I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dude's eye and shoot him with my ole forty-five

1. How did you meet your best friend?
   one of them was a classmate in a couple of my major classes in the first quarter of our first year of college. We were both "townies" living at home, fairly quiet (which is a funny way to describe us now), and without much research it was determined that we're basically the same kind of weird. I often ate Pop-Tarts during class that term, or grapes from margarine containers, and would flop hanks of my long, curly hair over the top of my head down onto my forehead to check for split ends. During class. She was a better student than I, but woefully easily distracted. I could convince her to skip class with just one poke to the forehead, and off we'd go to the Happy Chef, for chili-n-sticks or cinnamon rolls the size of our heads. Those really were the days.
2. Mother Winters used to say she loved all us kids equally, but at various times she liked one of us more than the others. Does your "friend ranking" ever shift? Or is the person you think of today as your best friend always #1?
   sure, the rankings sometimes shift. That's what makes it fun, I think. One person's particulars start to wear on you, so you spend more time with someone else, and then the first person's absence becomes less welcome. It's part of being a grown-up.
3. What makes you a good friend?
   good question, and one better asked of the recipients than the donor, I'd say
4. Think back to your childhood--what games did you and your friends like to play?
   I lived in the country. We played outside all day, every day, year around. If four girls could contrive a way to play it, we'd play it.
5. Would you rather lose your hair, or the little toe on your left foot? (Yes, you must commit to giving one up.)
   I'm pretty fond of that little toe, and it serves a purpose: Toes are necessary for balance! Take the hair, which is rather a pain in the ass a lot of the time anyway.
6. Think of the phrase, "like nails on a blackboard." What is your least favorite sound?
   one of my coworkers has a mindless, throat-clearing cough that I can only describe as "whiny". If I never heard that sound again, it would be too soon.
   Oh, but wait! Now I've got a better one. My %^&;*!# neighbor (who really ought not be described with that 'n' word) just moved his vehicle from outside of his garage to the inside. It is a process that, for a normal person, would be nearly silent and would take less than a minute. This impossibly rude prick went outside, got into the SUV, turned on the stereo FULL BLAST, blaring music so loudly that it was at an uncomfortable level inside my apartment with the windows closed, played the music until the song was over, then started the engine on the SUV, waited until a new song started (still at full volume, of course!), backed the vehicle into the garage (so that the noise was not only coming in through the crappy windows here, but also Up Through The Floor), let it play until the song was nearly but not quite over, and then shut it off. And then closed his garage door, and pounded his way up the stairs again, as if there is some sort of Olympic medal for foot stomping.
   THAT is the most annoying sound EVER.
7. Do you add fabric softener to your wash or place a softener sheet in the dryer?
   liquid, in the wash
8. Showtime, HBO, or neither?
   neither. If I could afford pay-TV, I'd be living someplace far from these inconceivably rude people, for whom torture and...yeah, no--no premium channels.
9. Have you ever fired a gun?
   I have, indeed

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Hank Williams, Jr.]