pleasure is the bait of sin

1. What is the most perverted thing someone has ever said to you?
   today? Oh, 'ever'. Hmm. I think that's probably unrepeatable.
2. When was the last time you were touched emotionally?
   today. A friend needed a favor with which I was happy to help, and her gratitude was heartfelt and lovely.
3. What was the last magazine you read?
   surely something at work - borrring!
4. Do you like cocker spaniels?
   not so much. Dumb as dirt.
5. Do you like being out in the rain?
   I LOVE rain!
6. Do you have a secret crush on anyone?
   yes
7. Do you suffer from eczema?
   no
8. What period do you find most interesting, Victorian or medieval?
   "Most" of two is "More", actually, not "Most." That being said, I'll go with Victorian. I like harpsichords.
9. If you were going to a fancy dress party tomorrow, what would you wear?
   The Ready for Anything Coat Dress from J.Peterman. I'm assuming that anything "fancy dress" to which I would be invited wouldn't be formal, just "nice", and that this would fit the bill. It's gorgeous. The color isn't quite right for me, but I love the cut, so I don't really care.
10. Who do you email the most?
    my gay boyfriend
11. Don't you think that lemon flavoured toothpaste sounds disgusting?
    it sounds great. I'd try it in a minute.
12. Who was the last person who cooked for you?
    Mom. Lasagna for dinner. It was delicious.
13. Do you like bad boys?
    yes, I do. Far too much, in fact. Achilles' heel....
14. Have you ever worn a crown or a tiara?
    not with serious intent. I do have a lovely photo of The Mumbler wearing my tiara, though.
15. What's your favourite flavour of Pringles?
    standard. I prefer the Lay's version of those little pressed snacks, though (called Stax), but I could easily eat a can of either in one sitting. Yum!
16. Who was the last person you couldn't stop thinking about?
    that doesn't much matter at the moment
17. Do you bite your fingernails?
    nope
18. What is something you do when you're alone?
    read
19. How many drinks does it usually take for you to get drunk?
    depends what I'm drinking, and who's pouring. The Beast, for instance, could knock me out with one.
20. What were you doing at 4 PM yesterday?
    working
21. Have you ever tried to climb something but fell off?
    sure - welcome to my childhood
22. Have you ever tripped in public whilst alone?
    yep
23. If so what did you do?
    probably glanced around to see if anyone was watching, and tried to pretend it hadn't happened
24. Do you resemble anyone famous?
    quite so
25. What brand is your hairdryer?
    do I own one?
26. Would you date a guy shorter than you?
    would. Have. It's neither a requirement nor a sticking point.
27. Could you live without sex?
    probably not, if historic trends hold. Mysterious, that.
28. Do you like babies?
    meh. I like some people who have been babies.
29. Do you dog-ear pages of a book or use a bookmark?
    NEVER dog-ear. {{{shudder}}} That's why people hand out business cards!
30. Name three things that are on your bedroom floor:
    heaps of packed boxes, a lavender-scented eye pillow, and a flashlight
31. What was the last thing you dreamed about?
    children in the witness protection program and their experience with Flat Stanley. Don't ask me...
32. Who makes you laugh the most?
    hmm. Good question.
33. Are you stubborn?
    yes, I am
34. Would you rather be a Goddess or a Princess?
    a goddess, I suppose. Princesses don't have to work at it; it's just given to them. Goddesses have earned it, and keep earning it.
35. What scent is your deodorant?
    a surprisingly non-cloying powder
36. Name three people you dislike:
    and render them searchable on my blog? Are you fookin cracked?!
37. Do you believe in past lives?
    only in the sense of "in my past life I drove a racecar, because I can't get out of the habit of trying to shift into overdrive on the tollway."
38. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be?
    Hitler. OK, choke back your fury--I just think he earned some punishment, that's all.
39. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube?
    the extraordinarily Not Safe For Work - and hilarious - "I Just Had Sex"
40. Do you actually pass on chain letters?
    actually, no
41. Can you wiggle your ears?
    no, but my mom can
42. Do you like your voice?
    sometimes. It has a certain sultriness that can be pleasing in small quantities, under the right circumstances.
43. Can you do any good impressions/voices?
    vaguely
44. Are you scared of horses?
    yes. There was an incident at a county fair. I can't say more.
45. What is your favourite weekday?
    favorite...weekday?
46. What two specific colours best reflect your personality?
    black & blue
47. Does it annoy you that some people don't like others because they are vegetarians?
    no. There are vegetarians that I don't like, because they are vegetarians. (There are also vegetarians for whom I would give up vital organs. So there.)
48. What do you think you take for granted?
    loyalty
49. Do you think sex is an important part of a relationship?
    intimate relationships, definitely. People who think that a marriage, for instance, should weather periods without sex (willfully, not by necessity) are deceiving themselves and robbing their union. Not that I have strong feelings about this.
50. Are you taller than your mum?
    yes, by a few inches.
51. Who is the youngest person in your family?
    My niece's baby is only 2 months.
52. Do you have a close relationship with your Dad?
    definitely
53. Do you know anyone who is dying?
    yes
54. What do you think you look like without make up?
    me, ver. "pale"
55. What was the last newspaper you read?
    the local
    
