashy! No, I have not.
• Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.? ROFL. I so wish.
• Most important emotional qualities of a lover? Tolerance, confidence, integrity, passion.
• Most important physical qualities? I do not have a 'type'--or, if I do, it is not appearance-based.

Food & Drink

• Non-alcoholic beverage of choice: Coke
• Alcoholic beverage of choice: Molson Canadian or Blue Moon, or Bacardi-lemonade
• Foods you crave on a regular basis: It varies, and rarely reaches the point that constitutes "craving." Sometimes salty (sour cream & onion potato chips sound fabulous right now, for instance), sometimes sweet (chocolate pudding earlier this week), sometimes savory (pork chops have been running through the back of my mind lately). Almost never sour.
• Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus? Salsa = always good. Hummus reminds me of a past life.
• Meat or Tofu? Meat. Tofu is just wrong.
• Soup or Salad? Not a big salad fan, but now and then it's amazing. Soup is a staple; I make it once a week.
• Soda or Juice? Yes.
• Can I get you anything else? Those half-Ritz cracker, half-pretzel things are weird but good.
• What's your problem? I have several. How about 'indecision'?
• Favorite candy: Milky Way.
• Favorite food to make: Chicken Fricassee
• Food brand that you hate? "Juicy Juice"--the name, not the product (which I've never tried)--makes me want to hurl.
• Do you try to buy all organic? Do I look like a gazillionaire?
• Favorite quick food? Snickers.

Would You Rather...

• Eat a steak or a whole tube of toothpaste? I've taken a lot of quizzes, filled out a lot of surveys, answered a lot of questions, and I think this one is the top of the Stupid pile. Steak = food. Toothpaste = toxic in even small amounts. "Would you rather eat food or poison?" Um, I'll go with food.
• Be covered in papercuts or cigarette burns? Paper cuts, of course. Pretty much like I already am, some days.
• Be perceived as intelligent or street-smart (but not both)? Perceive me as you will, at your peril.
• Eat a bottle cap or a spider the size of a bottle cap? Plastic or metal? I'll take the cap.
• Be ruled exclusively by your heart or your mind? Heart, of course. Mary McCarthy I am not. (“I would rather end the day having had one clear thought than one strong feeling.” [from Memories of a Catholic Girlhood])
• Have the power to read minds or make anyone fall in love with you? Read minds--assuming that such powers go both ways, God forbid some freak could "make me" fall in love with him.
• Chew shards of broken glass or sit on a lighted barbeque grill? I wouldn't be sitting there for long.
• Not be able to tell the time or not know left from right? Time is relative anyway.
• Be able to fly or be able to render yourself invisible? Invisibility would be fantastic!
• Eat 15 feet of aluminum foil or swallow 3 steel guitar strings? Whoever came up with these questions needs some serious psychological intervention.
• Have questionable integrity or no sense of humor? Integrity. At least I'd be able to laugh about it. (Why am I picturing GoodFellas?)
• Always spit when you talk or always be spit on while spoken to? Spit-er, not -ee, thanks.
• Granted the answers to any 3 questions or ability to resurrect one person? Answers. It might not even take three.

Final Questions

• Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial? Pretty much all of them.
• Ever yelled at an SUV? Any driver can feel my wrath.
• A Hummer? OK, Hummers more than others....
• Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere? My propensity for migraines was once used by someone else to get us (as a unit) out of a social obligation. It's not something that I will do, because I think that Karma's a bitch.
• Horror film that freaked you out the most? I don't care how lame this is: April Fool's Day gave me goose bumps for a day and a half.
• Horror film that is so scary, you could not be paid to watch it again: El Orphanato was not "scary" but I wouldn't choose to watch it again. Neither Hannibal Rising.
• Bambi or Nemo? meh
• List 3 things that are worrying you right now: money; parents; work
• Are you sick of this survey yet? I'm fairly certain that no one will have read to this point, so I'm sort of wondering why I persist.
• It's too fucking long, right? Yeah. Way.
• Well, I'm just trying to help you pass the time: Time passes whether I'm blogging or not.
• How long have you [had a blog]? This one's been in relatively continuous production since January 2, 2004.
• Do you find it to be a fulfilling experience? More often than not, yes.
• Describe the last dream you had: I was eating tea & toast and watching a movie, curled up on the couch with someone I haven't seen for a couple of months. Thinking about it makes me sad.
• Ever brought a lawsuit against a company? Class Action only.
• Ever sang at a Karaoke bar? Never.
• What was the worst concert you ever went to? Incubus was good, but the weather was wretched (hotter than Hell) and the people around us were drunk and not there for the music.
• The best? Depeche Mode. Most fun I've ever had in a big crowd.
• Do you think you'll ever have children if you don't already? Let's consult the Magic 8 Ball: "Outlook not so good."
• Do you think there is life on other planets? I don't think about it, as a rule, and what I think has no effect anyway.
• Have you ever saved a dying animal? Like, nursed something back to health? Not hardly.
• Most disgusting thing you have ever "found" in your food: Beaks & toes (i.e. that unexplainable tough/rubbery nonsense) in hot dogs or chicken nuggets.
• Have you ever broken a leg or arm? No, but another bone, connected.
• Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: Depends. It's a gorgeous day, and I've wasted half of it sitting here typing.
• Do people make their own reality? Is there one true reality? Discuss. Please do shut up. Someone I know overuses the word "reality" to the point that I no longer know, or care, what it means.
• David Letterman or Jay Leno? If I can be troubled to watch (which I so rarely am): definitely Dave.
• Last words? "Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge. Others merely gargle."

[PSYCH!]

• What’s the worst food you’ve ever tasted? "Chinese casserole"
• What do you wish your name meant? "Ninja"
• What’s your favorite word? That's a tie between "fuck" (and all its derivations) and "reasonable"--at least in terms of frequency of use.
• What are three things you hope to do before you die? Use my passport (really, how hard would that be?!); undo and redo with Johnnie, and publish.
• What are three things you hope to do after you die? I've got nothing for this.
• What are you most afraid of? arriving too early or staying too late.
• If you found yourself in Mystic Fluffy Bunny Land, and you had to become a door-to-door salesperson to survive, what would you sell? Test prep.
• What's the strangest thing you've seen today? Landlords, being landlords.
• Who's your favorite person? It varies.
• What do you think would be the most horrible way to die? Asphyxiation.
• Fries or salad? Fries. No question.
• Toast or muffin? Toast.
• Rap or country? Country.
• Football or hockey? Football.
• Gold or silver? Silver. Gold looks cheap on me.
• Who do you miss most? Doesn't much matter, does it? "Missed" means gone, and in this case, intentionally.
• Vacation to where? Miami.
• Cremated or buried? Wait 'til I die, please, and then do whatever you wish.
• Worst show on TV? Anything "reality"-based, especially the dating ones.
• Show you don't like to admit you watch? I've seen the last few episodes of Mercy on NBC. That is one terrible television show.
• Last person that made you crack up laughing? Beast and Cat.
• Are you hungry? No, which is odd since I haven't eaten since breakfast (8+ hours ago)
• Who's the most annoying person you know? Besides 1450 of my Facebook "friends"? One of my coworkers manages to irritate me pretty much every time we're in the same room.
• What are you doing tomorrow? Work. If the weather's decent, I'll leave at lunch (trust me, this is news) and go to the jewelry store, seeking backs for a pair of gorgeous earrings that I haven't been able to wear for fear of losing them.
• Are you glad this is survey over? I'm not the only one.

[from The Cat, who got it here]