5.03.2021

the lover who says it second after a long, long pause

The people I love best are the ones who try: the aged who rise 
early each damp morning and part the clump of coffee filters 
with arthritic fingers—and the others who stay up 
late after working all day in retail, hot pink curl of ear 
pressing the receiver, listening to the friend who is selfish 
but in agony now. I love the men who are fathers 
to children, not buddies not video-game rivals not boys 
themselves but clumsy men who ache over the fragility of sons, 
but preserve the fragility of sons despite what everyone says. 
I love those who feel no skill has come to them innate, 
who will hold their small inland dogs again and again 
above the sea on vacation, to watch in amazement 
the knowing animal body that paddles through air. I love 
the B+ student. The thick-chinned girl always picked 
fourth when choosing sides for the softball team. 
The lover who says it first. The lover who says it second 
after a long, long pause. The lover who says it knowing 
the answer is no, no, I am too broken. People who knit 
things together. People willing to take things apart 
and roll all the strands of yarn into new balls for next time. 
The woman who loaded her backseat full of blankets and drove 
for three days to the hurricane site. Even the loafer who tries 
his mother’s patience, who quietly speculates and eventually 
decodes the universe for us all. Believe me, I have tried 
to love others, the meager personalities who charm and butter, 
the jaded the cynics the players and floaters all safe 
in their cages, this life no responsibility they can own. 
They see it too—how trying is always a risk, 
a kind of vulnerability some choose for ourselves because 
our fathers taught us well, our fathers taught us to try 
to remain as fragile and full as this world that loves us.

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