let there be spaces in your togetherness

    I am fascinated by the sorts of quizzes designed to help a person know more about who they really are. A new one I've tried is Psychology Today's Need for Space test, a medium-length (10 minutes maybe) test to "find out whether you're a space-giver or space-crowder", minimal hard thinking needed.     

 

    It was Richard Bach who said it best: "If you love someone, set them free." 

    Although there are no solid rules that determine what makes a relationship work, many people will agree that communication, trust, and the willingness to give each other space are fundamentals. A lack of trust can not only keep two people from getting close, but will also create an atmosphere rife with tension, doubt and suspicion. Communication has long been touted as the cornerstone of all successful relationship; partners who talk together, stay together. 

    Similarly, the ability to give a partner space is important for nurturing growth, both in terms of your relationship with him/her and with yourself. As social animals, we all need to have some sort of connection with others of our kind. However, while putting too much space between you and a partner can leave him/her feeling unloved and alienated, too little can be really suffocating. Unfortunately, either extreme, albeit based on good intentions, can destroy a relationship. 

    The trick is to strike a balance—to spend some quality time with your partner enjoying mutual interests, and some with yourself and your own hobbies. There is no perfect ratio that applies to all relationships. Some people like constant attention, while others need a lot of personal space. The important thing is to talk about individual preferences early on. By establishing boundaries in the initial stages of a relationship, you can better accommodate each other's needs and desires and, most importantly, prevent a lot of misunderstandings and hurt in the long-run. 

 

    According to your score, you seem to have struck a perfectly healthy balance between giving your partner space to live his/her own life and providing him/her with love and support. Different relationships have different standards when it comes to space, so of course you should pay attention to what you and your partner are most comfortable with. Overall, however, you appear to have a knack for healthy moderation. If both you and your significant other are content with this arrangement, then by all means, keep it up!

 

[the title quotation is by Khalil Gibran, from The Prophet]