I will not tell you what we whispered

Better to fall, better to fall than wait 

To be held in air; wanting to be held, 

Held in words we use when we embrace. 

I wanted to be held in air or fall,

To be held in air. Wanting to be held, 

I fell along the air’s slow drawl, 

Wanting to be held in air or to fall, 

As the turning of a body turned a voice away. 

I fell along the air’s slow drawl, 

Away from words abundance, blame, 

As he turned his body, turned his voice away, 

As if I shed the words and gave them shape. 

The word abundance, the word blame: 

I handed him a place to put his tongue 

And shed the words and gave them shape: 

A snake, turning his skin into a skeleton. 

I handed him a place to put his tongue, 

A place where we knew why we kissed. 

Like a snake, turning his skin into a skeleton, 

I turned the air to kisses, golden nipples, 

Any place. I knew why we kissed. 

Another apple, another, another tongue, 

The air will turn to kisses, golden nipples. 

He wanted me to say I did it: Touched 

Another apple, another, another tongue. 

I will not tell you what we whispered. 

He wanted me to say I did it, touched 

A history of wishes to be held. 

 

I will not tell you what we whispered. 

I wanted him to help me question 

A history of wishes: to be held 

Waiting, again, for that first kiss. 

Help me. Help me question 

The words we use when we embrace, 

Waiting again for that first kiss— 

Better to fall, better to fall than wait. 

[Judith Hall {1951- } 'In an Empty Garden', from To Put the Mouth To]