I am fascinated by the sorts of quizzes designed to help a person know more about who they really are. One of my favorites is The Attachment Project's quiz, a long (20+ minutes) test of attachment style, some
hard thinking needed. An email address is required to get the full results.
The stuff with which I particularly agree is in italics, and most highly apt are in red bold.
• You may feel as though you’re “less than”
others. The low sense of self-esteem
associated with the anxious attachment
style often results in feelings of not being
good enough.
• You self-sacrifice and put the needs of
others first. This is often due to a lack of
sense of self and your own needs.
• Due to an inconsistent formative period,
you may feel as though you’re unworthy of
love. Thus, you seek external validation
and reassurance from others in an attempt
to prove to yourself that you deserve love.
• You struggle with being single or alone for
periods of time. Relationships and
intimacy are strongly connected with an
anxious attacher’s feelings of self-worth,
therefore you may crave attention and try
to impress others in an attempt to get it.
• You are caring and kind to your partner’s
needs. However, because you may
become preoccupied with catering to your
partner’s wants, they may end up feeling
as though they need space from the
relationship.
• You fear rejection and criticism. Thus, you
may become highly upset at any form of
disapproval from your partner.
• You are attentive to your loved ones—almost to a fault. Others may end up
taking advantage of your kind and
generous nature.
• You are hypervigilant towards any threat
to your relationships. Due to your fear of
rejection and need for intimacy, you may
overanalyze all of your partner’s actions,
but yet misinterpret fundamental problems
in the relationship.
• Due to a lack of self agency, you may
struggle with making decisions and
instead rely on a partner to do so.
• You may act clingy and needy towards
your partner if they attempt to spend time
with others outside of your relationship.
What’s more, you might experience intense
feelings of jealousy and frustration if they
do so.
This is a kind of ugly truth—though I'm pretty sure there are no "right" answers and that anyone who takes the test will be "pathological" in some way; the questions were written with diagnosis in mind.
[the title quotation is by A.A. Milne, from Winnie-the-Pooh]
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