I find myself without a guide.
The guide of the time
is broken up.
But somehow I don’t believe this.
It’s the clouds giving me a ride,
and the air of crime
that cannot stop, must stop
in that infernal bliss.
I find myself without grime
carried within a brain
to some rotten changing science
within the limits of a blind world.
I kneel, I’m covered with lime
flying off an angel’s train
a thought of defiance
out of the limits of the world.
Where am I? What did I say to rain,
to snow, to growth, to chemicals?
Did I offend, did I defend,
a natural and moving spirit?
But I know I mustn’t refrain
from opening my heart’s ventricles
to that complicated moving blend
that knows when you fear it.
Even my testicles
had ignored that last cry inside,
the unknown outburst
and outpouring of breaking through.
I looked down at my hands, nails, cuticles,
for some sign of this ride,
that life had been reversed.
But not the slightest clue.
___
No black princess, no white princess
whose voice I’ve heard.
No prince, no king,
that voice I imagined,
but the echo of my earth being,
my mind turned, my brain turned
my desires, wants, fears,
all wrapped up by an ethereal spirit,
and thrown away to the other shore.
I move away from
this spirit or ocean twilight
to a dangerous rock.
I long for rocks.
A breeze cools my nude body,
I long for a breeze.
O sun that warmed me!
O bull on the grassy plain!
O sun that reactivated me
from a long and unique womb!
O sun sun that washed me
in the September breeze!
I am now like before I ever was,
the topology of a kiss.
Here, where distance seems flat,
where Time seems hollow
or not to be at all
I make my final pledges
and strain to push destiny
away from this scene
Make me time
make me space
or take them both away
and substitute an incarnation
to hold these intimate tears
from those I love
___
O God let me pray for you
O rock let me pray for you
O broken branch
O leaf
O cumulus let me pray for you
O sun hotter than fires
of my eyes let me pray for you
O night within the tree trunk
let me pray for you
O birds of autumn
O bark
O sin let me pray for you
O confession secret & psychic
let me pray for you
O last autumn insect,
burrowing through the surface
forever
let me pray for you
O youth and old age, let me pray for you
O minute and timeless passion
let me pray for you
O sex mindless or mindful
let me pray for you
O flesh and blood
torn and shed
O flesh and blood
conceived and formed
let me pray for you
O happiness, O sorrow let me pray
Let me pray for you, O stars
burning a sphere of life,
let me pray for you, O loneliness
like a fallen tree
let me pray for you, O words
never really conceptual
let me pray for you, O trying
and trying and trying,
let me pray for you
those to whom life comes easy
those to whom life comes hard.
O animals of the earth let me pray for you
O life in other worlds, only felt,
let me pray for you
O reason let me pray for you
O death
who follows us like a small
and innocuous cloud,
in the bluest blue skies.
___
I climb to top of rock…
my shadow glues my passions,
my lust my desire, immobile, locked,
paralyzed with no relation
to mountains or plains.
The creases in rock enfold me
in moving organic sins
the past in front of me like a tree.
In a land with no tree
I curl around like a dog
a man inactive and free
like the eucharist on a log
Out of sight is my mind
out of mind is all sight
only my ears are left to find
beautiful odorless night
No phantom comes, nor does it go
from me like a deer
passing in the dark low
of earth by my ear
And now I hear
what I’ve gotten myself into:
two voices separating, merging
I see them with my ears
and feel them with my tongue
two sounds
close but far
sweet but bitter
alone but in crowds.
But me, I’ve merged
into the invisible tree
into the sandy dark
into a formula, a compound
of some non-matter light
some non-wavelength beam
some beyond-spirit-mystery
where each organ incarnates.
And from here
a blood flows in the ground
a blood flows through the stars
from one to another
a blood flows through trees
and animals and water
my blood flows
through the ground
to the stars one to the other
to the trees, to animals, to water
it flows to color
it flows to smell
it flows to taste
it flows to moving
and molecules and atoms
and anti-atoms and mystery
and from here
my brain is a rock
my skull an archeology of passion,
laughing and crying
inside night’s luminous jokes.
O night, bring me open
and the resources that blind me
that form the same forces on my ribs,
recontrol this journey into the arch.
And now I see the wall,
the trees against my head
the seepage of bodies thru the ground
the pervious layer
of what I’ve always seen
equally strong within a dream.
___
Where is my heart that disappears?
Who would find it in the dirt
still throbbing, still calling
like a late bird left behind
in a colossal migration.
Now looking down at myself
I see whatever is replaced
but still remains the same,
whatever is in motion
in solitary nerve systems
a feeling of eternal youth
caused by desperation & ecstasy.
But ecstasy has always been
and looking away from it
I realize it has been waiting
for me to grab a little
towards my own destruction.
And while still calling
still left behind
I abandon myself from all that
and enter the last mirage.
Every structure, every form,
like before I ever was
incarnates thru every other storm,
and all this is followed,
followed everywhere.
___
When a puff of wind deserts us
and we are little children
on the sweet plateau, where should
I turn in these pyramids
and implore revelations?
Sunny altar springing
sanguine hopes. Invitations
and birds flowing freely
above the invisible bird.
Hearts among the nations
gone awry with supplications
to the angels. But not
even wings on gods
to gravitate these waves amid the deserts
I experience; these waves of altars
against the dirt and stone.
Who was here before, who is here
now, who to fly, who to soar
through my eyesight,
into a lens of dreams? A sunny
spark burns my bicep
straining to look out into
the invisible world,
or to step into revels
of no evolution
through burning life
My lips turn drowsy
the wine of dead leaves
overtakes me in waves
that carry me deeper
into the hymns, O hymns of hibernation
my breathing slowing,
my heart, a dying seal,
and the eyes can no longer open
no matter what oblivion calls,
no matter what wilderness
nor monster walks on top of this.
Never before has such heat
left this body
now sliding so many ergs
below the temperature of my life
Knees bind me so close to myself
and my teeth have cut
my chest a little,
while a seascape
of all my losses
smells damp like a fallen net.
In this unknown sea of earth
in which the magma
heats my few breaths
I divide from this everlasting dream.
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