126: Where do you spend most of your time while you’re awake? at ze condo. I work from home, and am not a people person.
127: Have the stars ever meant anything to you? I used to like to lie awake looking up at them when I was little and would sleep outside during the summer.
I also had a phone call once where the other person and I were looking up at the same stars. That was a nice connection.
128: What could society do without? strip malls, protein shakes, and reality shows that are anything but
129: What have you lost interest in recently? fighting
130: What have you gained interest in recently? my checking account
131: How do you deal with isolation and loneliness? talk to someone, write a card or letter, or journal
132: Do you think it is possible for a human being to forever be alone? yes… SQUIRREL!
133: In what way are you your own worst enemy? I push buttons, have a difficult time waiting, and I sometimes spend money foolishly
134: Describe the last dream you had? no lucid dreams lately, which is strange for me. Bits and pieces about my erstwhile furry lodger, getting more piercings, and a man in my life. Nothing useful or entertaining.
135: Are you easily influenced by people around you? ayep. Not to the point where I’d call myself an ‘empath,’ but I am…suggestible.
136: Do you influence people around you? apparently so
137: Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Did you mean it? the last time I said it aloud was in a voicemail message, and of course I meant it. I’m too old for pretending I love when I don’t, or for pretending I don’t when I do.
138: Is it possible to always be genuine and kind? When do you have to be mean to other people? When do you have to fake? Hell no—that is facile and delusional. (a) the opposite of genuine & kind is not “mean” or “fake.” (b) genuine and kind is maybe a goal more than a reality. (c) consider a person who treats poorly someone who cannot defend himself. Is it “mean” to defend the defenseless there? (d) consider the well-meaning but nosy-as-fuck coworker who cannot stop pestering you for personal information, such as your new address or who your friend is when they see you out to dinner. Is it “‘fake” to gently deflect their questions and intrusions?
139: When was the last time you were honest with someone? just now, maybe 30 minutes ago when I said that I was tired
140: Think of a memory that can always make you laugh or smile. Describe it. lying out in the sun when I was a teenager, trying to transform myself into a tan and gorgeous goddess. I would slather with baby oil or whatever was the thing at the time, and settle in on my blanket in the back yard, A couple hours later I would wake up, groggy and hot as heck, with the blanket on top of me and my cat tucked into the curve of my belly. Not one bit more tan and certainly no goddess, but schnuzzling with beloved kitty during an impromptu nap. Priceless—and funny.
141: How can you focus on the things that really matter in your life? good fucking question
144: What has been the most defining moment(s) in your life? going to college. Passing the bar exam and being licensed to practice. Leaving my marriage. Chris’ death. Buying my current home.
145: What’s something new you recently learned about yourself? I sometimes fail to understand or acknowledge my importance, and the gifts that I am given
146: What do you sometimes pretend you understand that you really don’t? [some] tech talk
147: What is something that you can teach to others? I am a lousy teacher. It makes me uncomfortable to be on that end of learning.
148: Do you think you are heading down the right path? I wish I knew—though that would kind of kill the buzz, wouldn’t it? It’s supposed to be an adventure.
149: Is there anyone depending on you? Do they think you are dependable? Do you think you are dependable?plenty of people depend on me, for various things, in various ways. My parents and my brother. My friends. My closest and dearest one, who is also sometimes the furthest and almost troubling. They rely on me being attentive, helpful, funny, smart, and observant. And probably a bunch of things that I don’t even realize. If I weren’t dependable, I probably would not have the friends and loved ones that I do have.
150: Are you depending on anyone? Do you appreciate them? Do they know you appreciate them? yes, everything in the previous answer works in the reverse. Absolutely, I appreciate them. Do they know? I think so. I hope so.
I try to say the words.
355: Have you developed any obsessions over the year? Are any of these unhealthy? Are you trying to get rid of them? nah, I think I’ve released some of that shit this year. Sometimes the easiest way is by being easy about things. Trying to exert control over the uncontrollable is a futile effort. Just go with it.
[from here; the title quotation is by .38 Special, from "Hold on Loosely"]
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