12.30.2021

should I go back the long, abandoned roads that lead me to this place and this moment

It happens when I've been driving 
    for hours on two-lane roads winding 
        past orchards just after they've bloomed. 
 
When I ask myself where I was when all 
    this burst like the bounty of heaven, no 
        answer comes back from the earth or heaven. 
 
A hint of rain is in the air and the sky 
    broods above a sudden stand of oak that 
        rushes by. Between the trees coming 
 
into the new green of their leaves light 
    breaks for a second and within the light a path 
        opens through the trees and the fields beyond. 
 
Beyond, unseen, an ancient river runs 
    high in its banks bringing the Sierras' gift 
        back down to earth. The moment is so full 
 
I have to close my eyes and slow the car. 
    Should I go back the long, abandoned roads 
        that lead me to this place and this moment 
 
to find why I've become who I am 
    and why that could matter. Slowly now 
        I pass through a small town of scrubbed houses, 
 
wide lawns, and empty streets. A rain has passed 
    leaving little pools reflecting the sky 
        that stares open-eyed at its own image. 
 
If this were Sunday the bells would ring, 
    if this were sixty years ago I 
        would be a boy on foot no farther 
 
than I am now with my eyes filled     
    with so much seeing. I caught a glimpse, 
        a road through the trees, a door 
 
that opened a moment only to close. 
    Twelve miles from Stockton. I could go west 
        until I reached the sea or keep going 
 
farther and farther into this valley 
    past the truck stops and the ruined towns 
        while the afternoon closes down around me. 
 
[Philip Levine {1928-2015} 'I Caught a Glimpse' from The Mercy]

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