only vegetables are happy

Early on Sunday, my left ear started to feel funny, but only when my head was straight up and down. When I would tilt it even a few degrees, the sensation would go away. It felt hot inside, and pressurized, as if there were fluid deep inside. I immediately set to drinking extra fluids and took my temperature a few times, to see if there was fever (evidence of infection), but the results were normal. I did notice that the pollen counts were extraordinarily high in this area (literally the highest that have ever been counted), so it would be understandable if my allergies were just ramping up for the season, though I've never before had ear symptoms from my regular seasonal allergies. As soon as possible on Monday, I made an appointment to see my doctor regarding the possibility of an ear infection. I didn't want it to go on too long (the sensation was really pretty bothersome) and other circumstances created an urgency as well.

The earliest available appointment was this afternoon. As almost always happens, I was seen very shortly after I arrived, and my doctor was genuinely happy to see me, and considerate and approachable. He looked in my ears and poked around at my face briefly before declaring that there is no infection in my ears at all. The problem is my jaw. I have the beginnings of TMJ, which more accurately called TMD: Temporomandibular Joint Disorder. The muscle at the joint of my jaw is clenched to the extent that it is swollen up toward my ear, forcing my ear canal closed toward the middle, both giving the sensation of a narrower pathway and also trapping some air and ear goo that would normally more easily pass. This is not the worst of my symptoms, but it is the one for which I shall be grateful, because it drew my attention to the problem at hand.

My doctor sat back and looked me in the eye. "Are you stressed?"

I laughed.

"All right.... What is particularly stressful in your life right now?"

I stopped myself from snickering, because it wasn't actually funny and I needed to actually help him to help me. But it was yet another unanswerable question, really, because there is so little about my life that is not stressful that it seemed it might be easier to answer his question in the reverse. I took a deep breath and explained the main issue, which really has two parts, neither of which I'm ready to make even vaguely blog-public yet. But trust me, they're serious.

And then he took a deep breath and said, "All right. Well. Try not to let it bother you." And then he laughed. And he closed that thought with, "And try to [make a huge life change]."

So, it's doctor's orders, then. I'm to relax, and take over-the-counter medications as needed, and get some exercise when I can, and also [change my life]. I can do that!

I nearly forgot the best part: I've lost nine pounds since last I visited my doctor's office. Apparently the TMD diet works.

[the title quotation is by William Faulkner, and reads in its entirety: "People need trouble--a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."]