12.08.2019

no good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough

Spoiler alerts! If you haven't seen 'em, don't read 'em. This is a long list (took forever to write!) and includes a few good ones and a few that never should have been committed to film. Allow me to sort the wheat from the chaff for you.

School Ties (1992) - "Set in the 1950s, a star quarterback is given an opportunity to attend an elite preparatory school but must conceal the fact that he is Jewish."
I watched it because: it's been on my list for a long time, and there a bunch of very famous actors in it.
story: 3/5
visuals: 3.5/5
acting: 3/5--standouts: Brendan Fraser is pretty good as the Jewish quarterback David Greene, and Chris O'Donnell as his roommate Chris Reece
intangibles: 3/5
overall: 3.125/5

In the Heat of the Night (1967) - "An African-American police detective is asked to investigate a murder in a racially hostile southern town."
I watched it because: it's a classic.
story: 4/5
visuals: 3.5/5
acting: 4.5/5--standouts: Sidney Poitier (Virgil Tibbs) and Rod Steiger as the bigoted but conflicted Gillespie
intangibles: 3.5/5
Academy Award winner:
• Best Picture
• Best Lead Actor--Rod Steiger
• Best Writing, based on material from another medium
• Best Sound
• Best Film Editing
Academy Award nominee:
• Best Director
• Best Effects--Sound Effects
overall: 3.875/5

Up in the Air (2009) - "Ryan Bingham enjoys living out of a suitcase for his job, traveling around the country firing people, but finds that lifestyle threatened by the presence of a potential love interest, and a new hire."
I watched it because: George Clooney is a favorite.
story: 3/5
visuals: 4.5/5
acting: 4.5/5--standout: Clooney is wonderful as Bingham.
intangibles: 3/5
Academy Award nominee:
• Best Picture
• Best Actor--George Clooney
• Best Supporting Actress--Vera Farmiga
• Best Supporting Actress--Anna Kendrick
• Best Director
• Best Writing, Adapted Screenplay
overall: 3.75/5--I loved this movie until the last 20 minutes or so. I found the ending as unbelievable and unsatisfying as Jane Leavy's Squeeze Play, and for the very same reason. Some of the choices made by characters in this film ring false. Not only are they inherently sad, but there is no way that a real person in these circumstances would behave this way. Period.

Suicide Kings (1997) - "A group of youngsters kidnap a respected Mafia figure."
I watched it because: I was (mis-)informed that it is a comedy, for which I was in the mood.
story: 2.5/5--dark, disturbing, and strange. Also occasionally funny, but overall a strange mix.
visuals: 3/5--it must have been pretty low budget, considering what is now an incredibly high powered cast. There are essentially three sets, and though one is quite pretty, it's beside the point.
acting: 3/5--standouts: Christopher Walken (Carlo Bartolucci/Charlie Barret) is, as always, an enigma. I'm a fan of Jeremy Sisto, though he's kind of wasted here.
intangibles: 2.5/5--Jay Mohr is terrible.
overall: 2.75/5

The Rising (2012: short film) - "In The Rising we follow the story of clone LE-E-003976 (LE-E). On a research mission in the toxic woods of a destroyed environment, he incidentally gets caught in the middle of an upcoming rebellion and thus learns about the dreadful truth of his destiny."
I watched it because: it's been on my Amazon Prime recommendations list since the first time I looked at it.
story: 2/5
visuals: 4/5
acting: 2/5
intangibles: 2/5--this is a 12-minute science fiction (?) film that is low on dialog and high on agenda and pretense. It won some award(s) and clearly thinks highly of itself, but I wandered out of the room twice and had to play it back to figure out what the F was going on. Highly missable.
overall: 2.5/5

Just Getting Started (2017) - "A two-hander action comedy in the vein of Midnight Run (1988), about an ex-F.B.I. Agent (Tommy Lee Jones) and an ex-mob lawyer in the Witness Protection Program (Morgan Freeman) having to put aside their petty rivalry on the golf course to fend off a mob hit."
I watched it because: I really like all of the leads, and it was supposed to be funny.
story: 3/5
visuals: 4.5/5
acting: 3.5/5: standouts--I wanted to love it, but it really wasn't all that great. Tommy Lee Jones was pretty funny as Leo. The bittersweet star was the late, lovely, deft Glenne Headly (Marguerite).
intangibles: 3/5
overall: 3.5/5

What Dreams May Come (1998) - "Chris Nielsen dies in an accident, and enters Heaven. But when he discovers that his beloved wife Annie has killed herself out of grief over the loss, he embarks on an afterlife adventure to reunite with her."
I watched it because: ...Robin Williams.
story: 2.5/5
visuals: 2/5
acting: 3/5--standout: Williams (as Chris Nielsen) and Cuba Gooding Jr. (Albert Lewis) made of it more than anyone could.
intangibles: 3/5
overall: 2.625/5--terribly unbelievable. Lovely writing but a bad movie.

