1.21.2023

and you would decide to leave (don't you always?)

It's simply hopeless, isn't it? Even if you begin 
by postulating the existence of some exotic place—
a village of divine origin, or diabolical perhaps—
maybe a city of sin, or hindrances such as torpor and lust 
(those are the ones I like best), whole days spent in bed, 
wearing silk pajamas, sipping cappuccino, daydreaming—
going backwards in time (you could visit Paris in the first 
half of the century if you wish), gliding down bannisters 
and into the ballrooms of the past where, by some odd chance, 
you already know the steps to all the dances, you, Darling, 
would still become a politician, some charismatic figure 
issuing proclamations at every hour. And no matter what you say 
or said, it would create the illusion of making sense, inspiring shock, 
warning of imminent and supreme crisis without end—and all 
at once we'd be back in the dark ages, and then the desert—
and you would decide to leave (don't you always?), slipping on 
your coat and glasses, (alas) and rushing off before the part begins 
with Jacob wrestling the angels, and all the patriarchs go limp—
 
but you wouldn't resist gazing back (would you? just once?) 
through the promised lens—to see me again, there where I am 
forever lazing in bed, combing my long black hair over my shoulders 
and nude breasts? Outside the sky is shimmering, and it's dusk 
in Jerusalem (or is it Valencia or Madrid?), and someone is ringing 
the doorbell again and again, and I am imagining God is as happy 
with the world (unredeemed as it is as an ant atop a wet, bruised 
    peach. 
 
[Nin Andrews {1958- } 'Dedicated to the One I Love', from The Best American Poetry, 2003]

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