you are forced to tell or to write about the things you have most at heart

• Have you ever lost a friend after he/she got married?
  not exactly. I've lived through lots of friendships, though, and lots of marriages, and relationships come to an end for all sorts of reasons, whether acknowledged or not. At least two relationships ended specifically because of my own marriage (thank you very much). In my own case, I would say it's been more common for friendships to have radically changed because of a marriage. When somebody moves away, or the dynamic of the relationship is altered in some other significant manner, it would be unlikely for the friendship to remain the same--unless it was not all that important, all along.
• Do you make friends easily?
  I do not. Although I treasure and am fiercely loyal to the friends that I have, the last thing that I need is to dilute their ranks with more demands on my time and energy. My reserves of affection might be endless, but my stockpile of enthusiasm and willingness to share it are not.
• Do you have many close friends?
  not really
• Tell us about your oldest friend.
  she is smarter than she believes herself to be, far more outgoing than I am, a mother of three (but very much not a "mommy"), sophisticated without being the least bit arrogant, possessed of a terrific silliness, and an absolutely lovely person
• Tell us about your newest friend.
  she is blooming before my eyes, coming out of her shyness into a warm, caring, and faithful adulthood that's a joy to see. She's a mix of wild child and wise, old spirit in the guise of a quiet observer. She has a wicked sense of humor and an eye for the beautiful amidst the real.
• Do you hang out with your friends often, or just occasionally when you can find time?
  I almost never hang out with my friends. When I do, it is with intention. That's not an affectation, but both a product of my introversion and also an attempt to be more 'conscious' in how I spend my time. Time with the people you care about shouldn't be wasted by failing to pay attention.
• What's the worst or most hurtful thing that a friend (or an ex-friend) has done to you?
  there are all sorts of bad things and hurts and blame and faults in that water under the bridge. Focusing on it, rehashing it, reclaiming it--all that won't change anything. What's the point?
• What's the furthest you've traveled to visit (or vacation with, etc.) a friend?
  in legitimate answer to this question (rather than spending time "by accident" with friends while traveling): about 800 miles. I spent some time in Oklahoma a couple of years ago--thank God!
• What's the biggest or best thing a friend has ever done for you?
  um, that open door in Oklahoma counts, for sure. She probably saved my life. We'll call that the biggest. It's certainly a tie with the person who gave me a home for three months when I really, really needed one. It was more than a place to sleep and to keep my stuff, temporarily. It was a home, and a family, and I wouldn't have made it through that time at all without it.
  
  The best? There are obvious financial answers that I could give. There are also some not-safe-for-work, flippant responses that would fit here. But if I'm telling true, it's my friends, each being the friend that they're capable of. Inviting me to family dinners (and to stay for the weekend, or longer), because you've made me part of the family. Sitting with me while I get tattoos. Sitting next to me on the couch with your own book, reading together but not needing to talk. Texting or emailing or (gasp!) calling when I've been silent for too long--whatever "too long" means to you & me. Always having a supply of Coke in the fridge and tissues and a just-in-case spot for me to sleep. Letting me borrow your cat(s) for snuggling. Armless hugs.

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by William Hamilton Gibson]