No Such Thing (2001) - "The story of a young journalist who journeys to Iceland to find her missing fiancée only to encounter a mythical creature. She eventually forges a relationship with the being."
I watched it because: I've seen it before; it's one of my favorites. Even one of my favorites written and directed by Hal Hartley.
story: 4/5--a brilliant indictment of the media and popular culture. And maybe of modern moviemaking, too.
visuals: 5/5--absolutely gorgeous. I want to go to Iceland SO BAD.
acting: 4/5--standouts: Robert John Burke is terrific as The Monster. (It's really too bad his costume and makeup were so extensive, because he's very handsome.) And Julie Christie, as Dr. Anna, was tender and wonderful.
intangibles: 5/5--I love this movie.
overall: 4.5/5

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947) - "In 1900, a young widow finds her seaside cottage is haunted and forms a unique relationship with the ghost."
I watched it because: it's a classic. My parents and I were looking for something just right for Thanksgiving, and this was it.
story: 4.5/5
visuals: 3.5/5
acting: 4/5--standout: Gene Tierney is wonderful as Mrs. Muir. She manages to be every age from around 20 to 80, looking flawless but aging realistically both physically and in persona.
intangibles: 4/5--the romance is lovely
Academy Award nominee: Best Cinematography--Black & White
overall: 4/5

Little Big Soldier {Dà Bīng Xiǎo Jiàng} (2010) - "An old soldier kidnaps a young General of an enemy state and takes him on a long journey to collect the reward."
I watched it because: it was previewed on something that I watched in the last couple of months.
story: 4.5/5--it's a slow starter, and maybe not for everyone (pretty hot on the deeply historical stuff), but by the end I was completely engrossed. It is remarkably well written.
visuals: 5/5--gorgeous. Filmed in China, it turned my head away from my current fascination with Iceland (momentarily, at least).
acting: 3.5/5--standouts: Jackie Chan (the soldier) was a surprise; I've never seen one of his movies before, and I expected him to be a joke. He's an actual actor, and I liked him a lot. Leehom Wang (the general) was the real star of the show, though. He's very handsome, athletic, compelling, and heart-rending.
intangibles: 3.5/5
overall: 4.125/5

Rumor has it... (2005) - "Sarah Huttinger is a woman who learns that her family was the inspiration for the book and film  The Graduate -- and that she just might be the offspring of the well-documented event."
I watched it because: I really like Kevin Costner.
story: 3.5/5--this is a fantastically clever and watchable movie...right up to the very end.... 
visuals: 4/5--pretty people being pretty in some wonderfully pretty places, this was filmed on location around California (notably, San Francisco) and in New York
acting: 3.5/5--standouts: Costner is multilayered and delicious in this role (Beau Burroughs), and Richard Jenkins' Earl Huttinger is sad and lovely.
intangibles: 2/5--EXACTLY like Up in the Air, above, the end of this movie made me want to scream (and not in a good way). Totally unrealistic, unjustifiable, and infuriating.
overall: 3.25/5

Virgin Queen: Elizabeth I (2005) - "The Virgin Queen explores the full sweep of Elizabeth's life: from her days of fear as a potential victim of her sister's terror; through her great love affair with Robert Dudley; into her years of triumph over the Armada; and finally her old age and her last, enigmatic relationship with her young protégé, the Earl of Essex."
I watched it because: I'd seen it before (when it first came out?) and loved it--and it set off my longstanding crush on Tom Hardy.
story: 4/5--at only four hours, this is a selective account of the life of Elizabeth I, and it focuses quite heavily on her emotional entanglements and less on the politics of the day
visuals: 4.5/5
acting: 3.5/5--standout: Hardy is a joy to watch in the role of Robert Dudley, the devil-may-care rogue who nonetheless has sincere affection and care for the odd and demanding queen. Kevin McKidd, as the greedy and hotheaded Duke of Norfolk, is terrific as well.
intangibles: 4.5/5--the makeup, hair and costumes are great, and set design is well worth the watch
overall: 4.125/5

Holiday Engagement (2011) - "Afraid to tell her family she's been dumped, Hillary hires an actor to play her fiancé during a four-day Thanksgiving weekend at her parents' house."
I watched it because: it rolled up on my Amazon Prime recommendations for Christmas movies, and seemed pretty unoffensive.
story: 2/5--dumb. But I guess if every book and movie from the category of "if they'd only told the truth from the beginning..." were wiped from the Earth, we'd all be fighting over the same 3 titles, right?
visuals: 3/5--pretty
acting: 2.5/5--oh Lord, it's all terrible. Shelly Long (yup from Cheers) is in it, but thoroughly unrecognizable for the first 90 minutes. Lucky for her.
intangibles: 3/5--if there's really nothing else on, it won't probably be the worst thing you've ever seen
overall: 2.625/5

47 Ronin (2013) - "A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun."
I watched it because: I recently watched Ronin again--and loved it, of course--and so someone asked (again) if I've seen this. Why not? It was available from the library, so here we go.
story: 4/5
visuals: 3/5--when you're expecting something kind of straight up Asian historical/weapons/martial arts and you get magical realism with a terribly over the top "priestess," it's not going to go well. The based-on-our-world visuals are quite nice, though.
acting: 2/5--uhm...
intangibles: 2/5--goofy
overall: 2.75/5

[the title quotation is by Roger Ebert]

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