45. Do you think bullies often see themselves as bullies? no, I think that self-reflection is lacking there
46. What was the most recent moment that changed your life in a major way? all members of my 
department were directed to return to the office, after most of us having worked remotely for the past year plus. Knowing that it would negatively affect my state of mind, which would affect my physical health, I objected and requested exemption, officially. Surprisingly, my request was granted. It has taken a burden from my shoulders, no longer wondering if/when I would need to return. A little bittersweet, too, since I loved that office (and loved from that office) - but it was time to go.
50. Do you ever imagine yourself in very negative, but unlikely scenarios? For example in prison, or severely disabled, or maybe doing things you would never actually do in reality. no, if my mind starts sending me down negative rabbit holes, I intentionally pull it back out. It's fine to be careful and to consider ramifications. It's entirely another thing to be paranoid or focused on the negative.
65. Do you ever feel like a child? yup. I'd like to be able to turn over the reins to someone else. I'd like to shut down responsibility for a while. I'd like to give in to "but I don't want to" and "I'm too tired." I'd like to scream and throw shoes. (Someone else's shoes maybe, never my own!) But I'm figuring out that sucking it up really is the best way, most of the time. The sense of accomplishment, the lack of neediness...those are rewards in themselves. I guess adulthood was a good place to land after all.
47. Would you forget a traumatic experience, if you could? I think that it's necessary to go through hard times, to learn from them. The only way through it is through it. Of course I don't want to think about the hardest experiences I've been through, but if I forgot those, then I would forget the good memories connected to them, too. It would remove the flavor from life.
48. How would you describe the feeling you get when you share your food with someone? reading this question makes me smile. I'm thinking about two times when I have done this, both of which were with the same person. One was an expensive, complex meal at which everything was balanced (food and drinks). I wanted to share a taste of my main dish with my companion, but he would not have it because it would have messed with his enjoyment of his own meal. I'm sure I wrinkled up my nose as he told me, but it made perfect sense and I'm glad that he refused. Some people would have taken a bite to be polite, or come up with a polite lie - but he told me the truth, and that was more kind and respectful than anything else could have been.
Several months later, we were eating at home, casually, and forking carrots, fruit, and pickles off each others' plates as if they were just extensions of our own. That is real comfort. I did not know that it even existed.
49. Do you feel like your clothes are a part of your personality? some of them, sort of. Apparently white button-ups are, and my well-known adoration of shoes. I could do some fucking damage if I had the money to devote to it!
 |
| I just had to choose this photo as an illustration because: (a) this outfit probably cost more than my wardrobe, (b) this child looks like she's never had a job, (c) not like you could wear these clothes to work...anywhere, but (d) I still like everything except the bag (in which one could smuggle an actual full-sized hobo) and the sunglasses (a bug is missing its oversized novelty eyewear!) |
51. What was your loneliest moment? I had the flu when I still lived above SWC, somewhere around 2009 maybe? I was extremely ill for a week, left the house only for medical care, and felt miserable. I was 500 miles from home and wanted nothing more than to be taken care of. To some extent, that was probably one of the "becoming an adult" milestones. It was lonely.
52. Would you say you trust people easily? no, I do not.
53. Did you have a long period in life when you didn’t feel like yourself? How did you come back from that? regardless of the different directions that my life has taken, I've always been shades of the same color, variations on the same theme - never unlike myself, always changing
54. Should humans merge with the AI once it becomes an option? definitely no
55. Do you ever think about who or what has influenced you the most in life? only when answering blog questions, because comparing such things is kind of pointless
56. How would you deal with betrayal? depends on the nature and quality of it, and who's doing it, and what's at stake. Sometimes it's laughable, other times it's worth addressing head-on. Sometimes it's the last straw, and every now and then it's a breakthrough.
57. Has any piece of art ever inspired you to change your life in some way? absolutely. I can think of three different photographs, a painting, a glass sculpture—not even beginning to touch music or writing
58. If you had seen someone being robbed or assaulted, what are the chances that you would intervene? In which cases would you do it? if I had any chance of being able to stop it or truly help the person in trouble, if there was no one better equipped to help, and if there was no better way to mitigate the situation. Of course it depends upon who's in danger, too. I would tear the head off of someone who tried to hurt someone I love.
59. What is the essence of well-being? comfort, vulnerability, joy, health, challenges
60. Are your earliest memories positive? yes
61. Have you gotten closer to the meaning of life in the last 10 years? I don't know. I think so? But I'm also well aware that the beginning of wisdom is recognition that we don't know a damned thing - and that there's no knowing what the meaning of life really is, so (a) how in the world would I ever really know whether I'm close to knowing? and (b) what's the point of trying to figure it out? It's both philosophically and practically pointless. Why not just live?
62. Have you ever reconciled with someone you were sure you’d never talk to again? uh, yeah - that's happened to me a few times. (This question made me snort.)
63. If life was nothing but constant pain, would it still be worth living? no, but I have a radical viewpoint of the utility of individual lives, too, and what I perceive as one's right to choose how much is too much. It's nothing I'm going to get into with most people, or on my blog for God's sake. Constant pain ought not to be all one has to live through, look forward to, or suffer.
64. When’s a good time to start getting serious about one’s health? puberty
[from here and adapted; the title quotation is by Friedrich Nietzsche, from Götzen-Dämmerung]
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