Jeff’s got the eggs covered but could you pick up some bacon for us and maybe a box of Twinkies

1 What's the worst thing you've eaten or drunk by mistake thinking it was something else? 

    it was at a church function, which amounted to the unique scent of oyster stew seeping through the vents during the service, folding chairs and tables set up in the church basement, several-too-many parishioners jammed into a space that was far too small, too warm from the long-simmering food, and a passel of kids dodging around all of it. Everything was cooked and donated by members of the congregation, including an amazing array of desserts. Cakes, pies, puddings and cookies, and everything in between. 

    I chose apple cobbler, which was tall and both juicy and crumbly, glistening with browned sugar at the top. There was a bowl of fluffy whipped cream just down the table from me. It was just the sort of thing that my mom would have standing by. (She doesn't love sweets but will always be tempted by some whipped cream on almost any dessert.) I spooned some onto my cobbler and took a big bite...only to discover that it was not whipped cream after all: it was sour cream, served with the stew. I was a little kid, maybe 5 at the most. I was a bit shy, and quite afraid of doing something wrong or stupid. I didn't want to waste the dessert, but I also couldn't force myself to eat it. Naturally, that tension made me burst into tears. My mom caught on quickly and calmed me, before finding another dessert option.

 

2 You find a spider on your wall at home - what do you do? 

    smash it (probably over-hard) with a shoe, or drown it in bug spray, and flush the remains 

 

3 What's the weirdest thing you've ever written an essay on? 

    my sophomore year in college, I took a seminar on the History of Brazil. For those who do not know, the history of Brazil is essentially a history of socioeconomic extremes. There are a few people with way too much money, using it for notorious purposes. The rest of the population is horribly, terrifically poor, not even scraping out a living but living in complete destitution.

    I don't recall the intended purpose of the paper I was supposed to write. All I know is that I'd left it til the very, very last moment, and was typing it mere hours before the 6:00 class started. I was at the dining room table, scrambling desperately to pump out another paper when my mind was blank. I was over-tired and frantic—and so I just started to write. Not writing History, but a sort of stream of consciousness rant about poverty and entitlement, about desperation and privilege, and memorably, about Twinkies and Ramen noodles, and how financially blessed college students believe they're broke but in fact are stupid, wasteful and ungrateful.

    My professor was funny, kind, and very good at his job. He'd known and dealt with kids like me a thousand times before. I'd redeemed myself in class, though, always having read and understood the assignments, participating in discussion, and doing well on tests. He gave me the benefit of the doubt, in general, and regarding the paper most of all. It was one weird dammed essay.

4 When you bump into a stranger, what's your first reaction? 

    "oop", which is the local version of "ope." I also tend to back up and get out of the way rather than waiting for the other person to do so.

 

5 If a stray dog followed you home, would you take it in? 

    no, but I know someone who would, so I'd call them. I wouldn't know the first thing to do to actually care for a dog. 

    When we first moved into our rented house on the Flat, we discovered a no-collar dog seemingly waiting for us to get home. H let it into the garage (it was dangerously cold out) and we called the landlord to see if they knew what was what. It turns out that the previous owner of the house had moved out maybe 6 months before, and their dog had returned periodically since then. They gave us the owner's phone number. We kept it stuck to the fridge and used it a few times.

 

6 Do you have an archnemesis? Who is it? 

    I do. 

    They know who they are.

 

7 When was the last time you smiled at a stranger?

    I've been trekking to a friend's country home to water plants, etc., the last few weekends. I'm in the habit of stopping at the locally-owned grocery store on the way home. This week, I was able to pick up several items that I needed (and at a bargain price by comparison to my usual store). The store is so small and devoted to customer service, they offer to carry out your groceries. I took them up on it, because I'd bought some heavy things. I smiled at the person who carried out for me, and then snickered when we both followed our smile by looking at the sky, as if to say, "This weather...!"

 

8 If you could instantly be a master of a martial art, which one would you choose? 

    Krav Maga. I find the whole idea intriguing, and it looks incredibly cool—and like a terrific workout. Plus, kicking someone in the face seems like a dream come true.

 

9 Which one of your friends do you wish had a mute button? 

    what, I'm supposed to share their name? What if they read the blog??

    I do know a person who is often oblivious to others' reactions to their conversation. In my head, I repeat, "enough's enough...," usually several times during most talks we have. 

    You wouldn't know it from the blog—which is, after all, my platform to say what I will, and however much I choose—but I strongly appreciate straight and to the point people and conversations. 

 

10 What's the most amazing shot you've seen taken by a camera drone? 

    fog in a river valley, of which this is an example but not the actual video 

 

 

[from 3000 Unique Questions about Me; the title quotation is by Jenn Cooksey, from Shark Bait]