I'm a skilled professional actor; whether or not I've any talent is beside the point

    Getting back into the movie habit after being away for too long. This round includes my first theater visit in a while (the first of many, I hope), a couple of more or less glorified porn flicks, and some vintage cinema. Something here for every taste.

1917 (2019) - "April 6th, 1917. As a regiment assembles to wage war deep in enemy territory, two soldiers are assigned to race against time and deliver a message that will stop 1,600 men from walking straight into a deadly trap."

I watched it because: it was the one movie that we could agree to see, out of the 20 that were playing on the night we could go. And we both usually like war films.

story: 3/5--looking at this not from a "this is the mind-blowing, blockbuster war movie of the decade" perspective but instead from a "I've seen a f$%^ing LOT of war movies" approach, this story is enormously dull. Yes, ordinary foot soldiers played fantastically important roles that have gone relatively unnoticed. That doesn't make them worth a movie.

visuals: 3/5--one long shot, blah blah blah.

acting: 2.5/5

intangibles: 2.5/5--alternately dull, ridiculous (so many unbelievable coincidences), and nauseating

Academy Award winner:

• Best Cinematography—Roger Deakins

• Best Visual Effects—Guillaume Rocheron, Greg Butler, Dominic Tuohy

• Best Sound Mixing—Mark Taylor, Stuart Wilson

 Academy Award nominee:

• Best Picture

• Best Director--Sam Mendes

• Best Original Screenplay

• Best Original Score

• Best Makeup and Hairstyling

• Best Production Design

• Best Sound Editing

overall: 2.75/5--feh

 

Bang Gang, a.k.a. Une Histoire d'Amour Moderne (2015) - "In the well-to-do suburbs of a small town, a group of pretty average, well-adjusted sixteen and seventeen year olds are ordinary adolescents who take a singular path."
I watched it because: it was recommended on Amazon Prime, God knows why
story: 2.5/5--bizarre, disturbing, and silly
visuals: 4/5
acting: 2.5/5--standout: Lorenzo Lefèbvre (Gabriel) is the only member of the cast with the least claim to acting skill. The rest have, at best, mastered 'petulant' and 'creepy as Hell'.
intangibles: 3/5
overall: 3/5--if you're in the mood for French soft-core porn with English subtitles, this will be right up your alley. If not, then it's missable.

Laura (1944) - "A Police detective falls in love with the woman whose murder he is investigating."
I watched it because: I wanted something short and dramatic to watch while paying bills and so forth.
story: 4.5/5
visuals: 4/5--this is a prime example of the need to protect and restore great old movies. The reproduction DVD that I watched was in rough shape and the condition was a distraction from the film itself.
acting: 4.5/5--standouts: Gene Tierney (Laura Hunt) and Dana Andrews (Det. Lt. Mark McPherson). Vincent Price isn't bad either.
intangibles: 4/5
Academy Award winner: Best Cinematography, B&W
Academy Award nominee:
• Best Supporting Actor--Clifton Webb
• Best Director
• Best Writing, Screenplay
• Best Art Direction--Interior Decoration, B&W
overall: 4.25/5

Seven Psychopaths (2012) - "A struggling screenwriter inadvertently becomes entangled in the Los Angeles criminal underworld after his oddball friends kidnap a gangster's beloved Shih Tzu."
I watched it because: Christopher Walken is a magnet, and the story sounded strangely akin to Suicide Kings.
story: 1/5
visuals: 2/5
acting: 2/5--Tom Waits was a revelation (that sweet rabbit stuff!) but the rest of it was wretched
intangibles: 1/5
overall: 1.25/5--right up there with the stupidest movies I've ever seen. I've got to remember that Colin Farrell, Woody Harrelson, and Sam Rockwell are each independently among my least favorite actors, but together they guarantee that I'm going to hate a movie. This f'ing sucked.

Sirens (1994) - "When a painting is termed blasphemous, a young minister and his wife visit the artist... and the three sexually playful models living with him."
I watched it because: it was a recommendation on Amazon Prime, and I was looking for something funny and thoughtless--particularly after the disaster of the last choice.
story: 4/5--I enjoyed the historical element, the Australian practicality, and the fun counterpoint to The Painted Veil (surely unintended).
visuals: 4/5--filmed on location in New South Wales, including the Blue Mountains, this is a gorgeous film
acting: 3.5/5--standouts: Sam Neill (Norman Lindsay) and Tara Fitzgerald (Estella Campion) are wonderful
intangibles: 3/5--yes, there's rather a lot of full frontal nudity, including some supermodels, but it becomes rather secondary to the story after the first blast. So to speak. The art isn't bad, the metaphors are there without pounding the viewer in the face, and there is a pleasant humor running alongside a real moral debate throughout.
overall: 3.625/5

A Lady Takes a Chance (1943) - "A city girl on a bus tour of the West encounters a handsome rodeo cowboy who helps her forget her wimpy city suitors."
I watched it because: it was an Amazon Prime recommendation that I'd never heard of. Wait, a John Wayne movie I've never heard of? Danger....
story: 2.5/5
visuals: 3/5
acting: 3/5--standout: Wayne does some real acting here, both the tough cowboy and the tender love
intangibles: 3.5/5--great reproduction values for the era and excellent reproduction make this a joy to watch
overall: 3/5

[the title quotation is by Michael Caine]