all truly great thoughts are conceived while walking

1. If you could give anyone a love potion that would so open their heart to you that they'd be hopelessly in love with you forever, would you? If so, who? 

    an interesting question, and—unsurprisingly—this is something I've thought about before. Would love that came too cheaply even be worth it? Would it "feel" legitimate, or skeezy? Isn't the uncertainty, the challenge, the human frailty of the partner a necessary element of being in love? Also, I'd have to assume that this potion would be available to others. What would happen if my preferred partner got a dose from someone else? Or, worse, if I got a dose from someone else? The "guarantee" eliminates the surprise, and thus some of the fun.

    Do you think the responsibility of their devotion might ever become a burden to you? 

    absolutely. It's a stretch, but this is sort of how it feels to be "the one who loves less." Each relationship has one, though for the best of them that status alternates from person to person over time. As nice as it feels to be adored, that can also be stifling and claustrophobic. There are better environments for healthy affection.

2. If you could reshape your recollections of any unpleasant past experience and replace your present memories with ones much more palatable, would you? And if so, what would you change, and why?

    some unpleasant experiences have a purpose; touching a burner means Ouch, which teaches avoidance of dumb dangers. Other unpleasantness, though, seems to exist only to torment: knowing the footing was uneven, but tripping anyway, and being laughed at for it. So, would I do it? In a heartbeat. I would forget some of the awful things Nick said to me, for instance, and instead more easily recall the generosity and sweetness that he could show. I would reshape some reminders of arguments or other bad times with friends. I would block out some devastation.

3. Have you ever wished you could be in love with someone you merely liked? 

     yes, when I was first coming to realize that I would end my marriage, I would have given anything to change that feeling. It's not fair to say that I what I felt for H was mere liking, but that's as close as I've come. I wanted to be the kind of person who could turn that around, to make the right effort and dedicate myself to it, once those doubts rose in my mind.

    Would you be tempted to take a pill that would make you fall in love with a person who seemed right for you, even if there were no guarantee your love would be returned? 

    pfft! There is never a guarantee your love would be returned, whatever "returned" could possibly mean in that context. Isn't that just life, anyway? You bop along, minding your own business, looking for love or not looking or specifically looking away, and then it takes over, like a virus, and suddenly you're in it. Whether or not the other person feels that way, too. A pill would change nothing.

4. How many of your friendships have lasted more than 10 years? 

    many, many, many. My FB friend list is stocked with people I've known since grade school, junior high, high school, college, grad school, and law school.

    Which of your friends do you think will still be important to you a decade from now? 

    that's a funny question. If I say that I think some will not be so important to me later, doesn't that mean that they are not so important to me now? Anyway, friendships are part of the great unknown to me. Why do the ones that work, work? Why do some of them disintegrate despite the efforts of both halves? Why doesn't anybody stay together anymore?

5. What sorts of things would you do if you could be as outgoing and uninhibited as you wished? 

    • take a class, or even teach a class

    • confront someone who's treated me ill

    • long-term solo travel

    • get another piercing and another tattoo

    • buy a different car (which would require a great deal of credit, which is way outside my comfort zone)

6. Do you seek or avoid routines in your life, for instance, sleeping in the same part of your bed? ordering the same meals? returning to the same vacation spots? Why? 

    some routines are necessary to me, because they help keep migraines at bay. If I eat, drink, sleep, caffeinate, exercise, etc., on a consistent basis, keeping my levels steady, my brain appreciates it. 

    I can (and do) sleep on either side of the bed. At home, I anchor on the side closer to the bedroom door. When I travel, I prefer to be on the far side of the bed—but it truly doesn't matter to me. 

    On the other hand, with "irregular" activities I very much prefer to avoid routines. When I go to a normal, not fast food, restaurant, it's fun to try something new each time. (Fast food is different, because the consistency is part of what makes it fast: Little John JJBLT, no mayo; Thinny Chips; small drink.) I'm not exactly a "vacation spot" person, but even if I do return to the same general area, I like to do at least some different things each time. A2 means at least one day of nothing but wandering from bookstore to bookstore. When I'm in Lawrence, I'm going out for a Mad Greek meal every time, while the rest of the trip will be a variety of whatever's going on at the time, in season, as available. Same with Orlando: Church Street Station is guaranteed, while the rest of the agenda will be Wing It. 

    Why the routine avoidance? Because variety makes life more interesting, unpredictability staves off boredom, and my attention span is more focused with a smorgasbord of stimuli.

7. You arrange an evening with a friend, but on the day before, an unexpected chance to do something much more exciting comes up. How would you handle the situation? 

    that depends on the friend, the sort of evening we've planned, and what "much more exciting" entails. If it's the sort of friendship that allows for last-minute changes, and it had been a casual evening planned, and it can be easily rearranged, and the importance of the new thing is high (and understandable by the first friend), then I'd be honest and straightforward, and change plans. If not—if any part of this would create problems—then I'd likely forego the exciting for the existing plan.

 

[from The Book of Questions; the title quotation is by Friedrich Nietzsche, from Twilight of the Idols]