everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 

    I'm pretty sure I will die of a heart attack when I'm not very old.

8. Name three things that you and your ideal partner would have in common. 

    • strong interest in books and reading, sharing, discussing, considering, and wanting more; the sorts of shops that have the best books, how many to buy, what sort to seek, and what we'll need to trade when it's over 
    • certain, distinct aspects of our diets: some favorite foods, enjoyable restaurants, and some treats; good meals for movie-watching or game day; where to stop for quick food when traveling. How to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Some foods that are a joy to dislike (cauliflower, pecan pie, crab/lobster {because literally breaking into something isn't a delicious thought}). Ice cream flavors to share.

    • the desire to make each other's lives better/easier/smoother—and prehaps with different ideas of what that would mean, how it would work, and the difference it would make to either of us

19. What is your most-used emoji?

20. What does leadership mean to you? What traits make up a good leader, in your mind?

    • Trustworthiness. Being, and making sure others know that you are, someone to be relied on. Showing up when needed, answering messages and calls and questions. 

• Approachability. Not just saying you have an open-door policy, but following through with being available, listening, and responding thoughtfully.

    • Authenticity. The face you show is, as much as possible, the face you feel.

    • Pro-development of others. Encouraging and facilitating and prioritizing learning and growth. Make it possible for others to learn (in their own way) and change.

    • Courage. Stand up for yourself, for your coworkers, for your company, and for doing the right thing. Willingness to swim against the stream and to be a voice in the darkness.

    • Self-confidence. This is distinct from courage and certainly from arrogance or bossiness. It is having an attitude about the combination of skills and abilities that set one apart. It is a conviction, not of being right all the time or perfect, but of the capability to handle a task or experience.

    • Team building. I don't mean the common concept of this, to just hold discrete events that
are called team-building but are actually about foisting extroversion and competition and ultimately about reinforcing the favoritism hierarchy. I mean, doing what you can to help people share their strengths, be encouraging, and truly be reliable when others need support.

    • Empathy. Identifying with someone else's struggle or problem, and caring that they're going through something and that they come out whole on the other side. Shutting up and listening. Seeing things from a different perspective.

    • Fairness. Keeping personal feelings separate from the path of achievement. Depending on the circumstances, it can mean treating people equally (every person on staff has the option to work from home, not just those who "deserve" it) or in a way that is right and reasonable (on days when you are not scheduled to see clients, any employee can wear more casual clothing). Fairness depends on individual circumstances (such as a person performing a certain task being equipped with a specialized tool or software package) and, at heart, is about removing bias or preference

    • Curiosity. Having, keeping, and encouraging an open mind. Considering different solutions or preferences. Embracing new ideas. Challenging one's own and others' biases. Being receptive.
31. Tell something that you like about your current (or a past) partner. 

    they were always, always willing to make a rest stop while traveling. Many people, particularly men, have a weird mindset against this—perpetuating the idea of a "small bladder" (which is anatomically inaccurate). It's enough to make someone suffer discomfort (or worse) solely to protect someone else's idea of timing. 

    It was awfully nice to spend time with someone who absolutely never made even a frown about the need for stopping.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 

     I don't know if it's "too serious," but I really don't like to be teased about my relationship with my family. I also don't think that jokes based on racism, misogyny, or disability are remotely funny, and they automatically make me embarrassed for and disgusted by the person making them.

[based on "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings" by Arthur Aron, et. al, and adapted from "The 36 Questions That Lead to Love: Modern Love" by Daniel Jones, published January 9, 2015, a 9-year-old article that remains behind a paywall here but is republished in plenty of other places; the title quotation is by Brandon Sanderson, from The Rithmatist]