silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing

1 Do you wish you'd been more or less cautious in your life? 

     LESS! I wish I'd leaped first and looked later, and grabbed at a Maybe that could have been Yes (a few times). There's time for analysis later.

    My cautiousness has been a product of genetics and upbringing (my people tend toward alertness and circumspection), my own introversion, and education in both history (the dumbs that have been dumb before) and law (the pitfalls that are everywhere). It's as much about expecting to encounter danger as actually doing so.

    I've done a few things upon which I regret jumping without thinking, but far more opportunities were squandered while I dithered about right and wrong. 

 

2 If you had to either change professions or move to another part of the country, which would you prefer?

     change jobs. That's an easy one. I moved back here for good reasons and am committed to staying. (That's even despite the current windchill of -13º!) My job is fascinating, challenging, rewarding, and sometimes even fun. But it's a job, not a life, and I could live without it if I had to.

What new career or location first comes to mind?  

    if I had to change jobs I would happily go back to library work. Time has filed off some of the rough edges, of course, but I recall it as a compelling, gratifying job. I have realized with more experience elsewhere that it is unique and was underappreciated. 

    Besides those I've already written about . . . there is a college town about a hundred miles to the northeast. It is well known for some stuff that happened a long time ago, and also for being one of the great college towns in the country. A dear friend sends job postings from the university where they work, just in case I'm in the market for a change. I think that getting a position at their local public library would be freaking amazing.

    

3 If you could have free, unlimited service for 5 years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary, which would you choose? 

     definitely a housekeeper! I am at best a reluctant cleaner, though it's all kept well enough most of the time. My temporary house guest ratchets up the need for cleaning by a factor of ten, so at the moment the place looks raggedy. I keep pecking away at it when work and other interests and duties allow the time and energy. 

    I've been considering socking away some money just so I can hire someone to help with the worst of it when my guest returns home. Four months of their presence will have made a big impact on the overall state of affairs, and someone with knowledge, skill and equipment to make it go faster would be worth the investment.

    Anyway, the rest of it is well-enough taken care of. I am a decent cook, and have lately (the past six months to a year) gotten into the groove of cooking "real meals" again—and enjoying it. I am also a fine driver for my needs, meaning that in the average month I drive only enough to buy gas every six weeks or so, and pretty much in a route between home, my parents' place, the Post Office, the salon, and occasionally a friend's place in the country. I have an excellent massage therapist already (who, coincidentally, I'm seeing today!). A personal secretary would have very little to do to organize my quiet life. There's always a list of crappy tasks that I'd rather not do, but not at the cost of the cleaning help.

 

4 Would you rather play a game with someone less or more skilled than you? Would your answer be different if others were watching? 

     I'm more interested in playing a game with someone who can give me a run for my money than I am in winning. If it's something requiring skills that I want to learn, what's the point of playing with someone who knows less than I do?

    My answer would not change with the presence or absence of spectators, although the idea of me playing a game with spectators is far-fetched. The closest I've come to this was playing a couple of Scrabble games in a bar a couple summers ago. Theoretically, someone could have been watching, but I don't recall anyone standing out as doing so.

 

5 How often do you step back and reflect on where you are headed? Would less or more self-reflection be good for you? 

     I step back and reflect all the time. It is one of the strongest facets of my personality. I think it teaches me lessons that I'm less likely to receive from someone else.

    However, less self-reflection would be a good thing. Too much focus on oneself distorts one's own relative importance. It's way more valuable to consider things, other people, and circumstances, outside.

 

6 How forgiving are you when your friends let you down? Do you expect more or less generosity from them when you fall short? 

    my history shows that I'm not forgiving enough. There is a rationale for every decision I've made and every person who's no longer involved in my life, but fewer good reasons. It's hard, and it sucks, to realize that you've been shitty to people you care about, and that they can't feel the same anymore because of it.

    We all have weaknesses. It's part of the human condition, right? No one is perfect. I'm pretty sure that, at times, I'm more imperfect than I ought to be.

 

7 What are your most compulsive habits? Do you struggle to break them? If so, what would it feel like to accept them and give up on trying to change? 

    a. according to this sub-scientific self-assessment, I have reached 17 of 60 points (28.33%), indicating that I have signs of 'moderate' internet addiction. Not sure I'd have placed it that high, since there are mitigating factors (I work remotely, I live alone, and the questions that I answered more than "sometimes" are less indicative of the dangerous side of compulsion than are some others that I marked "rarely" or "never".)

    The aspect of it that causes the most concern is when I've realized that I've got more than two devices actively going at once, and as many as four. Multi-tasking doesn't work, and it's pathetic overkill to surround oneself with noise.

          

 

   You have reached 17 of 60 point(s), (28.33%)

Read more here: https://mind.help/assessments/internet-addiction-test/

ou have reached 17 of 60 point(s), (28.33%)

Read more here: https://mind.help/assessments/internet-addiction-test/

ou have reached 17 of 60 point(s), (28.33%)

Read more here: https://mind.help/assessments/internet-addiction-test/

ou have reached 17 of 60 point(s), (28.33%)

Read more here: https://mind.help/assessments/internet-addiction-test/

    b. rubbing my right index finger against the edge of my thumb. It's a BFRB often called pill-rolling tremor, is considered a form of obsessive compulsion, and is almost completely subconscious. It's also permanently f'd up the side of my thumbnail, which looks bad and is sometimes sharp and occasionally sore.

    c. compulsive shopping, which is pretty much under control but squirms its way out in times of heavy stress. I don't buy excessive quantities, or things I don't actually need (or want). It usually manifests as refusal to say no to my own wishes.

 

[from The Book of Questions; the title quotation is William S. Burroughs, from The Job: Interviews with William S. Burroughs]