Not quite drunk, but not quite sober, either. The last 24 hours have left me deserving of at least a drink or two.
First, and most dramatic: someone that I used to date has gotten married. I knew that it was coming, but found out in a sort of public way (thanks again, FB, for breaking the news by sharing the video with me). My initial reaction was no compliment to my maturity level, and it didn't get much better from there. Sleep last night would have been hard anyway because of the time change, but my dreams were also filled with swirling images, doors that would not close, somewhere I didn't want to be but couldn't quite escape. I woke feeling less sleepy (which makes sense, given that I slept something like 15 hours yesterday/last night) but not quite rested.
I checked my messages before I got out of bed. There was one from my coworker, calling in sick. Again. This time it was her son that was ill. It happens, on average, once a week. I realize that parenting is complicated, that scheduling is a challenge, and that there's no notice when a child will be ill. I also know FOR SURE that the kid is not sick probably half the time when she calls in.
When I saw her message, my eyes rolled and I started moving a lot faster. Today was the first business day of the month, so there were month-end things to do, in addition to the ongoing training of our new staff member. In addition to our regular duties, which are essentially parceled out between the two of us, but definitely skewed more heavily toward me (because she's doing more of the training). I knew that today, it was all on me.
Before I left for work, I checked my FB. There was a notification of a "people you should know." It was Brian-from-Madison. (Unfamiliar? Search for "Brian" or "Madtown" or just work through the archive from around 11/07 for details.) I actually laughed when I saw it, because what else is there to do? (It's all the more ironic since I was sorting out some really old files yesterday and just now got rid of the phone bills from that period, including the ~700 minutes' worth of conversations we had during the week before we met face to face.)
Work was wild. There was not a whole lot of time to actually sit down and get things done from the time that I got there (twenty minutes early), through lunch (my boss asked me not to take a break, just to eat at my desk), right up through when we walked out together a little late. I finished the pile of work that was left on my desk from last week, got a start on the month-end stuff, helped the new staff member with several things, worked with my boss and boss' boss on a few things, tracked down some answers for a couple of other people, and sorted through two giant heaps of mail. And put out one figurative fire.
And then I came home, made dinner, had a quick and hilarious conversation with a friend by text, then headed out to the grocery store. How is it possible than one person can spent nearly $90 on groceries at one time? Before I even started to put it all away, I got out a beer from the fridge. I dropped the opener on my foot, nearly piercing my toe as it fell to the floor. Then I dropped the cap that I'd removed, and just about drove it into the bottom of my foot. I obviously need a keeper.
I was feeling very sorry for myself today. Very single, untouchable, and lonely. Comparing myself to my ex, of course. Now that the surprise has worn off, this isn't such a big deal. I would certainly rather that he be happily moved on than any other alternative. I don't want him back, don't want to know what he's doing, and don't need to know. (I only did know because one of my good friends happens to be a cousin of his, who must have been tagged in the video from the wedding.) This one fact, and my knowledge of it, doesn't change my life at all.
Today was just one of those days. Tomorrow will not be like this.
[the title quotation is by Douglas Adams, from The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul]