Not your hard rock-crystal hard silence,
not the cold of the hand you extend me,
not your sapless, seasonless, colorless words,
not my name, not even my name,
which you pronounce as a blank and meaningless cipher;
not the deep gash, not the blood
dripping from your quivering lips,
not the distance, each time a little colder,
a sheet of snow in the hospital of winter,
stretching between us like doubt;
nothing, nothing could be more bitter
than the sea I carry inside me, blind, alone,
the ancient Oedipal sea randomly washing over me
from all the centuries, from the ages
when my blood wasn’t yet my blood,
when my skin grew on the skin of another body,
when someone was breathing for the unborn me.
The sea that rises speechless to my lips,
the sea satiated
with a fatal poison that doesn’t kill,
that prolongs life, and is more painful than pain.
The sea that does its work slowly and slowly
in the cavern of my chest forging
the angry fist of my heart.
Windless, skyless sea,
waveless, desolate,
nocturnal breakerless sea at my lips,
nocturnal angerless sea, content
to lap the walls that hold it prisoner,
slave that never breaks out of its shore,
blindman that never looks for the light they stole from it,
lover that craves only disaffection.
Sea that drags its silent junk,
desires, derelict derelictions,
syllables from memories and ill will,
the drowned dreams of newborn babies,
the mutilated silhouettes and perfumes,
the strands of light and shipwrecked hair.
Nocturnal bitter sea
that circulates through the narrow corridors
of coral veins and roots
and arteries and capillary jellyfish.
Sea weaving its drifting weaving in the shadows,
threading its blue needles
with threads of nerves and tendons taut.
Nocturnal bitter sea
that wets my tongue with its lugubrious saliva,
that makes my fingernails grow
with the force of its dark tides.
My ear follows its secret babble,
and I hear it growing the rocks and plants
that extend its fingers and lips.
And I carry it inside me like regret,
like someone else’s sin, a mysterious dream,
and I rock it and put it to sleep,
and hide it, take care of it, a secret I keep.
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