fear of the old, despondent loneliness

“How did it happen that I didn’t leave her? Why did I come back so feebly when my adventure ended up like an abortion, washed out like all the other possibilities one misses or is cheated of on the way through the years? Did I come back for pure convenience? Out of fear of the old, despondent loneliness I still remembered so well? No doubt. But not only for that.” 

 

[Jens Christian Grøndahl {1959- }, in Silence in October {Tavshed i oktober}]