why not spend some time determining what is worthwhile for us, and then go after that?

    Two good friends of mine, who do not know each other in any way, asked me in completely different ways during the past couple of days, "What attributes comprise your ideal man?" The conversation with one - my female landlord - was very lighthearted and my response took that tone. I said that my ideal man would be one who lived nearby (perhaps even in the same building) but not with me. He would be completely silent; we decided that deaf-muteness was the best way to accomplish that goal. He would also be a workaholic, meaning that he would almost never be home, but that when he was, he would be polite and extraordinarily generous. And hot. And maybe a [selective] nudist.

    I'm not sure if she was thinking of my former neighbor, the one who caught me taking "surveillance photos" on behalf of The Cat, but I definitely was!

    The other questioner was totally serious, so I suppose that I should be, too, even though this is probably the most difficult question that I could try to answer. I do not want this. Still, for the sake of argument, if I could build the perfect guy, he'd be like this, for a start:

• Unafraid to look me in the eye
• Not much into accumulating stuff, and relatively gentle with my occasional extreme-disposition mode (i.e. chucking everything I find that's not nailed down)
• Comfortable with travel in various ways
• At least reasonably tolerant of my tendency toward "eco-warrior" behavior (i.e. not like my family of origin, who've taken to calling me "the recycle cop"; but really, if it's going into a bin anyway, why not put it into the recycling bin rather than the garbage bin?!)
• Able to turn off the stuff and really be there - more real world than fantasy
• A fan of music, or books, or movies. Not necessarily the same ones that I like (though some overlap would be good!), but just...an appreciator.
• Never falling short of standing up for me, almost to the point of being protective or a throw-back in this regard
• My tattoos are such a big deal for me, they have to be a good, big thing for my ideal mate, too. Maybe they wouldn't have the same degree of meaning (how could they?) but he would get the point, that they have meaning to me, that having them done was a big deal, and that they're really for me (and the few people who will ever see them all), not for non-specific 'attention'. And maybe it's odd, but I'm on the fence about tattoos on a guy.
• An absolute adoration of kissing is nonnegotiable. (More about this in another post within the next week or so.)
• Must be independent and comfortable with my degree of independence
• Sharp, but book-smart isn't necessarily required; each of us having our own thing is a good thing
• More "guy" than "man"--and definitely almost no "boy". Are we still clear on the differences? I'll try to explain again if needed.
• He should have a "guy hobby", something to balance when I'm doing stuff on my own. Car? Motorcycle? Running? Something he'll want to do that I'll definitely not want to do, too.
• Unfussy. Metrosexuals need not apply.
• Confident to the point of arrogant, even at the cost of being kind of a dick at times, rather than veering in the direction of excessive sensitivity
• Faithful
• Funny, though not necessarily comedic. And clever (required for getting my humor and half the rest of the shit I say). And not overly prone to quoting movie lines, at least not without attribution.
• Has what it takes to make me reckless in some way that really matters, whether or not it's acted upon
• The one thing upon which I will not compromise is that he's got to be in love with me, too

[title quotation by William Ross]