I watched it because: it was recommended on Amazon Prime, the story is a favorite (I've seen the 1995 Ang Lee version, with Emma Thompson, more than once), and I was looking for something calm.
Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: N/A% Audience: N/A%
story: 4/5
visuals: 4.5/5--"I want to visit England..."
acting: 3/5--standouts: Hattie Morahan as Elinor Dashwood - it's such a meaty role, with the counterpoints of reticence and all that banked passion - and Dan Stevens (Edward Ferrars). Each imbued their characters with substance beyond the words written in the script. (Mark Gatiss is also a treat as the ineffectual step-brother John Dashwood.)
intangibles: 2.5/5--there's no denying some weakness in the film (Mrs. Dashwood is a limp dishrag, Willoughby was cast and played as a stereotype, and some of the quick-cutting and angles were far too modern for a period piece)
overall: 3.5/5
Inside the Rain (2019) - "Facing expulsion from college over a misunderstanding, a bipolar student indulges his misery at a strip club where he befriends a gorgeous, intelligent, outrageous woman and they hatch a madcap scheme to prove his innocence."I watched it because: it was recommended on Amazon Prime (I would truly love to see how this one ended up in my "yes" list), the cover art was undeniably eye-catching, and the premise as described on Prime (vastly different from that on imdb, shared above) sounded engaging.
Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 86% Audience: 77%
story: 2/5--just because it is a story, realistic and true to someone's life, does not mean it is entertaining. 75 minutes of wincing, 10 minutes of sweetness, and 5 minutes of nudity doesn't add up to a good movie.
visuals: 3/5
acting: 3/5--standouts: Ellen Toland (Emma Taylor), the stripper, and Paul Schulze (David Glass), the dad
intangibles: 1/5--is this a comedy? a tragedy? a farce? What is the point of Rosie Perez and Eric Roberts, except to further clutter and already bungled up film?
overall: 2.25/5
I watched it because: it kept popping up on my Amazon Prime recommendations, I generally like musical theater, and it seemed like a pleasant enough way to pass an evening.
Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 48% Audience: 66%
story: 2/5--almost uniformly unsympathetic characters in a biographical, romantic drama based on real events. Ugh.
visuals: 3/5
acting: 2.5/5--standout: Kevin McNally (Gerald Murphy) was the only person I could stand to watch without cringing
intangibles: 1/5--interminably long, with jarring musical numbers plunked in between maudlin and overdrawn dramatic sequences. Yuck.
overall: 2.125/5
Americano (2011) - "A man who returns to Los Angeles to wrap up his mother's estate sets out in search of the mysterious woman named in her will."I watched it because: isn't that the million dollar question? There's another Salma-Hayek-as-a-stripper movie out there that's a personal favorite, with a very personal meaning and a deep connection for me and the person who knows me better than anyone else on the planet. So when I heard about this one, I knew I had to pick it up. And despite bewildering odds, we managed to watch it together.
Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 53% Audience: 27%
story: 1/5--I can't really explain it without using a bunch of $5 words. Inexplicable (a crying scene that seemed overdone while it happened but by the end of the film was totally wacko. Maybe it was leftover film?) Coincidental (parentage!) 11th-hour transformative (how, exactly, did the main character get from point A to point pi and a half divided by theta with a sprinkling of cilantro?) Confusing (this all happens in four different languages, including screaming, ranted German from what's supposed to be a hiding out Nazi's son?)
visuals: 2/5--there were two visuals: (1.) The Blue Period. (2.) The Sunny Period.
acting: 1.5/5--this was not an "acting" film. It was a vanity piece for the writer, who happened to also be the director, who happened to also be the lead actor. Who happened to also be a highly irritating doof. If a 95% naked Salma Hayek can't save a movie, nothing can.
intangibles: 2.5/5--there are two scenes in this film that I absolutely adored, that totally worked for me. The first was the lead couple, Martin and Claire, taking a bath together. They are quietly talking while he combs her hair. It is a very affecting moment that my mind keeps playing back. The second is also between those two characters. He is stoned, just out of the bed where he had sex with a hooker, talking on a revoltingly dirty pay phone in Tijuana to his girlfriend. She is in a lovely house on the French coast, walking along the ocean. The juxtaposition between his pathetic, disgusting desperation and her calm, blue serenity is really well done.
And I cannot let this one go to press without mentioning that there was a whole lot of Somber Piano Music.
overall: 1.75/5
I watched it because: I wanted something guaranteed funny while working on a jigsaw puzzle. (Save your commentary about the sedate nature of my endeavors--we each deal with our captivity in different ways!)
Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 81% Audience: 85%
story: N/A--there is no story here, just stand-up
visuals: Pretty basic, even for the era
acting: N/A
intangibles: This is supposed to be so hilarious, but it didn't do much for me. It takes a lot to really make me laugh, and though I've liked Eddie Murphy stuff before (see below--SO not safe for work), this ain't it.
overall: Feh.
[the title quotation is by Theophilus London]
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