the lust gusting through me

       My theory was that though others claimed they experienced emo-
tions, in truth what they were speaking of were suppositions, theo-
ries, unconsidered traditions of response and retelling.
       I believed emotions were actually sensations and perceptions
muddled with mental projections, illusions in everything but name.
       The flow of inner representations assumed forms that without re-
flection might be considered "emotions," but in fact the whole thing
was merely convention.
       Even the lust gusting through me, my love of love, my frustration,
disappointment, dejection, I deemed mere intellection.
       So close to desperation, kept afloat by speculations like this, I'd
put them through their paces, or--and maybe I even knew it--they
mine.

[C.K. Williams, 'Youth, Sorrow, System' from All At Once]

---

"Well, some things never change
Tell me why do these words ring home?"

["Heartbreak a Stranger" by Bob Mould, from Workbook]
I'm putting together a post--I'm thinking it'll be a series, but who knows--of the soundtrack of my life (so far). This is one of the songs that didn't make the list, but is pretty close to one that has.

---

Airport shootings. Airport malfunctions. Earthquakes. Now wildfires, 42 miles from the rental house. Is this California thing happening, or isn't it? Nine days....

---

I have massage and haircut/color appointments tomorrow afternoon. It should be relaxing, but at this point I'm rather dreading it, because if the last few days are any indication, I'm too keyed-up to really enjoy it. This past week has been quite something. Maybe I'll get lucky and just sort of conk out for the duration.