never ever were we just friends

To be friends? How when
one still thinks of
the other, once more
remembers a hand
and something ________________,
something endearing placed
in my hand. O never
ever were we just friends
and from now on will be the most distant,
more distant than distant, since everything
was experienced together, what you carry away
from me, my smile, breath,
the doubts, everything.
What you bring to me amazes
me because “there is no greater
curse than not to share something
with the one whom you shared
everything, yourself left with
the other part.” The
residue with which one lives,
a new life that
comes from the old.
I have no residue, no
protective film, not having
received one, you should have sold
me rather than betray me,
put up with me somehow, rather than
deny yourself.

[Ingeborg Bachmann {1926-1973} 'Until We Meet Again', from Darkness Spoken: The Collected Poems]