I suppose I have learned to be... creative, sir - when necessary

1. How will tomorrow be like today? cool weather, places to be/people to see, and some deeper meaning
2. How would you react if a stranger pinched your bottom? if history is anything to go by, I'd get mad, and then get even
3. When was the last time you went on a date? tonight--I had dinner with my favorite second cousin
4. Have you ever ridden a horse? unfortunately, yes
5. What is almost over? the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that I'm watching ("The Ensigns of Command")--four minutes remain
6. What should you be doing that you are putting off? writing a card to accompany a care package that I'm mailing out tomorrow
7. How much would you have to change physically before you would no longer be yourself anymore? 51%
8. How much would you have to change mentally before you would no longer be yourself anymore? anything. At all.
9. Would you rather be famous or notorious? notorious, of course. The mere idea of fame is abhorrent to me.
10. Would you rather have a necklace that's dripping with diamonds or a blueberry farm? I love commas SO MUCH!
    And I would, of course, prefer the diamond necklace to the blueberry farm necklace.
11. Could you take first place in a beauty contest? depends on the competition, right?
12. Who is the biggest hypocrite you know and why? my former boss, for reasons that ought to be clear by now
13. Would you consider yourself to be more opinionated or bitchy? yep
14. How long is it until your next day off? it's tomorrow! Woot woot woot
15. What sound is annoying you right now? some part of the fridge (or something inside) is rattling
16. Imagine you're taking a vacation with 4 people. Who are they? D, R, H, and "Señor Magnifico"
17. The five of you travel by plane. Suddenly your plane crashes down over snowy mountains. The pilot and the air crew and all the other passengers die. The only way for you to survive is for one of you to get eaten by the others. Who will it be? me
18. Anorexia and obesity are two life threatening eating related disorders. Why is it that when it is discovered that someone is an anorexic they are rushed to the hospital, but when someone is obese they are not rushed to the hospital? uhm, in my experience one is generally not "'discovered' to be anorexic" and subsequently "rushed to the hospital." While there are certainly acute difficulties involved, it is not a sudden-onset illness.
19. Who is your favorite Smurf? Darryl
20. Why do you do things that you know are bad for you? I'm a glutton for ... gluttony (and so forth)
21. How important is testing to education? eh. There are all kinds of justifications for it, pedagogically, socially and psychologically.
22. What food group do you eat the most of (bread and pasta, meats and eggs and fish, fruits and vegetables, milk and cheese, sugar and butter)? alcohol and fat
23. Who is the most adorable person you know? D
24. If you had to spend a half hour locked in a dark closet with someone from school or work that you don't normally hang out with who would you want it to be? Crush Level Red
25. In the USA people work a full third of the year for the government, due to taxes. How do you feel about this? the accuracy of that statement would depend upon one's tax bracket. In any case, a question like this is all about manipulation and aggravation and not about open dialog.
26. Should people be allowed to use cell phones in their cars? yes, but not for handheld calls or texts while driving
27. Have you ever been in the room while a human baby was born? no
28. Have you ever been in the room while an animal baby was born? no
29. Did you see the video The Miracle of Life in school? no
30. How do you feel about having a baby? somewhat horrified, particularly after conversations this weekend about persons my age reproducing unexpectedly
31. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? yep

[From the 5000-question meme; this is the first third of the eighteenth part. The title quotation is from "The Ensigns of Command"]