56. Who was your most memorable teacher?
    Seymour
57. Would you ever experiment with an Ouija board?
    have done. Didn't find it terribly amusing/enlightening/frightening
58. Who was the last person you hung up on?
    Johnnie
59. What physical feature do you get complimented on?
    if it's repeatable, it's probably my eyes

***

1. Are there any songs on your iPod that you don't like anymore, but don't want to delete because of the memories attached to them?
   there are some songs that I will skip if they show up on Shuffle, but that I can't seem to delete for whatever reason
2. Who's your favorite character on the last TV show you watched?
   Jimmy Palmer
3. What's the most adorable thing you've seen recently?
   a text wishing me goodnight a couple of days ago
4. Black and white or sepia?
   B&W, though I have a couple of tricked-up sepia photos of my ex-cats that are painfully sweet
5. How do you feel about the song "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer?
   I'm not a big fan
6. Are your subscriptions ordered by the date you subscribed to them, by the date they last updated, or alphabetically?
   alpha
7. Tell me something silly you believed when you were a little kid:
   toads are baby frogs
8. When you have to solve an algebraic equation, do you use X, N, or some other letter?
   solve for X
9. Assuming you know what The Game is, who taught you the rules?
   it just seems like I've always known; must've been friends
10. Have you ever had a guitar solo stuck in your head?
    not likely
11. Do you know anybody who owns a grandfather clock?
    yes
12. What was the last thing you drew on MS Paint?
    I don't think I've ever drawn on MS Paint
13. How old were you when you joined your first social networking site?
    34, give or take
14. Do you ever save any of your AIM or MSN chats?
    only in the program (though I retrieved some of my OkCupid chats when I deleted my profile - it seemed like a good idea at the time)
15. What's your favorite vowel?
    O
16. When was the last time you had a headache?
    weekend
17. Are mashed potatoes better lumpy or smooth?
    some lumps are necessary in order for them to seem real
18. Have you ever been to FailBlog.org? What did you think of it?
    I don't think so? It sounds like something one of my colleagues would recommend as a time-waster, which is a turn-off for me.
19. Does it bother you when survey makers separate questions that could've been combined?
    "bother" is a stronger word for it than necessary, but it definitely doesn't lend itself to making me want to do their surveys
20. Have you ever eaten a chocolate covered coffee bean?
    yep - I suck the chocolate off and expectorate the bean!

***

1. Last time you had sex?
   ...was spectacular, thanks
2. How do you keep your hair "down there"?
   through sheer force of will
3. Ever have sex outside of a relationship?
   once or twice
4. Most embarrassing period story you have to tell?
   ...is obviously not meant for mixed company
5. Favorite sexual act?
   ...depends on the circumstances and would probably vary with the company
6. Ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
   me?! Are you kidding?!
7. Do you like/love anyone right now?
   I do, indeed, like, love anyone. Right now.
8. Spit or swallow?
   ...reminds me of a story of a guy I knew in college, a shy and gentle intellectual in most ways, who had "spucken oder schlucken? - das ist die Frage" carved into the headboard of his bed. Charming fellow.
9. If someone paid you to have sex with them, would you do it? What if it was for a million dollars?
   that depends much on the identity of the "someone." If it was someone I already wanted to have sex with, I might do it for free. Of course, if I wanted a million dollars and I was on the fence about the sex, I'm not entirely stupid about money, either.
10. Ever did something sexual while under the influence?
    uh, yeah. Welcome to my college years.
11. If a taken person pursued you and you were interested, would you do anything with them?
    first, define "taken", "pursue", "interested" and "do"
12. Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
    of course
13. What's your cup size?
    venti
14. Do you have any self-esteem issues?
    don't we all?
15. Last time you cried, and why?
    a couple of days ago, while reading a book
16. Are you on any medications? What kind?
    yes - migraine prevention, migraine treatment, and allergy treatment
17. What method of birth control do you use?
    my favorite answer to this question, given by a female coworker on a form at the university's health service, was "I only have sex with women." 'Cause, like, sometimes it's a really stupid way of asking what you want to know.
18. Ever tried drugs or alcohol?
    once or twice
19. Ever drove drunk?
    yep
20. Ever did anything sexual at work?
    not exactly
21. Ever met someone from the Internet? How did it go?
    that makes it sound like he was a martian. It went fine...ish. There was a lot more to it than "meeting", randomly, though.
22. Ever have an online significant other?
    not exactly
23. Is there a secret you're hiding from everyone?
    yes
24. Ever been to a therapist?
    yes - it was one of the best things I ever did
25. Worst break-up you ever had?
    ...was one of the worst times of my life, not really blog quiz-fodder
26. Are there any friends you have that you secretly despise?
    nah, I'm not masochistic that way anymore
27. Ever gave someone a lapdance?
    HA, no
28. Ever liked two people at one time?
    sure
29. Is there someone you're lying to at the moment?
    no, I'm alone
30. Would you sleep with your boss to get a raise or a promotion?
    Not. Bloody. Likely.
31. Do you plan on going to college?
    not again, thanks
32. How many kids do you want in the future?
    unless they're inherited, I'll stick with what I've got
33. What age do you want to get married at, if at all?
    no expectations in that realm
34. Will you take your partner’s last name, have them take yours, or just both keep your last names? Maybe combine them?
    maybe make up something completely different
35. Would you use an online dating site to find a partner?
    doubtful
36. Ever been engaged?
    yes, briefly
37. Ever been called a bad kisser?
    only by the one I married (and, by implication, by the animal-brained lawyer)
38. What color eyes did the last person you kissed have?
    brown
39. Is waiting for marriage to have sex a good idea to you?
    no, it's a terrible idea for anyone
40. Ever dropped someone's toothbrush in the toilet and didn't tell them?
    I would never drop someone's anything in the toilet and not tell them!
41. Ever heard/walked in on your parents having sex?
    {{{shudder}}} NO
42. If you had a hot cousin, would you have sexual relations with them?
    no, never, ugh
43. Ever fall for someone who was only supposed to be your friend with benefits?
    no, but I can easily imagine it happening
44. Ever had a friend with benefits?
    yes, I suppose, before it was called that.
    (When I read The Cat's version, I seriously thought this question read "friend with batteries". That made her answer ["Yes, he's called my husband"] unbearably funny.)
45. Opinion on casual sex?
    whatever gets you through the day...

[I caught this, in über-hilarious form, from The Cat, who got it here; title quotation by Plato]