I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?
   vanilla or citrus
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
   meh. I'm not much on celebrities, particularly of the female ilk, and I'm not seeking more family. In a pinch, I'd say Parker Posey.
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
   Miguel Almaguer
4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?
   this is obviously a trick question
5. Do you know a hoarder?
   not in the usual sense of the word, no
6. Can you do a split?
   nope, but I'm still reasonably flexible. A guy I barely know calls me Pretzel for this very reason. (Keep your mind out of the gutter, please - it's an adorable little compliment.)
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
   somewhere south of five, which I recall because my loving siblings removed my training wheels as a "gift" for my fifth birthday
8. How many oceans have you swam in?
   one
9. How many countries have you been to?
   just the one
10. Is anyone in your family in the military?
    not currently active, but a few have served
11. Have you named any of your body parts?
    yeeessss, in the sense of, like, "nose" and "elbow"
12. If you had a child today, what would you name him/her?
    Alpha Omega or Miraculous Surprise
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?
    I seem to recall a 37 in somewhere in the first year of law school. People who think my academic career has been nothing but glad days and sunshine are sorely mistaken.
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
    overall, Looney Toons on Saturday mornings probably saw the whites of my eyes more than any other
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
    heaven only knows. It's been a while, eh?
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
    no, since I'm over the age of 12. (Yes, snark intended.)
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
    I'll keep the one I've got
18. Did your mother go to college?
    she did not
19. Are your grandparents still married?
    if they ever were, I suppose they still remain
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?
    nope, but I'd love to. They're very expensive around here.
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
    we're acquainted, yes
22. What was the first amusement park you’ve been to?
    Opryland, in Nashville
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?
    depends which rights and responsibilities come with it
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?
    with an 'a'
25. Is your father bald?
    he is, yes

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Benjamin Franklin]